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AIBU?

Could you shop your children to the police?

81 replies

FairyFluffbum · 05/01/2016 07:20

After a middle aged man was attacked news year eve after saying happy new year to his neighbour he was attacked by a gang of youths.
He is in intensive care but at the moment is stable

As it stands they youths have yet to be identified and the police are asking for information.

Surely ONE parent must have a suspicion or know and is keeping quiet.

Now I've just read about the two girls putting superglue on a toilet seat for a "joke"

I think children are becoming bolder in these years as no one disciplines them anymore and if anyone else dares to, the parents have a go.

So this brings me back around.

If you found out your child had done criminal activity, would you tell the police?

I look at my two and I know they trust me more than anything in the world but I would be the first to call them. I do accept "but they are children"

As j child I never attacked an adult, robbed a shop, mugged another child or even thought about/threatened rape.

OP posts:

Report

MeAgain36 · 05/01/2016 17:23

Ds1 get in to some trouble recently. A fight in a club that he didn't start but the other guy came off worse (but wasn't seriously hurt) Usually he would walk away, we've never had any issues relating violence before but his grandad had just died and he was like a dad to him.

we didn't have to make any decisions as they were both arrested at the time it happened. It was honestly the worst 3 days of our lives though waiting to hear from the police who decided not to take it further.

It's in his contract that he can't have a criminal record, so his job, a criminal record, prison. Could all have gone due to a moment of bloody stupidity.

I always said I'd hand my dc in but if the police had been looking for him no I wouldn't have handed him in for that.

it's easy to say hypothetically what you would do but when it comes down to it, for some stupid mistake totally out of character when he was grieving, when you have your child (even though they are a young adult) breaking their heart about how stupid they've been then handing them in is easier said than done

Chattymummyhere · 05/01/2016 17:13

Depends on what they did and the reason for it...

If DD killed say an abusive husband in a snap moment... Hell no I would help her hide the body.

If dd or ds just went around randomly murdering people then I wouldn't help cover that up.

My kids are my kids and come first, my loyalty is to them before a judge or jury.

Atenco · 05/01/2016 16:45

In all honesty it depends on the crime and circumstances

I've fortunately never had that problem, but I always said that if my dd turned out to be a serial murderer, I would turn her in for society's safety and then be the one visiting her everyday in prison.

Branleuse · 05/01/2016 16:03

who needs police anyway eh, when you can convince the population to grass up their own families?

CheerfulYank · 05/01/2016 15:55

I'd shop my kids because I care about them.

CheerfulYank · 05/01/2016 15:54

What hiho said. I've seen enough children turn into terrible adults because mummy and daddy always pick up the pieces.

Look at the "affluenza" teen for heaven's sake. He killed four people driving drunk and still got off because he was so badly parented he apparently didn't know right from wrong. Then he violates his parole and what does mummy do? Runs off to Mexico with him.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 05/01/2016 15:52

Chrome you say you wouldn't shop your child for selling drugs but would for murder. What if the drugs they sold were responsible for someone's death?

Qwebec · 05/01/2016 15:44

I think it's a bit like saying would you leave if your DP abused you or would you save a drowning child? Out of the situation it is relatively easy to say yes, but when it happens it's a different story. All kind of emotions pop up.
Someone I know witnessed two children nearly drowning at the beach, 40 people watched, parents included. No one made a move. In the end 1 person dived in and saved them. There are numerous examples of this kind of behavior. We all have the best of intentions, but we never know until it really happens.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 05/01/2016 15:26

I am hugely disappointed that theycallmemellojello says they wouldn't ever turn their child in, no matter how bad the crime.

Sorry, but any parent who would permit their child to get away with assault, rape or murder is basically as guilty as their child as far as I am concerned. It's failing in their duty as a parent and as a decent member of society.

If I caught my child stealing from a shop, I might not go to the police but they'd be frogmarched back to the shop to return it/apologise and if the shopkeeper chose to prosecute, so be it. Anything beyond that, I'd shop them.

Borninthe60s · 05/01/2016 15:21

I would. I have.

TheExMotherInLaw · 05/01/2016 15:16

I once hand-held a friend reporting her ds to the police for something. He was about 16 at the time. I happened to know the officer who arrived, and won't say here what I told him (which was all true), but ensured that the lad was taken away in handcuffs and spent a very sorry hour or two in the cells before being released, I think with an informal caution. It worked reasonably well, and that kid never ever crossed anyone again when I was around!
It's damn hard, tho, and I'm glad my kids never pushed me to that point.

chrome100 · 05/01/2016 15:13

It would depend what they'd done.

Murder - yes, rape - yes, but for things like selling/taking drugs, a bit of shoplifiting no I wouldn't. I would hope they would reform themselves without the need for a permanent record.

knobblyknee · 05/01/2016 15:00

If it was a violent crime I would, but I'd feel like shit doing it, and I'd feel upset and wonder where I'd gone so terribly wrong.
If it was a non violent crime I actually dont know. I cant imagine turning a blind eye and there'd be repercussions in our relationship.

I dont get parents who use their kids for crime, I cant imagine living like that. I dont see that turning a blind eye is any better.

Branleuse · 05/01/2016 14:46

I hope its not coming across that people who wouldnt necessarily shop their children to the state, would just excuse them and defend them and think they did no wrong? I dont think thats got anything to do with it.

Arfarfanarf · 05/01/2016 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hihohoho1 · 05/01/2016 14:41

In my experience as a parent for 26 years the teens who got into trouble were the ones whose parents excused then and defended them at a younger age at school and with other parents when clearly they were in the wrong.

That sets the pattern that they can do no wrong and mummy and daddy will sort it out when they are older.

Big mistake.

Control the toddler and child and teach them empathy, self control, respect for others and kindness and then teenager demonstrates it. .

Branleuse · 05/01/2016 14:35

well obviously id hope it wouldnt happen, so its all theoretical. I would be bloody devastated if any of them turned out bad people. I wouldnt be bloody smiling about it, but if they got in trouble with the police, it wouldnt be me that had called them.

Arfarfanarf · 05/01/2016 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fitforflighting · 05/01/2016 14:23

Another who absolutely would report my children if they did anything even close to what happened in the OP.

Savagebeauty · 05/01/2016 14:22

Is your surname Kray?
You'd hide a body for them?

Doves · 05/01/2016 14:16

Bran in my family, you look after your own and you lay down your own laws when disciplining your children. I can't say I don't agree with you.

Some things are best kept within the family.

Branleuse · 05/01/2016 14:14

I just care about my own children more than anything else, including society and laws. Im not saying I dont care about those things - I care about them well enough, and I do my best to bring my children up to be good honest people and to not harm others. However if push came to shove, id hide them - hell, id hide a body for them, and whether a group of mumsnetters are horrified by it or not, im more surprised that so many of you WOULD shop your own kids for relatively little, and for things that are your own family responsibility for sorting out imo.
Shopping your own family seems rather 1984

Doves · 05/01/2016 14:13

No, I'd never turn my own child in, unless I see it as a purely vicious and hateful crime.

For example, I wouldn't turn my child in for murdering someone of their own strengths/age. But, if my child was to molest their child/any child etc, I would turn them in. If they were to hurt someone vulnerable, such as a mother and child/elderly person, I'd turn them in.

If I had a son and he murdered a woman, I'd turn him in.

Arfarfanarf · 05/01/2016 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Obs2016 · 05/01/2016 13:35

This is the complete opposite of what I would expect from mumsnet. most MN'ers are so completely child orientated and would live and die for their children I was expecting most post to say :no,never.

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