Sex in Class

[Lavenderice]

"83% of British kids have seen porn by the time they are 13!"

[RunAwayHome]

I was surprised that they didn't know where anything was, considering that it sounded like most of them were sexually active. How did they manage it?! Not to mention things like tampons etc., if they'd no clue what was where.

[Queeltie]

I was shocked at how many of the girls didn't know where their clitoris was. These are 15 and 16 year old girls.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

The dutch teacher was fab! Why doesn't the Uk follow their lead??

It has long been known that the
more kids know about sex the less likely they are to experiment ... There is an inverse relationship. Holland and Belgium has later first intercourse, anf lower teenage pregnancy.

The teenage boys' attitudes made my flesh creep...

'If she can give me consent to shag her I'm sure I can come on her face'

[Etak15]

I had to laugh at sex in class when the teenage boys and there mum were having a discussion about different terms used for sexual acts and the boys seemed to thing that there mum wouldn't know about all the different things because they just did the basics In those days ha ha like he thinks as a 15 yr old he knows all about it, but sex wasn't invented when his mum was young!!

[milliemanzi]

I wonder how much of what the boys said they actually believed..surely they can look at themselves and their fellow female students and figure out that porn is a massively constructed thing that is unlikely to be reflective of the real experience?! Maybe I'm naive!

When I grew up you got an idea of what sex was like from catching rude bits from films you probably shouldn't be watching, or TV, I remember watching queer as folk when I was 15 and being like . It was probably a much healthier way to learn about sex than watching men constantly jizz in people's faces.

[Impala77]

I didn't see the show but being a mum to a 3 year old little girl I'm feeling more worried for her than I was already!
How do I instill in her respect for her body and that no means no.
It's always been that young girls do things to impress boys but these days it's so scary to think what boys "expect" girls/women to do!!

[BertrandRussell]

I presume skanky's son's school did talk to social services. Well,no hope so anyway. But they did tell her utter rubbish, so I can't say I have much faith in them.

[sashh]

I don't see why this can't be taught in all schools.

Cos, you know, then we might have to acknowledge teenagers are sexual beings.

Or worse, talk about sex. So unbritish.

[Radiatorvalves]

The (excellent) woman who coordinates SRE in our borough told me a depressing story about a discussion with Year 6 boys. They said that the first thing you do (before having sex) is to get the girl drunk.

I'm going to try and find the program on catch up. I have 2 boys and would hate to think if them having attitudes like that.

[BertrandRussell]

Stanky- it doesn't sound to me as if the school handled it well al all.

[mathanxiety]

[Orangeanddemons]

I'm a teacher. I sat in on a PHSE lesson to do with porn. It was pretty amazing tbh. It covered anal, ejaculating on face, shaving etc. both boys and girls seemed to understand the difference between porn and real life

[cariadlet]

I think the expectation that women are going to be hairless has definitely arisen due to the internet and ready availability of porn. I've been with dp for a very long time, but I had several different partners way back in the 80s and early 90s. Not one ever assumed that I would shave.

[cariadlet]

I watched the rest of the programme last night and was so pleased with the turn around in attitudes of both staff and students. It was brilliant to see that the girls - who had hardly spoken in the initial lessons - were so confident and assertive in the paired activities.

On the whole, the boys seemed to have changed their attitudes as well. It was interesting though, that once the cockiness of the initial lessons were gone, they were quite bumbling and awkward. It's going to take a while before they can express their new attitudes and beliefs as confidently as they could the articulate their first ones.

[Stanky]

I saw the programme last night, and I thought that the sex ed teacher was brilliant. I do wonder what things I should be talking to 7yo ds about? He knows that boys and girls are different, and has an idea of where babies come from. It sounds as though the best thing we could teach our sons is to respect other people's bodies and free will.

Ds had a little gf at school, and I did have a word with the child protection teacher at school about it. The little girl liked to kiss ds, sit on his lap and wrap her legs around him. When he told me this, I told him that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. He said "But then she won't like me anymore." The school were brilliant, and kept an eye on them at play time. They reminded them of appropriate behaviour at school, and stopped her from taking him into the girl's toilets by the hand. I was glad when she wasn't his gf any more, as she was "too bossy and told lies". But the school told me that he could potentially get into a lot more trouble than her, as he is the boy in the situation. Even though she was definitely calling the shots. I didn't think that I'd have to worry about things like this in year 2, but I'm glad that ds could talk to me about it, and the school dealt with it so well.

I did start a thread on here about it, as I was very worried. One nice mnetter gave me the advice to talk to the child protection at school about it, so that was great. But then someone said they'd report the thread, because they thought I might be a pervert on the Internet.

[dansmum]

I just reminded my son that people in movies dont look or act like people in real life, and porn is not the same as consensual sex in a positive relationship. He's 12. He understands that. I understand he has hormones and a smart phone. My guideline was..dont watch anything you know hurts on of the participants and dont expect real girls to act like a porn star until you can perform like a porn star. These are nor casual discussions we have. He wants answers. If I'm not honest with him hecwill only believe the rubbish his peers tell him !

[CrapBag]

I thought this was a brilliant programme and loved the Dutch woman. I agree the teachers were terrible. One in particular looked so po faced even when some of the others were coming around to it.

That boy with his jizzing on the face obsession, well it's a sad insight into the mind of teenage boy!

This needs to be taught because the whole consent thing seems to be very blurred in the minds of these teenagers. The comments about how if they had consent for sex then they had consent to come on their face or in their mouth because it's about respect! I mean wtf.

I definitely plan to be open with mine. DS is only 7 but he knows how a baby is made (doesn't know it's called sex though). After a conversation with the mums from school, he is the only one who knows. They all seemed shocked I told him but he was questioning me on why our pets had to be 2 males or 2 females and the whole baby thing came from there. I thought at his age it was best he hears it now from me as it won't be long before he hears a more garbled version in the playground. He just shrugged and said ok. Didn't phase him at all and this is what I want. I was brought up in such a repressed house, I don't want mine to be the same. I want them to ask me anything.

[milliemanzi]

"She should swallow out of respect", god it was just so horrifying, 2015 and teenage boys are saying that.

[M2MStamford]

I loved the programme. I thought the Dutch lady was fab. The British teachers they showed were ridiculous - they teach sexEd but squirm at the word clitoris and as for Vulva! One lady looked like she would burst with the shock.
But I've got to say maybe we are all part fo the problem. Lots of here are wondering if they should get books or talk more openly with their kids????
Unless you want your kids to be like the ones on the show Definitely talk about sex. All the kids on that programme have parents even the boys - perhaps if there parents were being a bit more open they might not be so clueless. And how do you think you empower girls to speak up for themselves - parents need to teach and show them how to do it.
Should more explicit/realistic sex ed be on the curriculum?
How many of you regularly use the information you were taught at school?.How many of us have sex regularly?
So of yes course it should.

[LokiBear]

Thanks cariadlet. I will be honest, I'm really proud of it. I teach it to Year 10, so 14/15 year old's. At your DD's age, it is more important to promote self worth and positive self image than anything else. My dd is 4 and the thought of her teenage years terrifies me. I really hope I can practice what I preach.

[bigbumtheory]

I saw porn at 13, no internet at all. It was my best friends brother leaving his wank bank in the VCR. We found it, turned it on and were disgusted and intrigued all at once...

[cariadlet]

I've only watched a bit of the programme so far. Thought the boys' attitude was awful, felt sad that the girls weren't able to speak up and absolutely loved the teacher delivering the course.

dd was absolutely desperate to watch this programme, but is only 12(almost 13) so we compromised. I recorded it, we started watching it together but I had my hand on the stop button on the remote control. I only lasted until the boy started reading out his group's porn scenario. I thought I was a fairly open mum. but that was getting too explicit. Maybe in a couple of years.

The statistic in the op was depressing. I was relieved when dd turned round and said "I haven't. I don't know what it is." I hate the thought of her being shown porn or of the boys that she goes to school with developing the attitudes that the boys in the film had.

LokiBear, the course that you are delivering sounds brilliant. I hope that dd's school do something similar - but not just yet!

[PerspicaciaTick]

I agree with the pp who mentioned possibly watching this programme with their young teens - it could be a really good way of prompting some discussion without getting too personal.

Here's the link (just in case) www.channel4.com/programmes/sex-in-class