AIBU to think my in-laws are horrible people (sorry, long rant)

[89Ellie]

At the start of the year, I suffered a miscarriage at 12wks...the only people that dh & I told about the pregnancy were my parents, his parents and our siblings. As we hadn't told anyone else about the pregnancy, we decided not to tell extended family about the miscarriage.

The day I was released from hospital (dh had also stayed with me on hospital), he rang our parents and explained what happened...my parents were fantastic, very supportive, brought some dinner to our house and then gave us space when needed.

In laws said "thanks for letting us know, when you're ready for visitors, let us know"... I figured that they simply didn't know what to say so were giving us time to come to terms with what had happened. The next day, dh sent them a message saying that they could visit that day at whatever time was convenient to them...mil said she was too upset to visit so would be around some time in the week.

She turned up the next day, told my dh that he could talk to her whenever he wanted "as obviously Ellie won't want to listen to you" and then when he started talking , she interrupted and spent 30mins talking about how she was so upset and she hadn't slept and she didn't know how she would cope...followed by an "I'm glad you're both ok- I've got to go now so look after yourselves". A couple of days later I got a text saying she hoped I was back at work or they might sack me and that I needed to get over it!

We heard nothing from them until a week later when she sent fil around to tell dh that mil was really struggling because I had banned her from discussing mc with family members! Dh, who normally just goes along with mil, was furious and told him that it was our choice who to tell about our private business and that she has plenty of people to talk to (ie us, fil, bil & sil) whereas we only had each other and my parents as she was being so unsupportive! Fil agreed with dh (but I'm pretty sure that mil was not told this as fil, bil & sil are all scared of her and will do anything for an easy life!).

Since then, things have been pretty strained and although we are trying to make an effort to get "back to normal", we have only seen them a couple of times in the past 2/3mths (we used to see them at least once a fortnight).

On Monday lunchtime, I text mil, bil & sil asking how they are, if they had anything planned over Xmas/new year and if they wanted to have dinner at ours at some point over the holidays. Mil text back stating she was fine but ignored the rest of the message...bil/sil have not responded to message (despite posting on Facebook/Twitter several times since I messaged them!)

I'm at the point where I just think that I should give up on them but I don't want dh to miss out on his family. Also, dh & I are expecting another baby (haven't told anyone yet as are waiting for scan) and I just know that when we share the news they will want to see us all the time again.

I understand that the mc was difficult for them too, and that they probably didn't know how to act around us, but I kind of think that if they can't support us at our lowest point, why should they get to share our happier times? Do you think am being unreasonable and how would you go about resolving the situation?

[Freezingwinter]

sorry for your loss, and yanbu they do sound awful.