For feeling a bit put out by friend' comment?

[kansasmum]

I am ( I like to think!) a young Granny! My Dd is 22 and has a 8 month old Ds. Dd and her dh work hard and are saving to get a deposit for a house ( this will take a few years as neither are huge earners). Dd goes back to work this month a and I am providing ( free) childcare 2 and a half days a week.
I'm really looking forward to this and look forward to having a lovely relationship with my little grandson. Obviously there will be bumps in the road, I'm not naive!! I also have a 9 yr old Ds so I've done the baby thing fairly recently.
Anyway a friend ( who I consider a really close friend) said today " you must be nuts! You'll have no social life, it'll be like being a new mum again ( hardly!) and you'll be stuck going to all those hideous baby groups! I run a toddler group 2 mornings a week and friend knows this!! So that's a bit cheeky!
I don't feel it's social death to look after dgs a couple of days a week! Is that what people think of grannies who provide childcare?
AIBU to feel put out by her words?

[Stickerrocks]

Kansas can I have the cake without the toddlers please? I think Gold has the right idea too.

[GoldPlatedBacon]

Maybe she is worried that you'll be too tired to go out and play with her?

[Only1scoop]

It's just how she would feel.

Don't take it to heart

[Bunbaker]

I don't think it is jealousy at all. She is just thinking about how it would feel for her, and she is projecting her feelings. That is all. So YABU to take it personally.

DD is 15 and I am 57 and nowhere near ready to be a grandparent.

[HelsBels3000]

My DM has had each of my DCs (3) one day a week to allow me to return to work - with all of them, she has taken them to baby/toddler swimming sessions too. She works p/t (half days) 3 days a week and has one day to herself to socialise/play tennis/do nothing. We are all happy with this arrangement. My parents do like to go on holiday 3 times a year so this can make it difficult for those periods, however I can normally rely on MIL or nursery for those extra sessions thankfully. DM turns 60 this year but is still very young at heart and active - she does admit to being exhausted at the end of the day with her DGS though!

[kansasmum]

Stickerocks- you should have come to my group! Have to say we have a really friendly group of mum's not cliquey and I bring home made cake every week for the grown ups!!
But I have been to a couple of truly AWFUL groups myself when my girls were little and I totally get that not everyone likes these groups. But knowing I run one it was perhaps a but unfair of my friend to say it to me!

[pinkiponk]

I wish my mum was like you, how lovely of you to help out like that. Enjoy getting to know your grandson, you'll have such a lovely bond

[Stickerrocks]

I'm sure the toddler group you run is lovely, but I found attending them absolute agony. I can completely understand why your friend called them hideous, because from my perspective they were. I'd spend ages trying to get out of the door to get there, but invariably turn up late. Everyone else's children were doing what they were meant to be doing, mine would be doing the exact opposite. I could never find anyone friendly looking to sit with, because the other mums had all gone to school together and it was so hard to make friends. I was delighted to go back to work so I didn't feel I had to go to them anymore. There must be some nice ones out there though - I just wish I'd managed to find one.

[MissFlight]

I'm a relatively young nanna too, dd gave birth 3 weeks ago and I have a dc 8. I'll be having dgc one day a week when dd returns to work. I'm really looking forward to it .
I've had some negative comments too, but I ignore them, as far as I'm concerned I'll be forging a special bond with dgc, that's what's important to me.

[MammaTJ]

nice to see another granny with their own young kids still!

That was my thought when I came across your thread.

We have other things in common too, my mum has never been that interested in my DC. I just don't get it.

[kansasmum]

MammaTJ- nice to see another granny with their own young kids still!
My Dd and I sat down and had long conversation about how it was going to work. She has anxiety issues so it was important, really important, for her to feel comfortable with childcare provision. But that's not the main reason I offered. I just see my mothers non- relationship with my kids and know I would hate to be like that. My mum was never really interested even when we lived nearer them when my girls were little. I now live 5 mins drive from my mother and she isn't interested really in any of the grandkids unless there is opportunity to play the doting granny in front of people for show.

But that's a WHOLE other thread!!!

[grannytomine]

CubicZirconia, I do understand that, I rant about being taken for granted sometimes but that isn't the children's fault and it wouldn't stop me having them.

[grannytomine]

I'm always getting snarky comments about looking after my grandchildren. I've never made any negative comments to people who don't look after grandchildren so I don't really understand their need to do this.

[MammaTJ]

I am a new Granny and a mum to a 9 year old DS too. I would jump at the chance to do childcare when my Granddaughter is a little older. I don't think it would cause me to lose my social life, in fact I would enjoy going to 'those hideous baby groups' again!

I think she is jealous. Don't give it any further thought!

[CubicZirconiaBossyBabe]

OP, you are clearly on board with the plans

But you see so many people take the piss with grandparents that it might be hard for your friend to be excited for you. I work with grandparents who work full time and are expected to have the GCs on their days off.. I know grandparent's who provide free childcare year round and get the cold shoulder if they take a week or two off for a holiday.

So I would feel a bit protective of a friend entering into a granny-nanny situation.. it seems miserable for the majority of GPs even if it seems like a lovely idea to them in the beginning

[kansasmum]

I'm not working right now other than toddler group couple of mornings a week. So I have the time. I've been a sahm for past 14 years, mostly due to being overseas and unable to work, dh travels extensively all over the world with his job so I feel I'm in a position to help and am happy to.
I do accept its not for everyone.

[CottonFrock]

lighthouse, of course grandparents doing childcare can feel exploited, especially with growing general expectations of significant grandparental help, regardless of whether said grandparents are in their fifties and in mid-career, or enjoying their retirement in their mid-seventies!

It's clear the OP doesn't feel that way, but I can see how a friend of hers might assume that with a nine year old of her own she might have mixed feelings about going back to the baby stage. I would never judge a grandparent who wasn't prepared to spend several days a week doing free or paid childcare.

[Xmasbaby11]

I do think 2.5 days a week, long term, is a massive commitment, and the reality is that most GP could not or would not do that. Young GP are often still working, newly retired ones want to be free to travel/study, and older ones then find it too tiring or have health issues. So you may get some surprised reactions, but all positive I think.

[Xmasbaby11]

I think she's just projecting - she probably didn't enjoy the early days with her own DC and wouldn't enjoy revisiting them. Many people find those years really tiring and boring, I know I did at times.

My mum is horrified by grandparents putting themselves out to look after their GC a day or more a week. She can't understand it because she finds them hard work and not fun at that age. But she is 78 so it has been a long time for her. Our DC are 2 and 4 and I wish she'd have them for even one day, let alone a day a week!

I think you're doing a wonderful thing. It will be great for all the family. I think most people think it's wonderful and will be impressed by how much you do. Lucky baby!

[StealthPolarBear]

Well I have a nine year old and I am sure you're not exactly footloose and fancy free at the best of times. And I only just feel like we're coming out of the non sleeping period too (I have a six year old too).
In actual fact you could get children and grandchildren to a reasonably independent age and still have time to enjoy being young (ish). Lucky you!

[no73]

My mum has always done all my childcare and I work 12 hour shifts both day and night and she sometimes has him for 4 nights in a row. They have a fantastic relationship and she is a great Nanny quite different than when she had to work 3 jobs etc when we were kids and I can't remember fun times with her.

Ignore, they are jealous. You will have all the fun times like my mum but know you'll get to hand baby back to mummy and daddy. My son adores my mother and it is utterly lovely to see the bind they have.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Cotton. How can anyone be exploited minding their GC's a couple of times a week. While their parents go to work, and half the time you pay out for Nurseries and CMs. It's hardly worth going out to work.

[CottonFrock]

She might be genuinely worried you were being exploited for childcare, and have wanted to signal subtly that it was ok for you to take a less than risky-hued approach to taking on a small baby 2.5 days a week with her?

I get that you're delighted, but other people in your position might not be. I suppose to an onlooker it might seem 'obvious' that someone who has clearly done the small baby phase a number of times, not that long ago, mightn't be thrilled at the prospect of doing it all over...?

[kansasmum]

Ghost- that is really freakin' weird!!

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Take no notice of your "friend". You seem like a fantastic granny. That your family are lucky to have.
I'd had a friend who had to pay her mum to baby sit. Even if she only had her DD for an hour. Fancy wanting paying for having the company of your GC. Some people really are fucking weird.