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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To BF DD in my lunch break?

19 replies

ToFeedOrNotToFeed · 31/08/2015 07:46

NC'ed for this just in case it outs me....Anyway, DD has just turned one, and starts nursery tomorrow (she'll be doing two full days a week) as I have to go back to work. Am honestly absolutely dreading it and am feeling very upset about it but if I don't go back to work for at least three months, I have to pay back the enhanced maternity pay I received. Otherwise I would quite possibly have quit.

DD is still on about 5 breastfeeds a day. She'll get three of them as normal, pretty much, (morning, late afternoon, and bedtime) but will miss two that she has at varying times during the day. The nursery have said I can do whatever I want - give her expressed milk or cows milk, or go in and feed her myself. The nursery is very close to work, just a couple of streets away - in fact, it's actually a shorter walk there than it is to the room I have been told I can express in.

I was thinking about going to BF her during my lunch hour but friends have told me this is a terrible idea as it will unsettle her. I am also concerned it will unsettle me as I know I will find it very hard to leave her! DH is going to be dropping me off, then her off, in the mornings and I will be walking down to pick her up in the evenings. He thinks I should go and feed her as it will break up the day for her and ensure she still gets her milk (she's not a huge fan of milk in a cup).

Don't know what to do and am just feeling so stressed about it all! AIBU to go and feed her during my lunch break?

OP posts:

MinesAPintOfTea · 31/08/2015 07:49

When DS was in the university nursery there was a group of us bfing in the messy play room at lunchtime. There was pressure to get there early for a good chair.

The DC settled fine.

SavoyCabbage · 31/08/2015 07:53

I would do it.

She will get used to the fact that you are there and then you are gone. She won't know any different in fact.

And it it doesn't work you can stop.

ipswichwitch · 31/08/2015 08:08

However you decide to manage this, I wouldn't worry about her not getting enough milk. Both of mine were bf, and both hated bottles (particularly DS1), so I was worried when I went back to work when they were 9mo. I needn't have worried though. When I was home they more than made up for it by having a good bf as soon as I was through the door, then a supper time and bedtime bf. Advice I got from a bf support worker was that they do still get plenty of milk even if they are bottle refusers, they just get it when you're there.

As she's 1 I'd be tempted to get nursery to give her cows milk/ebm. My DC always drank better from cups when I wasn't there, and they saw other kids doing the same. Plus there's potential for her becoming unsettled when you leave her at the end of lunch, and you need to fit in your own lunch too!

Not trying to say either way is right or wrong, you jut have to do why works and it is sometimes trial and error. Maybe try feeding at lunchtime as a settling in thing then try with ebm/cows milk after. Sorry if I've not been helpful! I remember worrying a lot about this when I went back to work.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 31/08/2015 08:09

I wouldn't. She is one so doesnt need it and will still be bf 3 times a day. Its a good chance to get her taking a cup with her daytime meals, giving you freedom and flexibility while still keeping bf going in the am and pm. You need to get back to work and although the thought of that separation from her is upsetting you now, I think you will possibly enjoy it. but it's shit having to keep dipping your head in and out of home life stuff throughout the day. Take your lunch for yourself. Focus on your work properly during the day and look forward to the moment you pick dd up from nursery. It's really a lovely thing.

mabythesea · 31/08/2015 08:11

She doesn't need the milk, so don't worry about that.

It would definitely unsettle my children at 1 and be a massive pita for me so I wouldn't have done it, but it's up to you really!

Cherryblossomsinspring · 31/08/2015 08:12

Just to add. Either way won't make any difference to your dd. Going to nursery is all new so whichever way you do it she will just accept that. Kids are so flexible when given the chance to be! It's you that may have a preference, not her. But do try to make your life as easy as possible.

YokoUhOh · 31/08/2015 08:18

DS was still fed on demand when I went back to work (he was nearly 10 months). He fed tens of times a day. He totally coped with no boob during the day, and I carried on BF him until he was 2.8!

Runningupthathill82 · 31/08/2015 08:20

I did this with DS, but i went back to work when he was four months old and still just on milk. Did it til he was six months or so.

It's a personal decision, but after my experience I wouldn't advise it. Aside from it perhaps unsettling DD, it could make it more difficult for you getting used to being back at work.

While my employer was accommodating in that I could take lunchbreaks at whatever time I needed to, the problem was with me. I found it hard to get back into the routine and mind set of work while still having DS and his feeds at the forefront of my brain. I found it much easier when I stopped the lunchtime feeds and could have "work me" and "home me."

I carried on bf to a year as well, so stopping lunchtime feeds didn't affect supply. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Bambooshoots14 · 31/08/2015 08:27

When ds saw me at the nativity mid day and then I left he had the biggest (only) melt down when I left. He doesn't ever cry in the mornings but it really upset him that I came then left again

They don't need that much milk. They will adjust. I would just leave it or express if you really want to

ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean · 31/08/2015 08:32

I, too, was worried how DD, a bottle & cup refuser, would be when she started nursery at 13mths. Within 2 days, she was drinking happily from a cup at nursery. She was also eating more food, probably because she wasn't getting as much milk. She continued with her morning & evening feeds for another 4 months.

Original poster

ToFeedOrNotToFeed · 31/08/2015 10:12

Thanks for the comments, really helpful. Leaning towards not going...just because I think it will upset me too much but DH thinks I should, argh! Totally get the idea of keeping home and work separate too. I am lucky in that I can take my lunch whenever, so that's not a problem, plus it is only two days a week and I finish at lunch time on the third day, so by this point I doubt it would affect my supply.

OP posts:

MyNewBearTotoro · 31/08/2015 10:22

i think ultimately this is your decision, not DH's. It's your body, your lunch hour and you who will have to deal with it if DD is unsettled or if it prevents you from properly settling into work.

If you're leaning towards not going then that's what you're leaning towards and it doesn't matter what DH thinks. Ultimately it doesn't really make much difference to him, it's only you (and your DD) who this will effect so it's completely your call.

MrsMook · 31/08/2015 10:24

Ds2 was a milk monster until I stopped his feeds just before he was 2. At 10 months he still fed regularly through the day, so just skipped the feeds at nursery and turned his nose up at any other milk. My only issue was engorgement in the first weeks, but my body adjusted to a mix of day feeds and work days.
Expecting him to wean down sooner, I had plans to go away for four days shortly after his birthday. He was completely fine in my absence. Again, the only issue was managing the engorgement.

Bottle refusers are resilient little people!

TheOddity · 31/08/2015 10:28

My mum picked me up every lunch from CM and gave me a feed. It was nice for her as much as me though. Why don't you do it for the first week and see how it goes? See if it helps or hinders you both? It's not up to your DH though. I went back to work at a year and he was still be heavily but after a month he settled. Not going to lie though, it took a while!

Buttercup27 · 31/08/2015 10:29

If you do bf at lunch time, does this mean she will be missing out on eating food with the other children as she will be with you bfing?

If this is the case I think I would be a little reluctant as I think meal times are important, especially when weaning.

Original poster

ToFeedOrNotToFeed · 31/08/2015 12:09

No, I'd take a later lunch break so it wouldn't interfere with her actually eating as I wouldn't want her to miss lunch at all. I worry though that she may fall asleep on me post feed and that could be awkward if she wanted to remain asleep but I had to leave.

Maybe as a pp said, the best thing to do is just try it and see how it makes us feel, it's all just guesswork otherwise.

OP posts:

Boobyroof · 31/08/2015 13:46

I would do it as my dd at nearly one has lots of bfs still. Perhaps trial it this week and see how you both get on. It's a big adjustment for you both and will be nice to break the day up.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/08/2015 14:46

ToFeed - I would give it a go for a couple of days - if it doesn't work (if it upsets either her or you too much) you can re-evaluate, but you'll be making your decision based on knowledge/experience rather than what-ifs.

SquinkiesRule · 31/08/2015 15:05

I'd do it and take a sandwich with me to eat while I fed her. Mine all fed past a year, much better for them and free. It'll probably stop you from becoming engorged while away from her so long each day seeing you are used to doing so many feeds.
I worked two long days a week and would come home huge, feed one side and pump the other ready for the next day of work. I'd have rather fed half way through the day than pump.

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