to think we don't need godparents?

[lilyb84]

Expecting first DC in January. Have several good friends who'll be 'aunt' this and 'uncle' that, I'm sure. DH has already mentioned to one that he can be godparent - I don't think entirely seriously.

We're not religious, my own godparents were my aunt and uncle who I've never been close to and who certainly didn't provide any guide of moral guidance - or anything else - in my life.

I don't see the need for our DC to have godparents and would rather avoid potentially putting people's noses out of joint if we were to pick one person or couple over others.

AIBU? Do (non-religious) people still have godparents? Or come to think of it, christenings which I also don't want?

[PurpleDaisies]

Oops-in our church not I. Put church above.

[PurpleDaisies]

MissBattleaxe some Christians don't think that baptising a baby is right because the child can't make the decision themselves to follow Jesus, and baptism is just an outward sign to others showing that you've decided to do that. So I. Put church we have many children who have Christian parents and are being brought up as part of the church but they won't be baptised until they themselves choose that they want to do it if that makes sense. The role of the godparents there would be exactly the same as godparents of christened babies.

[AliMonkey]

A PP said you can't have godparents without christening. We do - we had a dedication for the DC (so a Christian ceremony promising to bring them up in a Christian way it leaving them to make the decision for baptism themselves when they are older). It was also something that DH could truthfully agree to without him having to make statements he didn't believe, as he isn't a Christian. He has though made them as godparent at oue god daughter's Christening, which I was slightly uncomfortable with but then as her parents aren't Christians it was OK with them as they were doing it themselves!

[mightypissedoff]

I am a Christian and have not had my DD christened. I am firmly of the belief that children should decide if they wish to follow a religion and my DD is getting baptised in a couple of months, She will be 19 and it is totally her choice.

I always seems stange to me why people of no faith have christenings if they do not intend to follow that religion.

[Laquila]

Interesting thread. I wasn't christened (and therefore don't have have godparents) as I was prem and very ill, and the hospital chaplain wanted to get me baptised asap. My parents seemed to want to make a point that because they were adamant I was going to survive, I didn't need immediate baptism, and then I think they wanted it continue making that point for the next thirty-odd years! I consider myself a Christian, though.

I haven't had my son baptised as my husband is an atheist. I do agree with a pp who said that they find non-believers getting married in church less strange/confusing than non-believers having their kids baptisd in church.

[mrsnec]

I'm christened and so is dh but we're both agnostic. We had pressure from family to christen dd because we live in a very religious country and she could be excluded from things at school if I had said we were not religious so I get all the benefits of having a christening without having to have had the ceremony just by putting c of e on her paperwork which suited me. Regarding godparents we might actually have them but without having a christening. Dh has a relative who was best man at our wedding but not a witness and didn't feel important enough so we were going to make him godfather to make him feel better. But we would have had to pay for his flights to a christening so we didn't have one.

Also in my family there are a couple who might not be able to have children of their own and they have lots of godchildren because some people think that's helpful for them to be godparents. All of the parents make sure this couple see their godchildren regularly and are part of their lives.

My godparents were aunts and uncles and I was never that close to them but it's each to their own isn't it.

[Groovee]

My children have special friends who were at their naming ceremony. They basically do the job of a godparent. I had no one to turn to as a child, where as I feel if my children had these role models who they could turn into if they needed someone who wasn't their parents.

One set are the family without blood (close enough to us to consider them family) and the other set are a blood related auntie and uncle.

[IssyStark]

Battleaxe our kids were not christening but we had a naming ceremony and had 'sponsors' for them who we call godparents because people understand that relationship.

They are they to be special (non-related) aunties and uncles. An adult who the kids can turn to if they need someone who isn't their mum and dad to talk to, an adult with whom they have a close relationship but whom they know will not be judgmental if they need help.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

We had a naming ceremony and chose 4 supporting adults who do the 'godparent' thing - they are just friends who we wanted to have a closer connection with DS.

We also have two legal guardians named and three trustees.

Small family (just me, DP and DS) - gotta think about these things.

[MissBattleaxe]

Gosh some religious people have rather fixed views don't they

But we're talking about a religious ceremony so I think religious people are entitled to have an opinion about that.

[StrawberryLeaf]

I have baptised both of my children but they don't have god parents. We couldn't decide between three important people and after speaking to my minister she advised that god parents are not a requirement (church of Scotland).

My children have close relationships with other adults in our family and my wishes for their guardianship is stipulated in my will.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Gosh some religious people have rather fixed views don't they?
(that's just because I like the raised eyebrow face!)

[MissBattleaxe]

Oh Ok! Sorry Cherry!

[Cherryblossomsinspring]

Yes of course christened! I only talk about godparents in the event of a christening happening. Sorry, that wasn't clear considering the weird things people do these days.

[MissBattleaxe]

Cherry- but is your child christened? It just seems odd to have godparents and not have a baptism since Godparents are about nurturing faith and not just to make your friends feel like they're your favourite friends.

[Cherryblossomsinspring]

We have chosen godparents for our children as a nice thing to show a special relationship with certain people we love and respect. You don't have to have any at all as you as parents are automatically godparents anyway.

A guardian is a separate thing that people often mistake as being part of being a godparent. You would be wise to officially ask and document a guardian for your children.

[MissBattleaxe]

Purple- what is their role if the child was not baptised and is not (presumably) being brought up within the church?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Interestingly at our church, most of the Christenings are for non regulars. None of mine were Christened until 5 minutes before they were confirmed, so they don't have Godparents.

[PurpleDaisies]

You can not have godparents without a christening, the clue is in the name.

In the Church of England you can have a thanksgiving (different from a a Christening-no baptism of the baby takes place) with god parents. I have the certificate to prove it.

[SoftBlocks]

I think a lot of people who aren't religious and haven't had a christening have 'godparents' for their kids by which they mean someone - close friend or relative of the parent - who is expected to take an interest in the child, maybe offer a bit of support to parents or be the legal guardian/ executor of the will should the worst happen. However, you need to appoint guardians and executors formally through your will.

[buffyajp]

You can not have godparents without a christening, the clue is in the name. The parents may refer to certain people as godparents but if there was no baptism then there are no godparents. The role of Godparents is specifically to help to bring a child up in their faith and provide spiritual guidance. There is nothing wrong with people having a naming ceremony choosing special people to be involved with their child's life but don't call them godparents because they aren't.

[GingerFoxInAT0phat]

I wasn't christened and don't have godparents, I'm glad I wasn't christened as a child.

My children also haven't been christened and neither have godparents.

A couple of friends have asked dh and I to be godparents for their children but I declined. It just seems so pointless and fussy when people go to all these lengths if they don't believe in God? I don't know one person who is religious.

[BoskyCat]

We're non-religious and we don't have them. Having seen the Christening questions I can't see anyone who's a non-believer could do all that!

We do have to nominate people to care for our DC if necessary and we do also name various friends as emergency contacts on school forms and so on ?? but what I have found after 10 years of parenting is that these can change over time. It may depend on who your DC are close to and what other people are going through in their lives. So I actually wouldn't want to permanently put someone in that position. It could lead to awkwardness down the line.

[feezap]

We are definitely not religious, actively did not get married in church and have not had DS christened.

However we did have a BBQ for him and appoint some friends as guardians, they are often referred to as godparents for ease of other people understanding their role/relationship. They will be there as guides and special people in DS's life, just not in a religious way.

I wasn't Christened but do have friends of my parents who I have a more special relationship with, I think this is lovely and have seen this bond between other people and their godparents/children. We wanted to have a similar situation for DS.

Of course you can't literally have godparents if you are not christened but the term is useful for those who don't understand the meaning of guardian when you haven't got time for a long explanation, I think this is where some if the confusion earlier on in the thread comes from. The term fairy godmother has nothing to do with religion, it has simply evolved as language does, to mean something different than the sum of its parts.

Go with what you feel most comfortable with, and if that's nothing at all, perhaps those friends can still take on a special role without any name or ceremony.

[murmuration]

My daughter doesn't have godparents as we're not religious, although I have been thinking about having some kind of humanitarian service to recognise some spiritual parents or some such.

I've actually found my godparents very useful, as adults with whom I felt I had some kind of 'official' connection with, I was able to go to one when having issues with my parents and he served as an intermediary between me and them. And as an adult I've called the other when very worried about my Mum, hoping she could shed some light on whether what my mother was saying was an accurate reflection of reality or not (no, it wasn't, it was schizophrenic delusions, and I was able to get in touch with my Dad who wasn't, in fact, dead and get her help from across the ocean). I do know a few other of my parents friends, but my godmother and godfather have stood out as 'best friends' and people I knew I could always go to for me or for my parents. But just having good friends that your children know may serve the same purpose.