AIBU to be fed up and annoyed with DH?

[Spaghettihoops23]

Hi! First time posting and kind of unsure about it, will try and keep it as short as possible.
Have been with DH for 8 years, married for 5 and had a lovely baby girl last year.
Up until Aug2014 we had 2 wages coming in, unfortunatly my MIL past away in November after years of fighting cancer. She was quite young. It really hit DH hard and it meant he stopped working and hasn't since. I was okay with this and supported him. As we only had my wage coming in we moved to a much cheaper but therefore not very nice flat in a not very nice area. This was only supposed to be temp.
I fell pregnant early 2015 and we were both very happy. It helped alot with DH. As the months went on the plan was that DH would look for a job, this never happened.
I also recieved some money from a family member and the plan was have some fun with it and keep the majority of it for a deposit for a house. This didn't happen as we had to live off it and he also lost some of it gambling!
The baby was born and tbh it has been great having him here with me to help for the first few months. He said would look for a job, again nothing happened.
Christmas and new year came and went but still showed no sign or interest in looking for a job.
He does suffer from this mysterious pain but has only recently started going to GP. They have done blood tests, all normal. Because of his mum he worries about cancer and rightly so as 4 have passed away from it.
He now says he will get a job when he is better. The thing is he's not bed bound. He can go to football matches etc. Sits and plays xbox for hours on end.
My MAT pay is going to half in about 2months so obviously worried about that. We also owe my mum alot of money which causes friction between me and her and we were never like that.
I am also desperate to move as flat is horrible, up 4 flights of stairs with no lift.
I totally support him and know he's not 100% but it's not just the 2 of us now. AIBU to think he really needs to sort himself out and provide for his baby?
I love my husband to bits and this post might be because I'm sleep deprived and was thinking about it last night during feeds!

[whois]

Being depressed isn't a 'get out of jail free' clause for behaving like a twat. Which gambling away your inheritance is.

[trulybadlydeeply]

He's not a good Dad, Op, not in the full meaning of the description. A good Dad would be going out and looking for work, and doing that all day everyday until he found something. When you decided to have your DD, that was the plan, wasn't it? Alternatively the two of you could discuss you going back to work and him being a SAHP, if that works for you.

A good Dad would keep going back to the GP looking for answers, instead of being fobbed off (if he really was).

You clearly love him, and you sound a lovely person, but sometimes in life you have to get tough and issue ultimatums, in order to shock people into doing something. After all, you would be doing it because you love him, if you didn't care, you would have been long gone.

How would you honestly feel if your DD was in this position, and you were having to watch all this unfold?

[tinyterrors]

I echo pp he isn't a good dad. A good dad would have dragged himself back to work to help provide for his family. He'd go to a job he hates to see that his child has what they need. At the very least a good dad would be going to the gp and insisting on help if they were truly depressed to the point they couldn't work. A good dad doesn't gamble away the only money you have even though you're in debt.

My dh is a good dad. He goes to work every day to a jib he doesn't love because it's as secure as any job these days and there's nothing else around here. He comes home and helps with the kids and getting them ready for bed, at weekends he helps with housework, kids homework etc. The only thing he doesn't do is cook because he can burn water. That's a good dad.

Doing the housework and cooking is part of being an adult not a special favour to you. I know it's hard but you can't go on like this. If you end up going back to work because he can't be bothered you will end up resenting him. As pp have said, if you do end up resenting him for being useless and leave him then he'll likely get custody as he'll be seen as primary carer.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Tempting though it is, please stop making excuses for him - it's not normal and it shouldn't be acceptable - either he needs treatment and has to go back to the gp until he gets it - or he has to get a job, and not be too proud to do whatever it takes to get back to work, even if it's something he feels is beneath him - tough

[expatinscotland]

either he needs treatment and has to go back to the gp until he gets it - or he has to get a job, and not be too proud to do whatever it takes to get back to work, even if it's something he feels is beneath him - tough

I'd say he needs a job no matter what. He's well enough to go to football matches, play on Xbox for hours, he's well enough to get a job.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

He's not a good dad if he's happy to sit around the house all day spending YOUR inheritance on bills without even trying to get a job. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to here.

If he has depression, he needs to go to the doctors, and keep going back until he gets some help - preferably medication and his name on the waiting list for CBT or counselling. But if he can get up and do housework , play on the Xbox, go and watch football and look after the baby easily enough, it doesn't really sound like he's struggling that much at all.

A good dad would want to go out and provide for his children, OR they would do all the housework, night feeds and childcare while their partner went to work. Good parents don't sit around playing xbox all day and not work.

He needs to get a job or get out. He'll just drag you down.