To take a day off work because im struggling?

[Strangeoccurence]

Going through an awful lot at the minute and i already battle daily with GAD and chronic depression.
My panic attacks have increased and im just not feeling my best, or anywhere near my best at all!
Aibu to take a day off work, just to try and relax my mind along with trying to get some things i need to get done, done when i cant when at work (related to the awful time im having at the minute). Even when i know it leaves my colleague struggling a little.

Or is my colleague BU to be clearly pissed off with me because of this?
Im really trying to think selfishly, but i feel incredibly guilty. So wondered if i was in fact BU

[toffeeboffin]

I do this all the time. I call it a Mental Health Day.

[toffeeboffin]

Listen to fed up

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Sorry - I realise that 'take time off to get sorted' isn't really what I meant to say - as I understand it's a chronic condition that isn't going to be 'sorted'. Sorry if it sounded insensitive.

[Greengardenpixie]

Oh and any guilt about my colleagues (who I moved heaven and earth for) quickly evaporated when I left and they were very obviously narked I was doing very well on my own.

It's not show friends it's show business. Colleagues are NOT your friends and you mustn't risk your wellbeing making their life easier. It won't be remembered - trust me.

So so true. Take the time off. Ive been there too.

[SewButtons]

You are ill, it is okay to take time off. I have to tell myself this pretty often. I have both mental and physical chronic illnesses and have to remind myself that if any healthy person felt the way I do on a day to day basis they would probably head to a&e.
Obviously there is huge differences with mental illness but in order to strike a balance between needing a rest day and slipping into a bad place where I can't leave the house my rule is that if I need a day off it can only be the last day of my work week. If I stay off too long then I get too anxious about being away. Having a rule helps with that and also if I feel bad early in the week then usually having something good at the end of the week helps me get through.
It also helps me plan how to use my day for good self care.

[StealthPolarBear]

No I agree. If you are unwell - physically or mentally - you need time off until you recover. But on these threads it only ever seems to go that way with posters suggesting the op has more and more time off to "get her head atraight" or "decompeess". Suggesting that her work is her manager's problem. What would they say if her manager then posted about the stress she was under. How far up would it go? It's quite short sighted to think there is always someone who can wave a magic wand and fix it.
Op I hope you are feeling better soon, and please don't read my comments as personal to you.

[Fedup83]

Her work is her manager's problem if she's too sick to go into work. That's how it works.

[Strangeoccurence]

Thank you all again :) stealthpolarbear your posts make sense, i can see exactly what you are saying with them!

I am guilty of failing to see that i am actually 'ill' as i often feel because it is 'all in my head' it must really be all in my head iykwim. Ridiculous way of thinking, i know.

I will take this one day off and hopefully it is enough to refresh and recharge. If not, then i will maybe have to look into actually taking some time off.
I really do think taking a bit of time off may be worse for me, but as pp have mentioned, this could cause further problems in the long run.

I am in a position of where i could leave this job and be ok. I just really want this for myself. It was a kind of exposure therapy for me and it was helping to begin with.

[everdene]

I hope you feel OK about taking the time off - I square it with myself by reminding myself about members of the team who swing the lead with days off for the most spurious reasons - 'a sore finger' was one!

I have had a couple of days recently (I have anxiety too) where it's been necessary for my sanity to just have a quiet day resting at home. Hope you're OK OP.

[GreenRug]

Agree with pp, as a line manager it's my problem to cover workload if someone is off for any reason, that's why I'm paid a higher wage because I'm expected to shoulder the responsibility in times of need. I do it for those I manage and in turn, l expect my manager to do it for me, and in turn his manager does it for him and so on ad infinitum!

[manicinsomniac]

Depends.

For you, YA probably NBU - it sounds like you care about and feel bad for your colleagues.

Some of the 'don't give a shit about the colleagues' posts on here are a bit much though. Sometimes, the impact on colleagues is the difference between them being okay and not being okay.

I have a lot of mental health problems. I can work full time and I can cope. With my own job. When colleagues are off work we have to cover each other. When I have to do someone else's job too I start to struggle to cope. So it's not as simple as 'colleague who can't cope gets time off and colleagues who can cope can just deal with it'. It can be 'colleagues who can cope can't deal with any more.'

[Fedup83]

Sorry but that's not her problem. Least of her worries to be worrying about others' workload.

If someone else is struggling then they should take the time they need to deal with it too.

I've had varying levels of anxiety - some working FT and bearable. Some bouts it's actually more unfair on the company for me to be in as my mind just wasn't (couldn't be) on the job.

When you're off ill I now truly believe other people's workload is not a consideration.

Quite the different matter if you feel well and able to go in but don't (but who really does that?).

I think saying she should worry about colleagues is just another way of nicely saying 'get yourself in.'

[manicinsomniac]

If someone else is struggling then they should take the time they need to deal with it too.

Yes, but the point is they aren't struggling until given someone else's work to do too.

Agree it isn't the problem of the sick person to the extent of staying at work. But it is a bit much to say (the OP did not do this, it was others) that the colleagues are unimportant and shouldn't be considered.

Sometimes it's just that little bit of uninvited extra work that you shouldn't have to deal with but do that pushes a functioning person to their own breaking point. And absent people should care about that, even if they're ill.

[StealthPolarBear]

Exactly manic. And at some point someone in the chain needs to make sure the work gets done, whether they're sick or not.

[Marshy]

Refreshing and recharging is what annual leave is for. Can you take some annual leave? Or if it feels more as if you're not well then go off sick and see your GP to start getting things sorted properly.

[GreenRug]

I think my position comes from something i said up thread. A symptom for me of my depression was worrying that I'd left people in the lurch, so on the days where I didn't go in I was worse as I just couldn't relax, the anxiety was acute, because I had that extra layer of 'shit, how will they cope, will they hate me etc etc'. This slowed down my recovery. I turned a corner a couple of years ago (had CBT) and i do still suffer on and off but if I'm at a point now where I can tell I'm going in that direction again then I do take a paid, sick leave, day off to recalibrate and i refuse to worry about what that means for the others. When I'm there (vast majority of the time!), I give everything, and keep my side of the employment bargain (you pay me, I do X for you), so when I'm ill I expect them to keep theirs (if you're too ill to work stay at home and we'll pay you).

I will add that in my time I've had to deal with people who were clearly perpetually taking the piss, we have one at the moment who's earned himself the nickname 'sick note Monday'. Now those people I take exception with, they clearly do not respect the impact of their Sunday night out/ recovery from hang over on Monday. And he will be dealt with. But what the OP is describing is so far from that I don't think it can be judged in the same way.

[lavenderhoney]

I take a day off every six weeks as a little reward to myself for getting through the relentless grind of life. I don't tell the DC, just drop them at a school and I'm free:)

That's what leave is for. You don't have to have to give reasons unless your manager won't accept it due to a deadline or something. Even then, you can say " ok, but I need to take some leave ASAP so what days can I have?" If asked I would say personal reasons and I need the leave before work gets impacted.

[HaveUpsetHer]

Lavender - pre arranged annual leave or on the day sick/unpaid leave?

[Bearsinmotion]

DP has OCD and pushes himself very hard. Sometimes I think he loses sight of how hard, and it just makes him worse, and therefore less effective at work. He took an emergency day off recent because I accidentally took his car keys to work and slept most of the day. Next day, back at work and was much much better. You shouldn't regularly take sick leave. But taking a day to recover when you have a chronic condition seems perfectly reasonable to me.

[whitehandledkitchenknife]

OP - many years ago I worked with a wise old boss. One of his stock phrases was 'take time to smell the roses' and another was 'the waters close over very quickly' meaning that no matter how valuable you are in your work, you are quickly forgotten about once you've moved on. Your MH is the most important thing here. You sound like a really conscientious person and that's sometimes the hook that keeps us doing things for others when we should be looking after ourselves. Ignore colleagues who are less than supportive and make sure your boss knows how you feel. S/he has a responsibility to look after your health and mental well being.

[StealthPolarBear]

I agree the ops mental health is important. All I'm saying is so is the mental health and ability to cope of her colleagues.

[Fedup83]

So agree with pp who said 'the waters close over very quickly'.

Yes they do.

I was the one worrying myself sick about colleagues work load when I was off sick and it also hindered my recovery.

When I did leave did they really give a shit? Nope. Well yes in that they'd lost someone who worked around the clock for (the office's top) figures. But even then, not really.

I know that sounds totally conceited but I'm being honest as this is anon.

Stealth - I know what you're saying. But I think you need to be selfish to recover and that takes bravery.

In the end with me I left. I'm not saying it was the sole factor (the guilt of being on the sick) BUT I could have had full pay for eight months whilst I leisurely thought about my next move.

When I handed in my notice was the day I decided I wouldn't be going back.

I do think that people are 99.9% honest about feeling unable to go into work.

[lavenderhoney]

I book it out for the year. However when overwhelmed or poorly I take the day- nothing is that urgent and I have had to do it for dc illness and other unforeseen events. I take it as unpaid leave, make up the hours or holiday all discussed on my return.

My boss knows that things happen/ illness ( any illness) is outside personal control and tbh I'm very likely to fuck up if I'm at work and ill so everyone would rather I stay home, despite the extra work. If the business can't survive without me unexpectedly that's a serious risk to the company and should be addressed.

[HaveUpsetHer]

Lavender - sorry was just checking because I know if I took a sick day every 6 weeks I'd get the sack.

[Strangeoccurence]

I dont think im entitled to annual leave.
I feel a lot better after all of these responses!
I can also see my colleagues point of view, so no longer letting that affect me (though it keeps creeping in).

I definately think this is getting too much for me, only i dont know if its going to be short term how im feeling, or long term.

I think the guilt is also due to the fact i have had to take days off for my children in the past few weeks. Which obviously cant be helped, but i still feel bad about it. Now its time for myself to need a day off, i just feel selfish, i suppose so its escalated. I think my feelings are a symptom so it just doesnt help.