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AIBU?

to let these comments upset me?

17 replies

CharleyFarleyy · 21/08/2015 21:38

After 9 months of mat leave I returned to work and it was really, really difficult leave my DD but with DP out of work there was really no other choice for me. When I told my manager I would be returning full time she was really shocked. She kept asking if I was sure I wanted to be full time and am I sure I don't want to be part time. People at work also make comments such as "oh you must not see DD much at all working 9-5" "If I had a baby I would never leave it with someone else all day" "What's the point in having a baby when your never going to see it"

AIB over sensitive?

OP posts:

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ImperialBlether · 21/08/2015 21:40

They are very rude. It's a wonder you're not in tears. I think you have to be really sharp and say, "Please don't talk like that" and walk off.

It will get easier. I hope your partner finds work soon - it's difficult, isn't it?

Andrewofgg · 21/08/2015 21:41

No, she is being impertinent and foolish. Don't let it get to you. There are a lot of prats around and many of them are in management.

GoooRooo · 21/08/2015 21:44

EVERYONE has an opinion when it comes to other people's childcare. I went back to work after 3 months mat leave and had so many people make the 'what's the point of having children if you're going to leave them with someone else' type comments. Sadly, those people weren't happy to pay my mortgage for me so sod what they think.

You are doing what is best for your family and they are being horribly rude. for you.

oneowlgirl · 21/08/2015 21:48

I have 3 DC & work full time in a very senior responsible position & used to get these comments all the time (especially as I also work long hours) although my youngest is 4, so have been back at work a while so only new people I meet comment.

It's so rude & hurtful & no one says a word to my DH, even though he works full time too, so it gives me the rage.

That said, over time I've got used to it now & let it wash over me for the most part. Best thing you can do is IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/08/2015 21:48

But the baby is with your DP?

CharleyFarleyy · 21/08/2015 21:49

Thanks, I was wondering if it was just me because I can be quite over sensitive and emotional when it comes it comes to DD.

I'm pretty much the only person at my work with a child, people there are very much the 'work is my life' kind of people.

OP posts:

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 21/08/2015 21:51

Ive had similar comments as i can only really afford six months off. I just feel like saying are you offering to pay for me to stay off until the baby is one then come back 15 hours a week? Some people just have no insight

iAmNicolaMurray · 21/08/2015 21:52

They are being ridiculous and rude and I bet if your dp was the one in work full time, nobody would question it.

GoooRooo · 21/08/2015 21:57

I bet if your dp was the one in work full time, nobody would question it.

Absolutely this.

CharleyFarleyy · 21/08/2015 22:02

People wouldn't question DP if he was the one at work but he gets funny looks when he tells people he stays home with DD and I work. My BIL also thinks it's appropriate to "joke" that he has to ask me for spends and ask me what it's like being the man of the house

OP posts:

3rdSymphony · 21/08/2015 22:10

You sound as if you're surrounded by people who've time-travelled from a particularly reactionary bit of the 50s. Challenge, challenge, challenge.

It's funny (and appalling) what different experiences people have. I don't have a single female friend with children who doesn't work full-time, and have two friends who are stay at home fathers, without anyone appearing to keel over with shock.

Lweji · 21/08/2015 22:14

They are all idiots.

You and your oh have to be firm and assertive about how your choice and make them feel unreasonable.
In a sort of did you mean to be so rude kind of way.
Keep asking them why they think what they are saying.

I returned to ft work when ds was 4 months.

CharleyFarleyy · 21/08/2015 22:17

It's worse because I do want to be home with DD and that's the plan when DP finds work but it's taking longer than expected (he's just qualified as an art teacher and it's slim pickings)

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 21/08/2015 22:22

Ignore, your workmates are insensitive and it's none of their business. A senior bloke at my (engineering and very male dominated) company told me I was "cruel" for coming back to work when DD was 6mo. Made me feel terrible, with the benefit of hindsight (and a fantastic relationship with 3yo DD) realise that he's an ignorant twat. Of course you're sensitive, it's your DD and you've never done this before, don't beat yourself up.

Your BIL sounds like a sexist dick btw.

HazleNutt · 21/08/2015 22:33

I went back full time when DC1 was just 3,5 months old (and will do the same with DC2). If anybody started with similar stupid comments, I just told them I haven't won lottery yet, to pay the mortgage. If the person was male, I asked how many months they themselves stayed at home and why did they have kids if they didn't want to spend time with them.

MsVestibule · 21/08/2015 23:01

Of course YANBU to allow these comments to upset you. I went back to work FT when DD was 13 months and had those ridiculous, sexist comments. After DS was born, I (reluctantly) became a SAHM and got all of the 'you're so lucky' 'life of Riley' and 'kept woman' comments. Which pissed me off just as much, if not more so.

You're doing what's best for your family at this particular moment. Your relationship with your lovely baby will not suffer and your DD is (presumably?) being well looked after by her father. At some point, your DP will get a job and you'll all find a work/life balance that suits you a bit better.

WLmum · 21/08/2015 23:39

Agree with all these comments. People always have an opinion on childcare etc. whatever you do. You have to do what's right for you. As others have said, no one ever says to DH 'who has the dds when you're at work?' But it's almost an opener for me.

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