To ask Dp to smoke ecig outside?

[Peppatina]

Just that really. He says I am being very unreasonable.

Background: Both partner and I used to smoke. I went cold turkey and quit when we started ttc (2012) and he switched to an ecig tank.

I've asked partner a number of times if he would stop smoking it in small rooms with myself and dd in i.e. The living room, bedroom.

This is because I have noticed it makes my chest tighter and I've had to use my blue inhaler (asthma).

Last night he tried to smoke it in the bedroom with us again and I asked him not to. He went in a strop and said it was bollocks, that they are completely safe and don't emit anything but water so 'why should he believe me when I say it makes my chest worse'.

Well this morning I decided to look it up. Apparently according to the mirror, world health organisation and a couple of studies I've found it actually is safer than real smoke. BUT still increases background toxins in a room, possible carcinogens and isnt proven to be 'safe' just 'safer'.

I've told Dp this morning and he's really got one on him now. I won't be happy until I've stopped all his fun apparently. It's just the 'fucking internet' filling my head with rubbish.

So as not to drip feed this may be bringing up older issues. I have given Dp an ultimatum in the past, it was either the booze or me. I know, I know, ultimatums are a death knell for any relationship but I truly felt I had no choice and 100% meant it, we couldn't live like that anymore. He'd been very verbally abusive even infront of dd and had been scaring me, it got much worse during dd's pregnancy and afterwards. He wasn't 'just' drunk, he was regularly getting to the point of passing out and not remembering the things he had said or done.

This was spoiling his fun too of course.

I don't know anymore, is this me being a controlling kill joy?

I'm sat upstairs instead of going down because I just don't want the confrontation or sulky silent treatment right now, I'm 28 weeks pregnant so more likely to burst in to tears than argue.

[Jw35]

What is it then Gin?

[Ginmakesitallok]

Have a read of <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/457102/Ecigarettes_an_evidence_update_A_report_commissioned_by_Public_Health_England_FINAL.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwis8c7G1-XKAhWC2BoKHavHACQQFggaMAA&usg=AFQjCNF1kfUSu_PxCyzsgaSXom0SxmerEQ&sig2=ofY_Lpa8Kx8ZPefsIiueuA" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">public health england report

[AdjustableWench]

I don't think there's much reason to be concerned about carcinogens in e-cigarettes, but depending on what he's using there can be a lot of vapour, and I can understand that in a small room that might aggravate your asthma.

Frankly I think his attitude to your concerns is more of a problem than the vapour. He's the one who is a controlling killjoy. Verbal abuse, drunkenness and refusing to have a respectful discussion of your concerns are all unacceptable in any relationship.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

This is more about his attitude than the particular situation, and it's vile.

Why are you having a child with someone who has no respect for you or your well being?

[MummaV]

I vape and my husband is asthmatic and it doesn't seem to effect him at all.

However I get an incredibly tight chest (and have done for years before I smoked or vaped) in damp environments ie, shower, hot kitchen or when it's foggy out. I ended up with an inhaler for it. Do you react the same to other requirements?