People you cant get hold of.

[QuintShhhhhh]

My husband is one of them. His phone is frequently off or on silent, or because we are with O2 our connectivity is dreadful. He has a smart phone, but he is on no social media, so cant send a snap, or instant message over wifi/3G. He does not check his email on the phone during the day.
I guess I could always phone the receptionist at his office, but I would not do that unless there is an emergency.

And my friend. She keeps forgetting her phone at home, so she does not reply to texts or she does not pick up her phone. Then I get a message saying "sorry forgot my phone at home", so I try to call, and nobody is picking up - most likely on silent and not vibrating.

I am trying to arrange an outing with her, but it is impossible to get hold of her! Same problem when we were arranging our dc joint party recently, just could not get through to her.

What is it with people? How can you just disappear and go NonCommunicado in the middle of discussing what to do?

[muminhants1]

I'm on the fence about this one as well. Mainly because whenever I need to contact my husband his phone is switched off or the battery has run out.

I can generally send him an email at work, which I do, or if it's really important I can phone him at work.

I'd generally want to contact him when he's on his way home from work to tell him I can't collect him from the station or that I'll be late. But in that instance he'd probably switch it on eventually if I didn't turn up.

The one annoying time was when we were on holiday in May. My son and I had gone to the local pool with flumes and had planned to meet my husband again at 11.45. Flumes were supposed to open at 10. But they didn't open until 11 so giving us only about 30 minutes before we had to get out and meet him. We tried to call him several times and even had a wander around the town looking for him to say we wanted to meet later, but in the end we had to settle for 30 minutes on the flumes. That was annoying.

I email and text, I very rarely phone anyone other than my parents. And I use computer conferencing to have calls with work colleagues.

I really dislike traders who don't have email addresses. I don't want to phone you. You won't be there. And then when you call me back, I won't be there. Just let me email you and then you can email me back when it's convenient, and if we need to speak we can arrange a time. I hate phone tag.

[firesidechat]

I'm probably one of these "people" you are talking about op. I'm not surgically attached to my phone and it can stay in my bag for hours at a time without me feeling the need to check it.

I'm also old and remember a time before mobile phones and email. A phone is a tool for me to use and it doesn't get to dictate to me how I use it. And with all due respect neither do you op.

[cailindana]

I think it's fine not to be contactable, but then do not complain if you're left out of things or if friendships fizzle out. I met a lovely woman years ago who said she struggled to make friends (she's an immigrant, like me). I really tried to be friends with her but she was so hard to contact I gave up. I see her now and again at the school where our kids are in different classes. She said again recently how she feels lonely. I struggle to have sympathy tbh. I really tried to make her part of the group of friends I've made but you can't build a friendship with someone if you have no way of contacting them. Short of turning up on her doorstep everytime a night out was arranged I have no idea how I could have done it.
I absolutely love an impromptu call from a friend.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

I would usually finish making arrangements that were started, unless it got late and I fell asleep. Or a dc got hurt. But the last text would be " sorry, feeling sleepy/unwell. Please finish this tomorrow. Or I think ds has hurt his leg, off to a&e. please either sort it, or wait until later. Or battery dying. Give me an hour.
Simple explanation and rough time is basic manners.

[Trills]

If you live somewhere that has crap connectivity, get a phone on a different network.

Otherwise I would guess that "bad connectivity" is an excuse for "don't want to be contacted".

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

I am guilty of not answering my phone.
I own a mobile.
If I want to speak to you, then I will have your number saved. With your name.
If you ring me, with your number showing, I will probably answer. If not (driving/asleep...) then I can ring you back later.
I refuse to answer a withheld number.
I got declined for a sainsburys credit card the other day, as I don't own a landline. As I am on baby leave, I couldn't give them my work number either.
So, if you keep getting hassled by pushy credit card sales people, tell them their computer won't accept you, as you gave up your land line several years ago...

[CrystalHaze]

I would phone back when I had time. If someone was repeatedly non contactable and didn't phone back I'd think of it as a hint. Otherwise, I'd just think that something more urgent came up.

Me too

From your last post, OP, this seems like more than an issue with your friend being difficult to get hold of. It sounds like she's taking the piss and taking you for a mug. What's that thing people say on here about relationships: when people show you who they are, take notice (or something along those lines).

(Unless you're overloading her with texts/calls about trivial aspects of the arrangements - my MIL once sent 19 texts in relation to arranging meeting me and DC at the swimming pool. NINETEEN! And yes, I did just go incommunicado halfway through. And yet she kept texting ... )

[Mrsjayy]

My friend she loses her phone about a million times a week she does reply eventually dh he is usually busy so hardly ever text or phone at work and his own mobile is always switched off

[MsMcWoodle]

I would phone back when I had time. If someone was repeatedly non contactable and didn't phone back I'd think of it as a hint. Otherwise, I'd just think that something more urgent came up.

[QuintShhhhhh]

So, if the other person was in the middle of finalizing the arrangements for your childrens joint birthday party, and you were in the middle of making a summary together of what was needed to confirm to the venue, you would just suddenly stop communicating because you got busy, and the other person is left hanging unable to make the booking?

Would it inconvenience you if the other person just thought "fuck this, I will do it on my own, and not do a joint party, she can sort her own details out, if she is impossible to get hold of", or would you think "Oh bummer, now I have to do all this on my own rather than share the load"

Because I am struggling to see how you can just SUDDENLY become so busy that you cant communicate for the rest of the day, if you are supposed to be doing something together.

I guess the lesson to learn is to NOT do a joint party next year.

And to NOT have the kid over after all when it is impossible to get information about pick up, drop off, etc.

[DrEdwardNigma]

I am one of these people.

I hate my phone being on loud, so have it on silent most of the time. The only time its on loud is if I know I'm expecting a call from someone.

[MsMcWoodle]

Yup. I'd expect people to understand that I suddenly became busy or something.
My husband and I have a code word for anything important.

[QuintShhhhhh]

Those of you who dont want to be disturbed, turn your phone on silent, dont respond to texts, or leave your phone behind, do you also do this if you are half way through making arrangements with somebody? Do you just send a text without a response to the original query, or abandon a text conversation, simply saying "sorry I was inaccessible" a few hours later then continue to be so?

And I am the one who is rude and demanding?

[Moomintroll85]

My phone is always on silent unless I'm expecting an important call. I check it and emails when I feel the need. I hate it when people ring up just for a chat, I've got better things to do like sit on my arse watching boxsets

It's rude to not have your phone on? Bollocks to that, if people think I'm rude that's fine, I'd sooner they think that than I have them in my ear mithering me about all kinds of crap.

Yabu, a bit, though since you're trying to make arrangements with people I appreciate that that would be annoying. Maybe write them a letter?

[badg3r]

I thought I was alone in not wanting to be accessible 24/7! Sorry OP but it does my head in when people disturb me at work with personal things, or get annoyed if I take a day or two to reply. I also hate how people will send dozens of messages to organise someone when a five minute conversation in the phone could achieve the same thing. Different people use tech differently.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

DH will not have a mobile as he doesn't see why he should be at anyone's beck and call (I might add he worked in journalism and communications..) I could ring his direct number or his secretary if I needed him while he was at work -rare..Ditto he could get hold of me .
My mobile lived in my handbag in my desk drawer .I would check it and personal Emails only at lunchtime (I've noticed DD1 sometimes emails or FB in her lunch hour at work)
It annoys the hell out of me if I am with someone and they are constantly checking their phones .People managed to keep in touch perfectly well before (I was 35 before my parents even had a landline)

[QuintShhhhhh]

My friend who I cant get hold of (in relation to having her kid over ) has told me to not email her, but to communicate via text or phone.

So then, I find it annoying to not be able to get hold of her.

Equally so, if we are arranging a joint birthday party, and I cant get hold of her in relation to booking the venue, ordering cake etc.

[Ragwort]

Lots of us are just not allowed to have mobile phones at work, in my place of work it is a rule that mobile phones have to be locked away and only looked at during your non-existant break. Odd that we were then requested to take photos of something at work and send them to our manager - as we are all such technophobes none of us could do it anyway.

I wouldn't dream of contacting my DH, or anyone else, whilst they were at work - unless an absolute emergency. I hate the idea that we should be contactable at all times.

[Redglitter]

My niece finds it incredible to think that when I was her age you had to know where someone was before you could call them

I have my phone on my desk at work. our bosses don't mind us messaging etc so long as it's not interfering with work. everyone's phone is on silent. Personally I just don't answer it at work. If my family need me in an emergency they have my work tel no. If someone wants to call me they usually text and say can I call or can they call me. Almost noone I know just 'cold calls'

if I don't recognise the callers number I never answer then I check on Google who phoned and ifs some ppi crap they get added to my block list

My phones for my convenience not everyone else's

[Stealthpolarbear]

Anon ime most desk jobs allow you to do some phone checking etc and it's not a problem.my boss doesn't have a clue how much or little time I spend faffing at work.

[Stealthpolarbear]

" Tuskerfull

It's rude to not have your phone on and checked at intervals if you have one.

No, it isn't."
I think this is the fundamental issue and people are in one camp or another. I don't think it's rude. If my phone is out of battery or on silent it only bothers me if I need to use it.
I suppose what has changed is that we now do rely on mobiles etc. So eg my mum used to give people her work number in case they needed to call her urgently. She probably wouldn't bother now.

[Anon4Now2015]

Does everyone else have jobs where it's OK to check their phones? Often (though it depends on exactly what I was doing) if I was texting at work I'd be in whole heaps of trouble. If it's an emergency people know how to get hold of me by phoning my work number and getting someone to go and get me. If it's not an emergency then I expect people to wait until I get out of work.

[BestZebbie]

How are the examples on the OP 'uncontactable' - they just don't have mobile phone contact for (part of) the day. And in an emergency, you can in fact contact them - if you feel awkward ringing a work landline it kind of implies that the person you want to speak to on their mobile is at work and shouldn't be taking personal calls on any device!

What about email?

(Speaking as someone who will check email every couple of hours, has several other messaging programmes live, is 2m away from a landline phone and only finds and charges her mobile if going on a long car journey that might need the AA)

[IAmAShitHotLawyer]

"It's rude to not have your phone on and checked at intervals if you have one."

No its not - my phone is for my benefit, not for anyone else's.

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I agree OP, so frustrating!! I don't mind if someone doesn't respond instantly but just something would be nice. At least then you know you haven't text the wrong number