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AIBU?

To be angry at DH

36 replies

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:18

Today is my DH'S first father's day as we have a 2 month old DS. I made him a card, bought him a photo mug and his favourite chocolates. Had planned on bringing him coffee in his new mug with croissants in bed with the card.

Last night he went out for drinks and got back at 3am drunk. He does nights (I take a medication that makes me too drowsy) and didn't let me know he'd be so late, and anyway, he was too drunk so sensibly went straight to spare room. This means I haven't slept.

He's still in bed except waking up to vomit. I've offered coffee but he doesn't want to eat or drink. I was going to make a roast too but now he doesn't want it.

He doesn't go out loads but when he does he gets wasted. I guess I expected him to calm down now we have a baby and because today was Father's Day.

AIBU for being upset? He's otherwise a wonderful dad and does deserve to cut loose but I feel like the say is ruined.

OP posts:

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diddl · 21/06/2015 14:48

"That's my fault a bit in wanting to make sure he gets a break I've gone a bit overboard."

Of course it's not your fault.

It's entirely possible for an adult to go out & come home at a reasonable time & not pissed!

googoodolly · 21/06/2015 14:14

Glad he's up at last Morg and the fact that he feels upset is probably a good thing. Maybe it's time for him to cut down on the nights out and give YOU some time off. You don't say if you're BF but if not, you could go out on a Saturday night with your friends or even out on your own for some peace. He certainly owes you some time to yourself, anyway!

Hope things improve

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/06/2015 14:04

drinking til that state is ridiculous anyway. not the kind of behaviour you expect from someone who has a family. If he'd wanted a night out and knows you need medication to sleep then why didn't he arrange for a baby sitter for the night. expecting you to pick up the slack of a useless hungover mess on top of not having slept as you couldn't tale your medication is highly selfish and inconsiderate tbh.

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 14:01

Selfish with drinking I mean. The every other week thing isn't what would have normally happened I think, there's been a rush of important birthdays I've sent him off to. That's my fault a bit in wanting to make sure he gets a break I've gone a bit overboard. Anyway he's up so we'll have more of a chat about the drinking and will get on with our day. Thank you for your replies :)

OP posts:

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:58

He's up, extremely contrite and quite upset and said he has been selfish. He's bought the baby upstairs for a cuddle and I'm going to make coffee and croissant.

OP posts:

googoodolly · 21/06/2015 13:53

X-post

pandarific · 21/06/2015 13:51

I've just read OPs later comments, and I retract the above - he did know about the plans, and he has been drinking a lot regularly. YANBU to be annoyed.

googoodolly · 21/06/2015 13:51

pandarific OP has said this has happened four times since baby was born, and baby is only two months old - that's every other weekend. That's not someone who doesn't drink much in general, that's someone who binge drinks and doesn't know when to stop.

pandarific · 21/06/2015 13:49

'selfish prick'? Really?

The OP is the one who is making a fuss over fathers day - it's meant to be from children to their parent, and her baby is too young to understand what the deal is. YABU to be cross at him for ruining plans that - presumably - he didn't know about.

Also, posters saying he's U for being hungover are being U. Hangovers happen, especially when you don't drink that much in general. Leave him alone, poor guy.

googoodolly · 21/06/2015 13:49

I think his drinking is more of a concern here than Father's Day, tbh. I wouldn't be happy if DP went out every other week and got so smashed he ruined the entire weekend with his hangover and vomiting. That's shitty, selfish behaviour from a grown adult who has a small baby and a wife on medication at home.

Going out drinking and coming home at 3am is fine so long as you can get up and manage the next day - not when you're so smashed you can't even get out of bed and all you do is throw up for the next 11+ hours.

I'm sorry but I find this kind of behaviour really unattractive in a grown adult. He's not a teenager anymore. He's an adult with responsibilities and a child at home. Once in a blue moon, okay, it happens to the best of us, but do you really want every other weekend ruined because of this?

iggymama · 21/06/2015 13:47

Sorry, cross posted.

iggymama · 21/06/2015 13:46

I would be less annoyed at missing his first father's day than the fact that you have to deal with your young baby while groggy due to medication. Or are you having to miss your meds on the nights he goes out?

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:46

No, he's the SAHP, I'm the one going back to work.

OP posts:

elderflowerlemonade · 21/06/2015 13:44

I think it sounds very difficult fo everybody to be honest Morg.

Is DH working?

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:43

I can't sleep without the medication, at all. So I didn't sleep.

Having a nice day anyway, baby is shouting at the dog :)

OP posts:

elderflowerlemonade · 21/06/2015 13:42

I'm assuming because of the baby, but I am puzzled too.

CrystalHaze · 21/06/2015 13:41

Why have you not slept, if he was in the spare room? Did I miss something there?

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:39

It's more than I think it would normally be if not for some important being close together. I encourage him to go, I want him to be able to have a break so I should have expected this. No, but I'm going to.

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 21/06/2015 13:38

That's a bit harsh Britnay.

OP had planed a lovely day with her small family and her DH has ruined it by his thoughtless behaviour. It doesn't matter what the day was in honour of.

Most parents buy the cards and presents from the children for these occasions anyway, even when they're old enough to understand.

Does sound slightly ott to get so pissed that the only thing he's capable of getting out of bed for is to vomit.

He's not a teenager, I'm guessing, and he has a child. I agree Morg it's time he calmed down a bit and grew up.

I would also be annoyed if he knew I had planned a lovely family day and he got so wasted he was incapable of functioning the next day.

If he can't control his drinking perhaps he needs to choose his evenings out a little more carefully so they don't clash with your arrangements.

diddl · 21/06/2015 13:36

But if OP is too drowsy to look after their son after medication, then the father can't have a night off, can he?

Not to the point of coming in pissed at 3am?

NRomanoff · 21/06/2015 13:35

So every other week? I wouldn't call that occasionally.

Have you spoken about the drinking before?

MorgWorg · 21/06/2015 13:32

He's been out 4 times. I think IBU really, because he's a fantastic dad. But I also think we need a word about his drinking on nights out.

OP posts:

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NRomanoff · 21/06/2015 13:31

Does he go put a lot? Your op says he doesn't, but you then mentioned 'everytime since the baby was born' which suggests he does do it a lot.

Penfold007 · 21/06/2015 13:31

MorgWorg are you saying your DH does all the night feeds because of your medical needs?

He wanted one night off which seems fair.

Did you skip your medication and do the night feeds.

NRomanoff · 21/06/2015 13:30

Yabu, it's Father's Day. It's not ruined because your plans aren't working out.

The drinking to the point he is in bed at 1.20 (assuming you are in the uk) then I understand you being annoyed at that.

But then if he always does this when he goes out you must have expected it.

If he is a great dad and husbandosy of the time, I would be fine with him getting drunk, if it's very occasionally. No one is perfect.

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