AIBU to maintain CM payments?

[ToastMama]

I'll try to be brief!

Ex has asked (very nicely) if he might be able to reduce CM payments on the basis that he's struggling financially (due to getting married this summer and large debts). I'm now re-married, with a new baby and a big-ish house.... so in his eyes, I don't need the money like I used to. His request is on the basis that it no longer seems fair that he should have to contribute as much as he does, when it's clear that we don't need it.

Back story - I loved him very much, but he simply wasn't ready for family life. He treated me rather badly (including some DV), all quite publicly, and I ended up walking away with our 2yr old. I'm proud of myself for handling the split with dignity and treating him kindly. He works in a "fun" industry where drug use is common, and he'd spiralled into a pretty bad state to escape from family life/responsibilities - but I did try to help, and always made contact with our DS easy and stress free.

Our DS is now 6, and I'm remarried to a wonderful man who adores his SS and treats him as his own. The ex is getting married this summer to a lovely woman who also adores DS. The four of us are all friendly and DS has never experienced any negativity regarding visits etc.

I want to accommodate his request out of kindness and to keep things friendly, but we're not THAT well off. My DH puts a big chunk of his salary into the mortgage, and our utilities are high. We don't drive a fancy car, and we don't go on posh holidays, but we do have a naice house that makes it look like we're doing pretty well.

He pays the amount that the CM online calculator suggests, but doesn't contribute to anything on top of that and has never taken DS on holiday etc.

Desperate not to be seen as grabby/entitled, but don't want to be taken advantage of. AIBU to maintain payments even though we don't "need" them?

[ArcheryAnnie]

He's not paying for your stuff, he's paying for a share of your son's upbringing. Don't let him guilt you into reducing the payments.

If he can't afford a big wedding, that's his problem - but it isn't his six year old's responsibility to top up his wedding budget.

[Hissy]

they are ALL spookily the same, so no, I don't 'know you', but I KNOW him alright....

:)

I agree with pps, short and sharp sweet "No, we'll continue with the existing arrangement. It's DS money"

I agree that you should stick to a calculated amount, otherwise that wriggly bastard will weedle out of what he is responsible for.

ATM he is trying to look all conciliatory, to look reasonable to the poor unsupecting victim woman he is about to trap into years of misery and erode her little by little marry but the emotional blackmail betrays him. I know what he's trying to as clear as if he were saying it to my face.

[Hissy]

In fact I would go back to him and detail exactly what it ACTUALLY costs for your son to be raised - including uniform and flaming school shoes/trainers/footy/rugby/godhelpme boots.

Your DS is 6, they are relatively cheap at that age... he needs to contribute MORE, not less.

ATM he thinks he is doing his bit. he's not.
in fact he is trying to be slippery and erode his responsibility, perhaps as a retaliation/resentment against you perhaps.