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AIBU?

AIBU to be bored shitless?!

48 replies

Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 18:18

I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable or not! I'm 12 weeks pregnant and bored every weekend. As I haven't shared the news with anyone but DM and DH, I've not met up with friends as I didn't want to lie/ be questioned about not drinking. However, all I have done in the last 12 weeks is eat, sleep, work, walk the dog and go to the gym. Anyone got any ideas of prego friendly activities that I can do?

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goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 20:50

Not sure if they have Daisy Yoga in Bristol but I found it quite useful.

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VoldysGoneMouldy · 19/12/2015 20:52

Do you have any close friends that you could tell you were expecting, if you feel that is what is impacting on your social life?

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 20:52

If you re read the previous posts, you might see that I have explained myself slightly better as the thread progresses. I have no close friends where I live and am feeling lonely. Would love to do all those things you mentioned, but I don't have anyone to do that with. Besides my husband and he is not interested in mooching around shops. And there is a limit to how many times I can drag him to the cinema!

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Orda1 · 19/12/2015 20:54

I do most things with my just partner, in fact one of my best friends I've not seen for over a year (she doesn't live nearby). I bloody love it.

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 20:55

That was directed at Orda. Love the name Vouldy! I have told my best friends as they are so lovely. Unfortunately, they live in London and I live in Bristol...

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 20:58

So Orda- you are happy with just your partners company? I'm not being rude- genuinely curious. I mean my Husband is great and all that, but I think dragging him to the theatre to watch Mary Poppins might be pushing it... I also want to retain a sense of "me" outside Husband and baby!

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Orda1 · 19/12/2015 21:01

Yep, I mean I spend most of my day at work so it's really only weekends free anyway. I spend time with my family too but mainly him, I see friends at parties.

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goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:04

I love my DH but it would be nice to hang out with local pregnant women who know what I'm going through!

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 21:09

I so agree goodnight. I'm quite a social person- I realise this is not coming across ha! I don't think I could be happy not seeing my friends for over a year! Likewise Orda, I work up to 70 hours a week, that's why I so desperately want something other than work, gym or husband! Otherwise I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel...

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Topseyt · 19/12/2015 21:12

I too was the first of my family or friends to have a baby, and yes, I agree that it was quite isolating at the time.

At the moment you can go out and about on your own, wander the shops in peace, go walking in peace, visit family in peace, go out for a meal if you are feeling up to it, as others said, go and see a film in peace. All of these are things which are much more difficult once the baby arrives. If there is one piece of advice I could go back and give to my pre-parenthood self it would be to make the most of my remaining child-free time.

Look into local antenatal classes, not just NCT ones. These might introduce you to other newly pregnant women too, and you may get some new friends there as you share experiences.

Some of your old friends may work their way back into the loop again as they perhaps start to settle down and have babies of their own.

As for big announcements of the pregnancy, I didn't bother. I am not naturally extrovert, so I announced to very few people. Then it just worked its way around on a grapevine really.

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Orda1 · 19/12/2015 21:17

Oh not all my friends, just one who I moved far from, we chat almost every day. I think I'd be pretty happy not seeing them for a year, I don't need to see them to know they're there.

I think I'm probably just really boring though!

The last time I went "out" was when I was at uni and I found it so boring then.

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goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:17

I'm not very social so I find it hard to make new friends. I can see myself ending up desperate and alone once the baby is born ... oh god.

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 21:18

It is isolating being the first. Although quite surprising, given I'm the youngest at nearly 29.
I think it's the worry of trying to maintain a sense of "me" whilst also appreciating that most of my priorities have changed. Financially and lifestyle wise, we are in a great place (not a stealth boast), and the pregnancy was planned. And on paper, everything should be perfect. But I can't shake the feeling of being down and I think this is partly due to the isolation. Some really helpful comments and suggestions here though!

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 21:20

Or worse goodnight.... Hovering around at classes, manically smiling, hoping someone will take pity on you! Or even worse, having to take your mother...

Quick- there must be something we can do!

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WorraLiberty · 19/12/2015 21:22

When do you plan on telling people that you're pregnant?

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Pregasaurusrex · 19/12/2015 21:24

I've had a private scan at eight weeks and everything was good. My dating scan isn't until just under 14 weeks, so after then.

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goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:25

Oh, god, definitely not taking my mother.

One thing I will say about Daisy Yoga is that there wasn't much emphasis on making friends there. It was kind of "do yoga, leave." I kind of figured that NCT classes take a more motherly approach to getting you all together. Hoping to find something that's a good compromise locally!

Also agree about the whole "on paper, everything is perfect" thing. But my head's in a totally different place of worry and woe!

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MrsDeVere · 19/12/2015 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saukko · 19/12/2015 22:26

Maybe you need to focus more on making new, local friends - so try a mix of things where you meet over babies (this can be a downside, really, as you end up with people with nothing in common apart from a baby, which as a conversation point can run out of steam pretty quickly), and things where you just meet as normal people. Book group, see if something catches your eye on Meetup.com (hobby groups, discussion groups etc), choir, taking a course at an adult education college, anything really.

I found when I had my kids the last thing I wanted to talk about was babies, crying, sleep patterns, nappy contents and what I'd puréed lately - I wanted some other topic to be the focus.

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whois · 19/12/2015 23:38

Um... I don't really understand why you can't carry on as normal, just without the drink? Surely your leisure time didn't just revolve around drunk before? Cinema, meal out, sports, tea and cake, visiting family, not sure why you'd have to stop any of these.

Oh this made me laugh.

Cinema - been about once with friends in the past year. It's not a very social thing to do since you can't talk so we don't really do that.

Meals out - yup all the time. But they almost always involve a nice bottle of wine.

Sports - yes but not with friends. Friendly but not friends.

Tea and cake - um, nope

Family - my friends don't normally come visit my family with me!

I can see how it would be very hard for one of our friends to be pg as we mainly meet for meals and there is normally wine. Would be easier once a few people knew as then would be happy to meet to do something else.

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HackerFucker22 · 19/12/2015 23:43

Surely it's 8 weeks not 12 you'll have this issue for?

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Pregasaurusrex · 20/12/2015 09:03

Yes Whois- exactly! The cinema isn't particularly social, and there is nothing on. It costs quite a lot of money, to sit and watch a crap film! They gym is an insular activity and might get a few odd looks if I started conversations with people working out!
Unfortunately, no Daisy Yoga locally, all on the other side of Bristol. Might spend the morning researching the NCT!

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multivac · 20/12/2015 09:50

Genuine apologies, OP. I should have read between the lines, really - I got distracted by the emphasis on 'boredom', and the relatively short period of time you were talking about.

Isolation can be a serious issue when you become a parent, and I would say even more so after the birth than before. So the advice about trying to start building a network now is really key, I think. You may feel that you don't want to become a 'professional mother', as it were - but the fact is, the way you socialise will be different once there's a small person involved; and it's all much easier with others who are in a similar position to you. Not instead of your current network, but in addition to.

Again - apologies. There's no olive branch emoji, will these do?