Not to share my children's belongings?

[PodClock]

We live in a flat in a small block. It has a room for bikes and things that everyone in the block can share.

My DC got a bike for their 4th birthday a couple of months ago.

Yesterday evening, after DC were in bed, I looked out and saw our neighbour's son riding the bike around the car park with his older brothers, crashing it and things. I heard the crashing and the squeaking of the brake, that's why I looked out. The whole family were out there, and weren't stopping him, or telling him to be careful.

So DH went out, and asked (very politely) that they put the bike back in the bike shed, and then he locked the door.

There was loads of screaming and shouting for ages. I felt a bit bad, the boy is only about 4 or 5. I'm more annoyed with his parents for letting him take what was obviously a brand new bike that wasn't his, and ride it like that where it might get damaged.

I saw one of the neighbours this morning, and she seemed a bit off with me. We were right to step in though, weren't we? The little boy was really, really upset, but I know that if we hadn't nipped it in the bud, he'd be using it all the time. But on the other hand, I do feel a bit mean taking it off the boy.

[PodClock]

CakeLady I hadn't even thought of that! I suppose the lock will help with that too. If they are all playing outside together (unlikely to happen much as I don't really like my DC playing unsupervised where there are cars, so we tend to just go to the park instead) and he asks to have a go, fair enough, I suppose. My child's decision whether they want to share. But I won't let it out of the bike room otherwise.

The parents are clearly a bit lax, but they have always been very friendly (apart from one surreal incident when they tried to sell us something we didn't want, and were extremely persistent about it), and I don't want there to be more awkwardness.

[bigbumtheory]

The parents are being weak and ineffectual, when their son grows to a badly behaved adult they will likely be bemoaning how he became that way but here we have the answer.

A child of four or five shouldn't be allowed to steal other childrens things for his own use, nor should he be allowed to knock on flats and run away. Poor parenting which is probably why they glared because in effect by not pandering to them and letting their son do as he wanted- as they would- you pointed out it.

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

Gett a D lock - almost impossible to cut through. And YANBU!

[CakeLady1]

As much as the child might squak about it, you may have helped to teach him that you can't just go helping yourself to things without asking: shame tha parents didn't do this first though!
But what you must decide with DH now is what either of you say if and when they do ask to borrow it...

[PLUtoPlanet]

That's a relief! Hopefully, it will be a one-off.

[PodClock]

I've taken quite a few pictures actually. And we still have the reciept and the warranty.
I can't see any obvious damage from yesterday, so that's good.

[PLUtoPlanet]

Yes, get a lock, but also start taking pictures of DS riding it, so you have dated evidence of its condition, just in case the family strops because they can't "borrow" it...

[Nurserywindow]

The parents were really rude and ignorant to do something like that. You were definitely not being unreasonable. Even if their little boy had been playing with it nicely, he still shouldn't have been using it without your permission. Just because the shed is shared, it doesn't mean they can just help themselves to anything they like.
Don't let them guilt trip you into feeling bad.

[PodClock]

Yes, DH said he could imagine them cutting through a lock . We are definitely going to get one though. Don't really have space to keep the bike in the house, unfortunately.

I naively thought a young child's bike would be safe in a locked room anyway, lol. Lesson learned. We have scooters in there too, think I might chain them all together.

Anyway, glad other people think it was right to take it straight back - I'm not that keen on the boy (he keeps ringing the doorbell on all the flats while we are eating dinner, and running away) and so when I saw it was him I was immediately really annoyed, then worried (when I heard all the screaming and crying)that maybe I was being overly harsh.

.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Some people have no concept of boundaries, and don't therefore teach their children about them. I think the problem is getting worse with social media - people post anything they like, without thinking how it comes across to others or affects others. And they post about such private things. There is no opportunity to read a person's body language/tone of voice and moderate what you say in the next part of the "conversation".

Even the concept of "ownership" - look how much gets shared and spread across Facebook etc by other people.

And people are used now to getting things instantly, over the Internet - an answer to a question, a shopping order etc. No concept of waiting. It all ends up with some kids (and their parents) thinking "I want to use that thing. I CAN use that thing because it's there. So I will."

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu it's was rude and unacceptable of them. The entitlement of some.

[somemothersdohavethem]

YANBU. Get your DC to take their belongings out and see how they like it.

[BarbarianMum]

YANBU If your ds had left a ball in the garden and another child was kicking it, that would be one thing. But they helped themselves to his bike and then treated it badly! Do you think they'd have owned up if it got damaged?

[RachelRagged]

The cheek of some .

YANBU at all ... They are.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

how bloody rude. definitely chain the bike up. I'd be tempted to keep it in the flat now tbh

[SophiePendragon]

I think if I could and had space to, I'd put it in the house. People like that clearly are liable to take stuff and perhaps will do so even if it is locked - they might even cut through the lock.

How soon can you move??!

[Misslgl88]

YANBU

There are 2 little boys actually come in my garden and take DD scooter etc even when she isn't here! I've taken to going out and taking it back as soon as I see it happen as they batter it off the pavements etc. this is my private garden with a gate they are entering!

[KinkyAfro]

Lock the bikes together OP, that's the only solution

[Booboostoo]

The parents were very rude not to intervene and put the bike back.

On the other hand we go to a public playground by two houses. One of the houses has children and they leave all of their toys in the playground all of the time. It is very difficult to get the DCs not to touch them and makes the whole experience of going to this playground annoying.

[Graciescotland]

I love the idea of a communal toy shed hardtoknow. We once lived near a park that had diggers and dumper trucks donated by the locals in the sandpit.

[Hardtoknow]

My misunderstanding. When (pre-DC) I lived in a block of flats, there was a shed with communal toys which seemed like a great idea to me & people would add toys to it from time to time.

[Goshthatsspicy]

On a recent thread here, my opinion was that we must reach our children to share food.
This, (on the other hand) is totally unacceptable.
It isn't fair to have your personal items abused. YANBU.
Tough situation when kids are involved though. :)

[SaucyJack]

YANBU.

Don't worry about his mum tho. Some people get embarrassed which comes out as over-defensiveness when others have cause to tell their child off.

Or else she's just an entitled biatch.

[nocabbageinmyeye]

YANBU op as you said if you didn't do it now it would have gone on, get a chain just to avoid it in the future. They were very cheeky imo

[nocabbageinmyeye]

I'm confused. You say there is a room "for bikes & things that everyone can share", it sounds as though you are keeping the bike in there and yet don't want shared. I think you need to keep it somewhere else if you want to avoid this happening again.

Clearly the shed is for residents to share not the contents are there to share