To not remind Ds of the time?

[Kim82]

Ds is 14 and in year 10. Every morning I get him up at 7am so he has plenty of time to be up, fed and ready to leave for school at 8.30am. Every morning I have to shout upstairs that he needs to get a bloody move on or else he'll be late as he spends ages pissing about in his bedroom doing nothing.

This morning he went upstairs at 7.30am after his breakfast and sat in his room for half an hour. At 8am he got in the shower, it is now 8.38am and he is still in the bathroom doing god only knows what. AIBU to be fed up of time managing him in the morning and just leave him to be late in future until he sorts himself out? His 11 and 8 year old sisters manage to get themselves ready and out on time, so should he!!

[Mistigri]

I think you're giving him too much time, which means he CAN sit around doing nothing. Being under more time pressure would help.

Here showers are the night before and DS has 40 mins to get up, washed, dressed and breakfasted, and we could afford to reduce that (because he still manages to faff around for 10 mins).

[Bishboshbash]

My Step Mum had to phone her son from her holiday at 6am everyday so he got up for work. He is 26. You are doing your son a favour in the long term!

[Scarydinosaurs]

I think you're confusing cooperation and hindering. You ARE cooperating, you are supporting the school. You are doing nothing that stops him from coming to school- this is what schools object to.

He will solve it himself by Friday. Good luck!

[BrideOfWankenstein]

My DS is 10. He gets up himself, makes his own breakfast(sandwiches, cereal or 2 minute porridge), eats it, brushes his teeth, gets dressed and leaves at about 8:25. Calls me when gets to school, in about 7 minutes after leaving.
He doesn't need me to remind him. I usually stay in bed till about 9 with baby DD. Most mornings DP is up as well, but he only occasionally reminds him of time (if DS is too interested in TV, but even then he gets to school on time).
I think at 14 to not be able to manage his own time is a bit .
Tell him that it stops now and to set up the alarms to wake up, to leave the house in 20 minutes, and to leave the house NOW and leave him to it. If he will be late, it's his own problem. Occasionally you could check with school how many times he was late to see whether this system is working.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

YANBU. At 14 it should be his responsibility.

[Notso]

SDTG that is my nightmare scenario for DS1, 11. I'm certain if I never said anything to him he would never wash, change clothes, brush anything or even realise his clothes were too small.
His big sister was pretty much self sufficient at his age, even his 3 and 4 year old brothers remember to put clean pants on!

[shutupanddance]

Leave him to it. My y9 DD has been getting herself up and out for 7.30 since yr7. I'm often not even up when she leaves.

[PeterParkerSays]

I would perhaps have tipped him off last night that he'd need to sort out timings himself as of this morning, so he knew in advance. It would probably have made no difference, and he certinly knows now for tomorrow, but he absolutely should be sorting himself out better at this age.

[slightlyconfused85]

Yanbu. You've done enough to get him up at 7- he's got plenty of time to sort himself out. When he keeps getting late detentions he might get himself in gear!

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

at 14 my mum worked full time and left the house before i got up, i was late for school every day, but then i was late for everything for the next 30 years.

but... it was my problem, it appears your shouting isn't achieving anything as he is still late anyway, so stop it.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Keep the phone until he is up and dressed.
And he is now old enough for coffee. A cup of that might speed him up a bit.

[sugar21]

YANBU
Just leave him to get himself out of the door on time. If he's late then he has to accept the consequences. My exh would never move his butt from bed, simply because his Mummy had always woke him up with a cup of tea and then ran him a bath before she cooked his brekkie. Also did all his laundry and ironing and made him a packed lunch. He was 23 and didn't know how to use a washing machine. When we were first married she used to visit just to iron his shirts. Didnt mind her doing that because I sure as hell wasnt going too!

[WhitePhantom]

I agree with PP's that you're enabling him and are not doing him any favours.

I'd still make sure he's awake at 7am, but leave it to him after that.

And I'd actually contact the school to let them know about the problems you have getting him up and out, that you're leaving it up to him from now on, and to please come down hard on him if he's late! Once or twice should be enough to sort him out

[UmbongoUnchained]

My bus stop was just outside my house. I became a master of getting out of bed at 7:50 and being stood at the busstop for 8:00 God knows how I used to dress, brush teeth, do make up and straighten hair in that time coz these days it takes me 30 minutes to peel my eyes open and get my contacts in!

[strawberrypenguin]

Hopefully not SDTG help was probably the wrong word 'remind' maybe. Only for the first night too, just think it's quite a jump to go from constant nagging to nothing so a little extra no the first night would be kind.