with this back to work request?

[ShouldILTB]

I cannot work out if I am being unreasonable or entitled to ask for this as part of my return to work package.

I want to request some kind of priority for annual leave around school holidays due to childcare issues. This is only going to be a problem around Christmas time.

In a nutshell I am asking to have the Christmas period as guaranteed leave (for one year at the very least) which I know is incredibly unfair but it's purely down to childcare issues. My CM has a week off at Easter, 2 in the summer and 2 at Xmas... essentially I want to make sure these are roughly covered by me.

Dad's working situation isn't determined yet so he may or may not be able to pitch in (It's long and complicated and we are no longer a couple) and I don't have a big support network.

For disclosure - I have worked several Xmases over the years, including one when I was heavily pregnant. However the department is only small and we do need cover. I probably live closest?

Am I a fool to even ask?

[TheOddity]

You're not thinking about this like your boss, which you should always do when making special work requests. Things I'm thinking as a boss are 'even if I ask the team, what if the team changes this year?', 'will this cause resentment?', 'will this be an annual problem', etc...

Even with a partner, I have at times needed a plan b. I'm thinking for Christmas could you not ship a family member up to help you out for a week? You have do much time to sort this out yourself. Have you offered your childminder extra to work christmas? Have you asked any friends for ideas?

[NotMyMonkey]

You say you don't seen your circumstances changing anytime in the future, so what will you do for all the other Xmas' , Easter's etc? Will you be expecting to be given priority every year? Not being funny, genuine question.

[EBearhug]

We can book leave from January, so if it's that important, do it as soon as you're back in the office - I'd be surprised if it's booked up by the time you're back in March.

[ArendelleQueen]

5 days over Easter (another time when people will want those times) and 8 over Christmas?! Sorry but if I were your colleague, I'd be fucked off. You know your childcare is going to cause issues but you need to make an effort to deal with it.

[DinosaursRoar]

(the above assumes your exP is as much of a twat as you fear and you don't get time off when your DC is with him, if you might well never get time to yourself, being able to take a day off work and still put your DC in childcare for a few hours might be a sanity saver when your DC hits the terrible 2s...)

[Spartans]

So you want Easter an christmas off. Honestly op, sounds like this childcare arrangement isn't practical.

So what are plans if your circumstances don't change after the year?

[DinosaursRoar]

There's another point in the favour of a nursery over a childminder if you are on your own, if you use a childminder you are going to have to save all of your holiday leave for their holiday and possible sick days, whereas if you use a nursery, you'll have a place available every day expect bank holidays and a few days between christmas and new year - so if you need a day to yourself - to get your hair cut, to go christmas present shopping, to just catch up on your life stuff without a toddler in tow (and they are out of buggies and distroying shops quickly!) - you can take a day's leave and still use the nursery for the whole/part of the day.

[mygrandchildrenrock]

I know you said your childminder is a family friend but I really think you need to be looking for a day nursery, you will then have the flexibility to work when needed.

[Aridane]

I disagree with earlier posters - YABU- but zI suspect your manager will be reasonable and not discriminate against your colleagues in this way and will decline your request

[ChristineDePisan]

If I was your employer there is no way that I would agree now to giving you the Xmas after next off: why would I want to tie my hands so far in advance? I would want to be sympathetic to your leave request, but not t the extent of agreeing it formally now.

And I second the others who say that you need to have a Plan B (and C and D...) anyway for those random things that always crop up that mean that your normal child care plans don't work

[ShouldILTB]

We have no set pattern but I hoped working two in a row 2013 / 2014 would make my case - for 2016 at least - a bit stronger.

[Babyroobs]

YABU. You should be prepared to follow the usual pattern if there is one. In our workplace we have to work Christmas day every other year. if you have a Chriatmas off on mat leave you wouls definately be expected to work the next one and every alternate one after that. We have lots of mums in my team, they get no special treatment.

[ShouldILTB]

Final point and then I'll bugger off - I haven't had a "year off" - and I find that a really negative and dismissive way to look at a woman who is on maternity leave. Sadly this is the view taken by my work colleagues (had this mentioned in jest many a time between announcing pregnancy and going on ML)

I have had a year out of employment to raise my baby, not a year off.

[ShouldILTB]

With all due respect I didn't "choose" to become a single parent. Plan when I fell pregnant was for Ex to be a SAHD. That is now not going to happen.

The reason I said for at least one year is that I don't foresee my circumstances changing - so I am not going to live any closer to my family / earn vastly more money than I do now to be able to have a nanny. I am always going to be almost solely responsible for children.

I appreciate I need to look at alternative childcare altogether and appreciate everyone's responses.

[dontrunwithscissors]

This is the problem with CMs, although on balance, my experience was that DD2 was ill less often with a CM than when DD1 was at nursery.

We never paid our CM when she was off. Is that the case for you? There's a site called something like emergencychildcare.com that has people who can provide ad hoc childcare. Maybe see what's in your area?

[FithColumnist]

YANBU to ask, although I think a full two weeks is mugging the rest of your department off to be honest.

However, just to counter those who say that the childfree men might be narked at you asking for leave at Christmas just because you're a parent, I'll point out that as a childfree man, in my previous job I always used to volunteer to work over Christmas and on Christmas day so my colleagues with DCs could have the time off. It just seemed like a nice thing to do and the triple time on Christmas Eve/Day and Boxing Day was pretty sweet.

[Spartans]

It's for next year?

Yabu and panicking needlessly.

Also what will change between next year and the year after? You say you need it for one year at the very least. What are you expecting to change that means you may not need it after the firsts one?

[leghoul]

I think you're being unreasonable everyone has commitments. Request it as leave as early as you can using normal methods.

[Andrewofgg]

If you get leave at Christmas 2016 don't even think about asking for 2017!

[chrome100]

YABVU! Your childcare issues don't trump everyone else's wants and needs. What about people whose families live in other countries, or whose partners can only get certain times of year off, or who, quite simply, want to take their AL at Christmas?

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

YABU

No one at my company gets two weeks off at christmas (we only close weekends and bank holidays). Generally people get either Xmas or new year of they're lucky, never both, and quite often neither. I know all companies will be different, but in a small team I would expect some give and take from everyone to help everyone get some days they want even though everyone will also have to work some days they wanted off.

I have no kids, my family are far away and I don't drive. For me to do anything other than spend christmas alone (which I don't actually mind, have done before and its my plan this year) I need at least part of Xmas eve and the day after the bank holidays to travel home as no trains on the Xmas bank holidays. As these are my must-haves, they're the only ones I ask for and I tend to volunteer to stay late on nye when everyone else wants early finishes.

You can say I choose to not drive and live far from family. Well, op chose to have kids.

If I was your colleague I'd be fuming if it was granted at the expense of other people. It's pretty entitled to be asking for preferential leave allocation when you come back from a year off.

[hibbleddible]

This is a very difficult one.

I think I am leaning on the side of yabu. You can ask if it would be possible to have Christmas off, but I don't think it would be reasonable to ask for it to be guaranteed.

I understand how hard childcare must be as a single parent without a support network. Maybe you need to look for another job which you can fit in with childcare if you cannot find childcare over these periods?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I agree you need more comprehensive childcare arrangements because it's a question of "when" rather than "if" your ex lets you down. If he is going to do that to deliberately make your life difficult (which sounds like a possibility) then having robust childcare arrangements will deprive him of that power. Ideally you want to be in a position where you can shrug your shoulders when he behaves like a twat and carry on with your life anyway.

[cruikshank]

I think the OP is getting some unjustly harsh replies here - she isn't asking for the leave 'because she is a parent' but because she is unable to work when the childminder takes time off. It's a practical thing, not a 'parents trumping the rights of non-parents' thing. And 'advice' to put her baby in a nursery or with a childminder that the baby doesn't know, for two weeks all of a sudden, is utter madness - childcare doesn't work like that, not for the children or for the childcare providers.

OP, I think it's a reasonable enough request, but like others if I were you I would think very carefully about your childcare arrangements because just one childminder who takes lots of time off is going to leave you with very little wiggle room. I am also a working single parent and the only reason it has worked for me is because I've used a childminder who teams up with another childminder so they cover each other's holidays plus me and the dc know a fair few of the other childminders who are local and would and have help out in a pinch because they know us so well. I would be feeling very worried indeed about the prospect of certain weeks where I was unable to work, including a time of year when lots of people want time off, if there was no guarantee (which there isn't) that I would get leave for that time.

So I think that your issue is not your request - there's really no harm in asking - but your childcare arrangements. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, because you like your childminder and you're getting a good rate, both of which are very important issues. But in terms of making your going back to work feasible, it sounds a bit too seat-of-your-pants to me - you're already worrying about something that is going to happen in 16 months, and rightly so imho. My guess is that this will happen again and again, and you really don't want to come unstuck. You need something in place that really suits you, and as a single parent it has to be absolutely watertight.

[googoodolly]

I think you can't rely on getting the time off when you need it, though. It's all very well saying you want 5 days at Easter etc., but you need them at the same time the childminder is closed, surely? What if someone else gets there first and you can't have the week off you need?

I think having to book your annual leave around the holidays of your childminder is a bit risky imo. So CM is closed say, April 1-7th. You can't get that week off because two other people have gotten there first. What do you do? Can you afford to take unpaid parental leave, for example?