Because to hear my mother talk, you'd think SS involvement was merely a scraped knee away. I have a stinking cold, a black and blue leg and arm from where I fell over in the sodding dark buggy shed at nursery yesterday evening because some stupid buggers had left their microscooters strewn over the floor DH is on lates so no use, and no I cannot be arsed to limp into town to go food shopping without a car in this freezing weather, so DS's normally healthy balanced diet has been exchanged, for one day, for leftover Christmas chocolate and cupboard food. And yes the TV is on. Shoot me.
AIBU to think instead of coming over uninvited, generally hoiking her bosom and pursing her lips at me, poor-little-thinging at DS and making me feel like the worst mother in history, she could have popped to the shop for some milk and a couple of ready meals? Or failing that, just been nice?!
She's gone now thank fuck but I'm just generally seething. Why are other people's parents lovely and helpful?! And mine, when the mood strikes, is like the unholy lovechild of Hyacinth Bucket and Captain Mainwaring.
AIBU?
To think a day of too much chocolate, too much pasta and too much Netflix hardly counts as child abuse?!
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 16/01/2016 16:41
When I opened the second chocolate santa he gave a delighted squeal and said 'MORE chocolate' in wonderment. This is one of the only two-word phrases I've ever heard him use.
You see, not only did you give your DS a perfect day, you are actually accelerating his language development! 
Seriously, I think your day sounds lovely (with the exception of your DM's visit) and I wouldn't even need the excuse of being unwell to indulge in such activities.
I'm sorry you have to cope with such a difficult mother. She does sound very unhappy, but she certainly shouldn't take it out on you!
More 
for you and your son!
Next time she says something unpleasant (doesn't sound like you'll have to wait long) say 'Oh, thanks mum, I know I can always rely on you for a compliment!' And don't ever agree to make her a coffee again. If she asks you must go 'No, sorry, my coffee is always awful, remember? I just can't put you through that again'. 
Poor OP I really feel for you. The fact she only says this stuff when you are on your own and not when DH is around does rather scream "emotional bully!" to me.
You have to put your sympathies for her to one side - she certainly doesn't appear to have any empathy for your situation - and stand your ground. Let her know her behaviour and criticism won't be tolerated in your house. You can do this gently but firmly. Not all parents are helpful and lovely of their own accord - I know of several who have had to be "trained" 
to realise what's actually going to help (positive actions) than not (unwanted advice, hyper critical, PA comments etc) Assert yourself, it does honestly make things so much better. She'll huff and puff but you have her grandchild, best bargaining tool ever!
schwab... God your 'D'M sounds horrendous - it's exactly what my mother would have done given half a chance, thank goodness she only came for the day! 
Bogeyface and others are spot on. You need to treat her like a spoilt toddler as she insists on acting like one.
A day of scoffing and sofa snuggling is exactly what today demanded.
(Maybe mello is your DM in disguise!)
Hope your bruises heal quickly.
Pizza? don't forget that that needs
(obvs just for you)
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Sounds like kind of a perfect day to me, except for your bruises 
Ignore her though it's hard to do I know. She could be supportive and helpful and plus be good company for you. What a shame she's not aware of what she could be. You sound like a very lovely mother and person.
The ice cream sounds fab.
I agree, I bet your ds is very thankful to have a loving mom.
You actually need to move house and forget to tell her your new address. 
Yanbu to have a day like that ever - especially not under the circumstances.
Ignore mellojello and bing away cesare!
I'd be more worried about my dm's lack of fostering good relations with her dd, personally.
Lie. Tell her you raise your children on muesli, fig bars and raw vegetables, and read times tables for fun. 
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