To be really annoyed by a request for money?

[Woodenmouse]

I feel that all I do at the moment is moaning about my PIL but I swear they live in their own bloody world.

They have always been crap with money and have asked to borrow money in the past which we have lent if we have had it. Today they rang and asked to borrow £200 because they couldn't pay the rent. We had to say no as we don't have that sort of money at the moment. our 2nd child is due in 4 weeks, dh has just started working for himself, I'm now on maternity pay and we never had a lot of money any way. PIL then hung up on dh and dh went off to work looking like he was about to cry.
This would have annoyed me any way but recently due to an ongoing medical condition MIL was given £1000 by a charity to use for a holiday as she would need specialist care while away. When we asked of they could use some of the money just for now and then put it back and they ignored the question.

Aibu to think they have been really unfair to dh?

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

No YANBU!!!
Do these people lack shame? Taking money from a family with children when there is clearly money for a holiday. They need to get their priorities in order! Then to get huffy because you've told them no- are they adults or stroppy teenagers!!!
This has actually touched a bit of a nerve because I was in a similar situation recently. A (younger) family member rang me with a sob story about how broke she was and couldn't pay her rent or train fayre to work, blah blah. So I sent her some money (only what I could afford to, mind) as a gift. Things were tight though as we too were preparing for the arrival of a newborn. Next thing I know, photos splashed all over facebook of said family member on a boozy weekend away!
The next time you speak to your ILs your DH should be demanding an apology for their childish behaviour and making it clear there will be no more loans!!!

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

Uuurgh I'm so annoyed on you behalf, OP!

[GoldPlatedBacon]

My parents are like this. I've bailed them out so many times to the point I had to put a grand on my credit card to stop bailiffs emptying the house. This has all changed now that I have had a baby and am a sahm. I've not said directly that I'm not available for bail outs but highlighted my changed financial situation by telling them how much our rent is, when my maternity pay ends, that we've cancelled sky to save money (& indicating they should do the same) etc

So no yanbu.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Stop it, they will bleed you dry.

[Gottagetmoving]

I think your DH feels responsible because he has worried about them since being a child. I felt the same about my parents. I can't remember a time that I didn't worry about our financial situation as a child.
It is a hard cycle to break. You can't just switch off the way you feel.
People who have had loving parents who were responsible cannot understand the burden you feel when your parents have been like this your whole life. My mother would cry or get 'ill' with worry.
I know it caused arguments in my marriage when I gave or lent money to my mother. I wish I had sought some counselling to help me be able to say no and break the cycle.

[Stormtreader]

Sounds a bit like the dynamic is that "family money should go to whoever needs it most".
So they think "woodenmouses family can pay all their bills and have money left over. Therefore that is available family money, they dont need it. We need more money for bills, so that money should come to us."

When you say that "They do pay us back eventually normally when we ring and say we have a bill to pay and need it back." thats you saying "we now need this back for bills".

I suspect the only way to stop it is to always say that you simply dont have any spare money every single time they ask.

[PumpkinPie2013]

I've been through similar with my parents (and my sister) who sound similar to your husband's parents. Mine never paid me back though

YANBU - it is really not on for them to be doing this. Eventually, I stopped it, either by ignoring the pleading texts or saying I simply didn't have it.

Took a while but they got the message eventually.

Stick to your guns - no more loans! They need to sort themselves out!

[Woodenmouse]

They haven't asked again since DH said no so hopefully they are beginning to realise. They are coming to visit on Sunday though so I can imagine it coming up again.

[expatinscotland]

You don't have the money. If they bring it up again, tell them to apply for housing benefit. No more giving them money.

[cozietoesie]

You'll likely get a good number of some low-level but pointed things said on Sunday of the 'I wish we could do [X] but we just don't have the money for it.......' variety. The subterranean idea is that you then feel desperately bad and rush to offer them money which they 'reluctantly' accept.

Just be aware that it will likely happen and be prepared to be tough. It's difficult to change a relationship overnight.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Yes, they are used to using your husband for money, it's ingrained in their behaviour. They feel completely entitled, and will resist the money tap being turned off.

Broken record technique. Whatever they say, however they word it, be it subtle or blunt, tearful or aggressive - "We don't have any money." No softening, no suggestion that if you were better off you'd give them money, just a blunt reiteration that you don't have any money.

Be aware that this will be very hard for your husband, so maybe best to discuss it together before Sunday so that you can both take the same approach.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I very much doubt they're "beginning to realise" - far more likely that, after experiencing a half-hearted refusal, they're practising an improved story for Sunday. Personally I'd expect some sudden worsening of your MIL's condition, imminent arrival of bailiffs or more

Sadly, if you give in now, all you're teaching them is that they'll get the money if they try just that bit harder