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AIBU?

To think that people are often very taken in by people who think they're better than others?

45 replies

dibbydooo · 08/02/2015 00:17

I work with a woman who is very confident and loud, and who is always telling everyone else how good she is at her job and how brilliant she is. Part of my job is to produce a weekly performance analysis document for our boss (sales-based workplace), and actually this woman performs no better than anyone else. Yet the vast majority of staff put her on a pedestal as being the person they'd like to be like work performance-wise. There's lots of chatter about how good she is at her job, and she does tend to be very much a queen bee of the office. On Friday at work her chair broke and some other staff members were virtually falling over themselves to offer her their chairs and therefore be chair-less themselves.

It got me thinking too about a mum who I used to know when DD was a baby and young child via a toddler group. Like my colleague, this woman constantly told everyone how great she was. She also told everyone how expensive everything she bought was, how advanced her child was, how great her career was. And again was put on a pedestal as being the ultimate mum that the others all seemed to want to be. It got quite cringe-worthy at toddler group sessions listening to some of the others really sucking up to her and hanging on her every word. In reality, her child seemed no more advanced than children of a similar age, and the mum had a normal job as a part time nurse. I have no idea of whether she really did spend the amount she said on things though but everyone seemed to be taken in by this.

AIBU to think that people are often taken in by people who think they are better than others?

OP posts:

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Floggingmolly · 16/02/2015 09:40

It's interesting that so many people seemingly can't tell the difference, Nutcracker...

ShebaRabbit · 16/02/2015 09:32

Its not confidence people are discussing, its baseless superiority and how easily some people are taken in by it, look at the thread title, its nothing to do with women bashing or people pleasing. Katie Hopkins is the perfect example.

NutcrackerFairy · 16/02/2015 08:37

I have two words for you - Katie Hopkins.

ahbollocks · 16/02/2015 06:55

Im surprised so many people think it is a negative attribute.
Ive always found it really easy to bond with people quickly, lead a group and instantly make friends with people.
my parents owned a nursery which I greq up in so I think im used to holding court iyswim?
I honestly hope my dc have these attributes because it makes life much easier.

Becles · 16/02/2015 06:33

I'm with BeachyKeen holeinmyheart and MrsTerryPratchett. It's also interesting that women are not meant to be confident in their abilities and any hint of stepping outside a people pleasing, retiring mode is seem as 'up yourself'. It's another way of socialising girls to keep the peace, to be 'nice' to someone who you have little in common with or clearly resents you.

Reading through some of the comments about people feeling excluded reads to me like there are a few PP who would give their eye teeth to be 'in' with the Queen B, but failing that spend time dissing her or expounding at length about how needy and crap she must be.

BTW - introverts and people who make no effort can in their own way be just as dominating of a social scene / group of people (in the worst instances more so, because of the incredibly negative way they make it 'all about themselves').

MadeinSouthWest · 16/02/2015 05:49

YANBU to be irritated by these people and not feed their need for praise etc.

YABU to assume the other people are believing her every word. You don't know what in their heads.

StripeyCustard · 16/02/2015 05:38

Really interesting thread. I know people like this and it drives me mad that other people can't see through them.

HopeClearwater · 15/02/2015 23:13

Alcoholism! Well-known side-effect.

HateFunfairs · 15/02/2015 22:06

I wonder what causes a person to become grandiose?

Inkanta · 14/02/2015 16:46

It's a funny thing grandiosity - it seems to attract ordinary people like a magnet, and makes them want to merge with it, even though grandiose people don't make good friends, as they can't get their minds off themselves

BeachyKeen · 14/02/2015 14:09

I don't understand the hate-on you have for confidence?!
People can be confident, outgoing, and nice! One doesn't exclude the other. Someone can feel great about themselves and still be trustworthy, have good listening skills and be a true friend.

I truly don't get the whole "If you're happy it must be fake" mentality.

Ineedtimeoff · 14/02/2015 13:45

For casual acquaintances, nights out and I guess at work it's good to have someone in the company who is confident, outgoing and gregarious. However, I suspect for close friends it's better to have someone who you can actually share things with, develop deep friendships and trust.

I have all types of friends and there is a place for everyone in my life. I might get mildly irritated with someone who dominates a conversation but other times it's quite nice just to sit and listen.

With regards to self-promotion at work, I think again there needs to be a balance. You need to put yourself out there some what but also I think over time consistency and hard work do pay off (just make sure you're not invisible!)

Wineloffa · 14/02/2015 13:25

Women find security in groups and cliques and Queen Bee types tend to attract women who are a bit lacking in confidence - in a "if I hang out with you, I'll be popular too" type way. I can't be bothered with Queen Bee types either, I can see straight through them and telling someone "you're amazing hun" ten times a day doesn't appeal to me either!

championnibbler · 14/02/2015 13:12

Honestly, there are people like her everywhere and there is no avoiding them.
i don't like these sorts of people either and none of my friends are like that.
i can tell you for sure that there are other people who can see through her, as you do. but like you, they are sensibly keeping quiet about it.

leave her off.
there isn't a thing you can do about it.

ShebaRabbit · 14/02/2015 13:00

Queen Bees don't want friends, they want drones to do all the hive work -admire them unquestioningly. I've seen plenty of drones turn on the QBs eventually though, usually where a lot of alcohol is consumed. It can be quite amusing

MadisonMontgomery · 14/02/2015 12:59

Yes, I know someone like this - she is always on Facebook/Instagram saying how amazing her life is, how well she & her DH are doing professionally, photos of her beautiful house etc - but they are long term house sitting for a wealthy relative, and their jobs aren't really that good. Am always amazed at how many people comment on her pics saying how fab she is, how wonderful her life is.

marthasmith · 14/02/2015 12:46

What I find is that these "queen bee" types are quite selective with who they deem worthy of talking to. They can be quite dismissive of you if you don't show the adoration that's expected of you.

HateFunfairs · 14/02/2015 12:29

I know a couple of people who are like this too. One is a colleague. It's quite embarrassing to watch people fawn over her and butt kiss her. She's never really nice to anyone yet some colleagues are always trying frantically to be her friend and to curry favour with her.

The other is an online friend who has been spoilt by her parents and acts like a little princess, sharing all of her dirty laundry on facebook and needing constant attention yet never giving anything in return. Again it is embarrassing to watch others fawn over her and try to be her friend.

thehumanjam · 09/02/2015 18:10

Thank you.

GatoradeMeBitch · 09/02/2015 17:45

thehumanjam The Saccone-Jolys on YouTube.

dibbydooo · 09/02/2015 17:44

I think though that lots of confident-appearing types are actually needy deep down inside though, otherwise why would they feel the need to constantly boast about themselves, talk about themselves and have constant attention?

OP posts:

angelos02 · 09/02/2015 12:26

People are attracted to those that are confident and attractive. IME anyway. I agree with the poster that says people are attracted to those that don't appear to need anyone. I work with someone very needy and it is off-putting.

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dibbydooo · 09/02/2015 11:12

The humanjam, I'm the same as you and often cannot see the appeal of queen bee types. And then I too wonder if there is something wrong with me for feeling that way

OP posts:

thehumanjam · 09/02/2015 09:08

Who are the family Gatorade? I would like to have a look.

There is a woman I was at school with who has an army of followers on facebook who quite simply adore her and a few of them are so far up her arse it's sickening. She doesn't annoy me (much) because she isn't really doing anything wrong but it's her simpering fans that bug me. Why are people like that?

I often find that I don't tend to like or have that much in common with the Queen Bee types who everyone puts on a pedestal. Then I wonder to myself what does that say about me? Am I odd because I don't see how wonderful they are?

TheWordFactory · 09/02/2015 08:59

Most people, especially women, lack self confidence.

Those that have it, attract the attention of others. Couple it with charisma and it's a winning formula.

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