More of a WWYD - My colleague won't shut up!

[Tinytillytot]

My job is incredibly busy, I am currently doing around 30 hours overtime a month just to complete the minimum required tasks (which is a separate issue). Its really high pressure and I am stressed a lot of the time as are many of my colleagues.

My colleague who sits at the desk next to me is lovely, I like her as a person very much and she is genuinely lovely. But, she doesn't shut up...ever. I am genuinely scared of getting into conversations with her as she will invariably talk at me for a really long time and its often quite boring. I have tried saying politely that I really need to get on with work to which she says something along the lines of "Let me tell you this then i'll stop bothering you" followed by 10 minutes of monologue. I have tried just turning back to my laptop and typing (rude, I know) but this doesn't stop her. I have snapped a few times and then felt bad about it later however when I then apologise for being irritable the apology acceptance is a 15 minute monologue. I can't deal with it!

For instance, I went to get a sandwich yesterday and then sat at my desk to eat it. I refuse to work while I eat (there is no canteen) and so will take out my book and read. Colleague asks where my sandwich is from then tells me for 15 minutes where the best sandwiches can be found including really, really detailed directions to the shop. I was only taking 15 minutes to eat so I was actually getting more and more upset that I didn't get that 15 minutes downtime. This happens all the time. I know my colleague can read my body language because she often starts with a disclaimer "I know you are busy but i'll just tell you this one thing" etc

I don't want to be rude but I am genuinely starting to get angry about this - I feel like I'm being invaded all the time. Unfortunately I don't have the option of moving desks as I logistically need to sit around certain people. I just don't know how I can approach this?

Its a small first world problem I know but just looking for some advice?

[hellswelshy]

Ooh I sympathize OP as I have this going on right now at work! Its an older male colleague who is a genuinely nice chap but cannot for the life of him stfu!! He doesn't take social cues or seem to understand body language - I can be blatantly staring at my screen, furrowed brow and he STILL strikes up a conversation/monologue

I've not solved this myself either so my only helpful tip would be don't engage if you are busy, no eye contact, nothing! Or a firm ‘sorry I am busy‘!!

Some days I can deal with him but if I'm tired or stressed he often tips me over the edge.....

[We3KingyOfOblomovAre]

No rudeness. Just firm, definite, short, polite sentences.

[antimatter]

Earphones in. It really helps.

[MistressDeeCee]

Your colleague has control issues OP - its "You WILL listen to me, I will make sure that you do". Aside from that she clearly has issues with her own work - either can't cope and wants you to be in the same position ie behind on work so its not just her. Or she is just downright lazy. I wouldn't take her out for a coffee - Id speak to her at work make it short, and very blunt. You don't have to be rude just very direct.

Reading your posts my jaw is dropping - I simply don't know how you've been able to put up with that I know my stomach would knot every time she opens her mouth. I can't stand incessant, forced talking its too noisy for me, especially when I have other important things to do and someone clearly is wanting to make sure I don't get those things done.

Have you thought it may look to other colleagues as if you're both wasting time chatting, not just her?

Tell her sooner rather than later. She's thick skinned so should be able to take it, you should not have to deal with this kind of onslaught at work. You've the patience of a living saint Id have told her to shut her trap ages ago

[Gruntfuttock]

Does she do any work?

[Hissy]

Can't you ask her to help you so you're not so busy? Then you can talk AND work?

[seven201]

I have this problem too. I'm a teacher and the technician who works in our department just does not stop talking and it's not even interesting stuff, she's one of those people who take an hour to tell one very short boring story about a bus trip. When the students are working and I'm roaming round the room checking they're doing the right task etc. she'll pop in and just start talking to me and sometimes even involve the students. Sometimes to shut her up i'll start talking to the whole class about their work so she'll leave. When I'm in the office doing my marking or planning she'll just start talking and will not stop. I am now really rude and start typing or marking but she just carries on so I just say the occasional 'uh huh'. It drives me insane and it adds up to many many hours wasted. My boss is well aware as she's witnessed it and experienced it to a lesser degree herself and just says 'yeah, she does love to chat' when I raise it. The thing that really annoys me is that she has got plenty of stuff she should be doing herself! She's a nice lady but I just do not want to hear that her sister's step-son's cousin is related to some z list celebrity - who cares?! Sorry, I have been no help whatsoever but it felt good to get it off my chest. You have my sympathy.

[OVienna]

OP
What about trying this:

"I don't have time now, but let's speak later."

Later never comes. Just repeat as often as need.

"Sounds interesting but I'm just getting on now, sorry."

And then keep working. "Speak later!" smile, put headphones on.

[Acostapurposes]

Only a serious talk with her will do.

You will be doing her a favour

[Acostapurposes]

I was your colleague once

The guy told me to stop interrupting his lunches as he was reading.

I was really taken aback!

It worked though. I stopped interrupting him.

Anyway, six years on we are somehow married so no hard feelings. He still tells me to stop talking though

[Crinkle77]

I can sympathise with having to listen to monologues. My in-laws do the same and it drives me nuts. When she starts going on can you just politely say sorry but I've got to get this done by such and such a time... blame your boss or somehting for giving you a deadline.

[OnlyLovers]

I do wear headphones for most of the day anyway but but she just gets my attention and then starts talking so I feel I have no choice but to take them out.

You need to start feeling differently! Shake your head 'no' and carry on working.

I really have also done the "I'm really busy - I need to work" but her answer to that is "I'll just quickly tell you about X or Y"

Then your answer is 'No, I'm busy.' You just need a bit of a thick skin.

[Sazzle41]

Headphones, you don't have to actually be listening to stuff. And ask her Manager why she has so much time on her hands when you ae drowning. Is she someone you could delegate stuff too if she has so little on?!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Leave your headphones in. You are NOT obliged to talk to her.
Nod politely then start bobbing your head in time with the music and ignore her.

[Notrevealingmyidentity]

When she says "I will just tell you"

Just say firmly "no x I said I'm busy" and ignore her.

She will soon get the message.

And don't feel guilted into taking your earbuds out either.

[hellsbellsmelons]

'Blimey love, how is it you have so much time to talk? I don't even have time to think at the moment I'm so feckin' busy. If you have some spare time I can certainly give you some bits and pieces to do but I really need to get on with everything or I'll be doing more overtime this month. We can have a chat at the end of my shift.'

[Tinytillytot]

littlered how do you ensure you can keep the chat "brief" ? Any tips?

[Queenbean]

I've had the exact same and dealt with it by:

Step one: saying "sorry, I'm just right in the middle of something" and then turning back to my desk, not engaging at all if she keeps talking
Step two: pretend that you don't realise she's talking to you, so just literally do your work, make phone calls, turn away and make notes in your book etc. If you make eye contact, repeat step one :)

[Tinytillytot]

Sorry for the delay - my colleague also reads my screen so updating quickly while she is out having a smoke.

Thanks everyone for all of the advice. Re using headphones - I do wear headphones for most of the day anyway but but she just gets my attention and then starts talking so I feel I have no choice but to take them out.

I really have also done the "I'm really busy - I need to work" but her answer to that is "I'll just quickly tell you about X or Y" Its infuriating.

I think I will ask her for coffee and have a serious conversation as PP advises above. Then if there is no improvement I guess I will have to speak to a manager. Its just so awkward! I hate that kind of serious action. I have noticed that I've recently started obsessively scratching my knee out of frustration when she talks to me, its like a distraction method. I must look a bit weird ha!

angels and twoin you have my sympathy – its comforting to know you feel my pain though 

[Littleredhouse]

I've had similar. I just started going out to so I could eat my lunch in peace. I would also engage in a brief chat each time so as not to appear rude, then say I had an urgent email to deal with and physically turn away.

[angelos02]

You have my sympathy OP. Some people just can't read body language. If my colleague talked to me when I was trying to eat my lunch, I would literally stop eating, making it clear I was waiting for her to finish talking before I would continue my lunch and she still didn't get the message!

[TwoInTheMourning]

Sorry OP that was very "me me me"

[TwoInTheMourning]

I have this too except it's not with a colleague, it's with my boss, and she's not lovely, she's horrid; oh and she doesn't talk about non work related stuff, she talks about her work, what she's doing, non stop, all day long. She interrupts my train of though all the time, constantly. I can't think, I can't relax, I have her constant ranting background all the time, non stop. The headache is constant. Sometimes I feel like crying.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Headphones. She can talk to herself then.

Mintoil's suggestion is the best though.

[FlatOnTheHill]

Agree headphones