Smaller families are better for kids?

[FlowersAndShit]

What does everyone think? What was your experience growing up in a small/large family?

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/small-families-are-better-for-children-research-finds-a6793936.html

[TouchingToes]

Parents have large families for different reasons. Some because they want lots of children, plan for them and throw their everything into family life.

The Daily Mail would have us all believe that it is to secure benefits.

There are also parents who have many children to secure their narcissistic supply, the children's wellbeing simply doesn't come into it. They set out to create little "mini me's" and at around 2, when the child annoyingly starts to express their own personality, the parent wants a replacement "mirror". And so it goes on...

[AndNowItsSeven]

Blue no I won't be having any more children. I would love more but health wise it would not be a good idea.
I do have some help, we have cleaner for two hours a week, a gardener, and a " mothers help" who does the younger dc's laundry and helps tidy their rooms , plays with the toddlers while I cook dinner etc She comes twice a week for three hours each time. The older two dc also have a tutor for 90 minutes each week.
Daily routine is quite flexible just
the usual dc nap time, toddler groups, park etc they start to wake up at 5.30 and all but the eldest two are in bed by 6.30 so that helps with quality time for the elder two in the evenings.
We are not rich I think we have an average income.

[BlueSmarties76]

AndNowItsSeven
Could you imagine coping with more children? For example, could you see yourself having another 2/3 in the next 4/5 years? I'm really curious about what your daily routine is? And do you have a lot of money / any help?

[BlueSmarties76]

I cant begin to imagine how hard it must be to raise a large family, but clearly lots of parents manage well (though personally I could not unless I could have a nanny, cleaner, tutor and enough money for a bigger house etc!)

I think it's just a case of effort X resources. I think the maximum sensible number of children would vary massively from family to family, but even with unlimited resources and 2 dedicated parents I imagine there's probably a limit beyond which no parent would have the time to be close to every child, for example, the TV mother with 18 children (15 at home) and 5 dogs who does not have a lot of money.

[MrsB76]

Depends largely on the country's policies and the family's situation: "For example, one study published in 2005 that looked at families and kids among the entire population of Norway turned up substantially different findings. That study showed only negligible effects from family size on a kid's performance. However, a similar study done in China showed a big effect, with kids in larger families receiving much less schooling, especially in rural areas."

[Molio]

What a patently ridiculous thing to say 2016. There are others with large families who've been far less mellow than me. I've said in terms that in my view neither side can claim to be better or less selfish than the other.

You must have only witnessed extremely lame fights . You need to go to real pubs! Less of the hyperbole!

[2016IsANewYearforMe]

Molio, you are like a drunk in a bar trying to start a fight!

I am no trapist monk, myself. We all "indulge" our desires to some extent. My point up thread was that it's not so difficult to understand why people might have a large family. The desire to procreate is fairly fundamental to the human condition. One might as easily ask why don't most people choose to have more?

[PegsPigs]

CheerfulYank good to know I'm not the only exception to the rule

[LentilStew]

Throughout

[LentilStew]

Bambambini, well obviously I don't see it as a very big family but through out this thread people have referred to 4 as big. Many posters saying anything over 2 is too many.

[LentilStew]

It's not the wondering that's got people's back up on this thread. It's the idea that it's selfish and that no way can your children be having enough quality time. Oh and that your older ones must be looking after your younger ones. Also maybe that it's strange.

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

But lentil having a little look into the lives of others is what MN is all about.

We ask questions, we listen, we gain insights. It's interesting, informative, entertaining. A bit of fun.

I'm never ever ever going to want 5 children. But that doesn't stop me wondering why others do.

[Bambambini]

Lentil - Glad you are happy. Saying that, don't think a family of 4 is what many might regard as that large a family - not in the context being discussed here.

[LentilStew]

Bambambini, yes, DH is very happy and would probably have had more but I was sure that 4 was the right number for us. He is very hand on when he's at home and he takes them out individually, as do I. He also shares his love of sports with ds2 and his love of politics with ds1. He took ds1 to meet our MP at the HofP a couple of years ago and DS still talks about it.
I was always able to express lots of milk so he has always done his fair share of night feeds and he's had periods of working remotely so being at home to see the younger ones in the day. He was one of 2 and had nothing in common with his sibling. He always wanted 4.

[LentilStew]

But, SGADM, many women cannot comprehend why other women are overweight or spend no time on grooming. Likewise others don't understand the fuss about looking good and applying makeup to do the school run. Likewise chosing a partner. The fact that DH could debate and articulate his POV so well in a gentle non aggressive but utterly captivating way on a vast range of stuff from politics to science is without doubt, what did it for me. This would do nothing for some other women. It seems to me it's the same here regarding the size of family other women chose.

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

The chap that fixes my white goods has just had his 11th child!

And all home educated.

[tomatodizzy]

I know a couple of large families that from the outside would fit the typical large family, benefit, council home image that people like to conjour up. One has 7 and the other has 8. Both families have been on and off benefits over the time, both live in council accommodation, both have parents that are not highly educated and not high earners. Both have polite, respectful, educated, happy and successful children.

I find it very sad that people assume that because people don't have enough bedrooms, or don't have a large income then they shouldn't have more children. Material factors are not the most important or only factors that govern a good family set-up. There are so many areas between rich and poor where people may not have everything they need or want, but that doesn't mean they are in poverty or desperation either.

[Bambambini]

I think if you are very good parents and can support your children emotionally and financially etc and it's a stable happy family then crack on - we need more children being raised like that. I doubt myself as a parent all the time and often worry - i wouldn't dare inflict myself on lots of children!

Am a bit curious as to how the fathers who have to work to support all these children (considering many of the mums are SAH) feel about it - was it what they wanted as much as the mother?

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

Pressed too soon.

But I think the outlier nature of a large family is curious to most people. The why, being the central concern/interest.

What is it about multiple children that is compelling?

[ItsANewDayToday]

Strange is definitely not interchangeable with unusual. I think it would be unusual if SheGotTheMoves didn't already know that.

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

I don't mind strange or unusual or even odd.

I think of myself in all those terms. Far preferable to average or even normal.

[splendide]

I have one child and probably won't have another but I suppose if I could afford to be a SAHM and we had lots of money I can see the appeal in a big family. I would need a LOT of money though - enough for some serious help in the house!

[Molio]

The dictionary is a rough guide SGADM, a useful but blunt instrument. 'Strange' definitely has derogatory connotations which 'unusual' doesn't. I'm surprised you don't get that (perhaps you're desensitized to the word 'strange', given that you write crime fiction where perhaps a fair old number of your characters are strange ).

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

Molio a quick look at my desk dictionary tells me that strange=unusual or surprising, difficult to understand. Unusual= uncommon, abnormal, unexpected, strange.

So I would say that the decision to have 5+ children can be squarely described as either strange or unusual.

To take offence at one descriptor but not the other is another example of both.

[LentilStew]

That should read as others extrapolate as it wasn't directed at you.