To not want to be called Auntie

[CalicoBlue]

On reading another thread about not allowing children to call adults their names only auntie/uncle or Mr/Mrs, I thought of my own situation. I hate and always have being called Auntie.

My Dp got his son to call me Auntie when we met. I said time and time again that I did not like it and to call me Calico. The same as my kids friends do. Now DSS does call me Calico, I think he prefers to too. Did take a few years though.

However, even though times have changed and most kids do call adults by their first names I still come across people wanting to refer to me as Auntie.

My DP's adopted sister has some kids and she tries to get them to call me Auntie. My first name is difficult enough for a small child without making it longer by adding Auntie. I hardly ever see them so it is not really an issue, but I do correct her if I hear her say Auntie.

My own sister has some kids, who I have only met once, I did not like them calling me Auntie either, sounds so Victorian and in most cases suggests a family relationship. I know there is one biologically with my sisters kids.

My family to an extent is causal about names, since childhood I have called my father by his first name and aunts and uncles too. My kids call my step mother by her first name.

Am I being unreasonable, is it up to me what I am called or up to the parents? I feel that it should be up to me. What does everyone else do?

[CalicoBlue]

Mineallmine I did not mean to offend you.

I also have an adopted sister, DSS is adopted, my adopted sisters kids are adopted. I also have half and step sisters and brothers. So we talk about adoption in my family quite openly.

[WooWooOwl]

It's up to you, but it think I sad that something so harmless bothers you so much. Fair enough to question it when you aren't actually someone's auntie, but when you are an auntie either through biology or marriage then I think it's nice to have that acknowledged.

But then I come from a family where even the adults call their aunties and uncles by those titles.

[mineallmine]

My DP's adopted sister has some kids and she tries to get them to call me Auntie.
I know you qualified that by saying your DP's sister was adopted when he was an adult but it's still a weird way to describe her. She's his sister, end of. If his Dsis had been born to his parents when your DP was an adult, would you feel the need to mention it in relation to a post about children calling you Auntie? As the mother of a child was was adopted by my, I hate when people try to differentiate like this,

[MaryWestmacott]

It's slightly odd that you wouldn't allow your DNs from your previous marriage to call you Aunty, when thats what you were to them at the time.

If you don't like it, fine, but if children's parents want to teach them to call you aunty when you are actually your SIL's DC's Aunt, then I don't think it's wrong for them to do so. You are family, even if you are distant because they don't see you very often. That would make it more 'normal' that they used your title of Aunt than if you were someone they saw daily.

As I said, it's odd that your step children were being encouraged to use the title, you are no more their aunty than you are their Mum and that would get most people's backs up on here. However, for your DP's DSis's DCs, you are their aunt and even if it does sound 'old' to you, it's what you are to them. (Aunt, not old!)

A lot of the using the title 'auntie' for non-aunts in the olden days (like my childhood) was because it was considered rude for children to use an adult's first name unless they were family. "Aunt X/Uncle Y" got round that rudeness issue. If someone was close to your family, you could use that.

[KurriKurri]

My nieces and nephews all called my Auntie Kurri until they were teenagers then they seemed to naturally start using just my first name. Similarly with my kids friends - they called me Mrs Kurri until they were teenagers (this was partly because I worked in the local primary school and they knew me as Mrs K from my job)

I think it is something that will naturally sort itself out - little children sometimes like to call someone Auntie - it helps them place a person's relationship in their mind. But if you are very very anti (Auntie ) the whole idea then you need to make it ablanket rule that no one calls you auntie, no make any distinctions between, adopted children or step children or whatever, so no one gets hurt or feels excluded.

When I was child we had to call practically every adult friend or neighbour Auntie or Uncle. But to distinguish them from family they were called Auntie+ surname - so I had an Auntie Cooper, an Auntie Roberts etc etc. 'Real' aunts were called Auntie+first name. My XH's 'pretend' aunts had made up nicknames - Like Auntie Sweet or Auntie Lala etc - life was bloody crazy for children in olden times

[CalicoBlue]

I am not picking on DP adopted sister, she was adopted when he was an adult so he does not have the same relationship as if he had grown up with her as his sister. I just don't think that she nor her kids have any relationship to me. As I said I hardly see them, not even once a year.

I did not like my exdh's brother's kids calling me Auntie when we were married. I just don't see that as a relationship and don'r like being called Auntie. My exmil did not like it though.

I think the only person that I could have offended was my sister, as I did not get my kids to call her Auntie ever, even though she would refer to herself as Auntie xxx in cards etc. I was surprised when she introduced me to her kids as Auntie Calico.

I just feel Auntie sounds very old fashioned, a bit stuffy and makes me feel old. Though my teenager does that pretty well too.

The general consensus seems to be that I am not being unreasonable, accept maybe to my own sister.

[YouBetterWerk]

I'm with you OP. All my nieces and nephews just know me by my first name, because we are very close.
Somehow 'Auntie' just seems like something you'd say because you're not that close to them, it seems more formal.

[Pico2]

I was made to call some family friends 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' as a child. But they were vicious people who beat their children (with belts etc), extreme even for the 1980s. That put me off the title for life. As a result even my DNs don't call me Auntie, not to mention friends children. I also try to call my own aunts and uncles by their first names. One set don't seem to like it (their adult children still call them Mummy and Daddy) and the other set seem a bit more grown up and I think would be a bit surprised to be addressed as Auntie and Uncle.

[AuntieStella]

I'm Aunt to my nieces and nephews, and their partners/spouses, and now the great nieces too.

I wouldn't want to be Aunt to anyone else, though.

I do think it's up to that adult to let children know how they want to be addressed. Children can easily cope with different forms of address for different people. I do tell mine to start formal (eg Mr/Ms/Dr) and then be invited in IYSWIM.

No problem with someone being an Aunt to no-one, if they don't want to be (being a selective Aunt, to people of same level of kinship would strike me as a bit odd though, as it's so easily the basis for someone feeling slighted).

[ZingTheGreat]

ffs! unEnglish to say Aunt/Uncle

sorry, I'm half asleep

[ZingTheGreat]

squoosh

I thought it was a very unEnglish thing to do, to use first names only!

In Hungary you would be a very rude child indeed to call an adult by their first name only, unless being given permission to do so by said person.
it's always Auntie this, Uncle that!

[TobyLerone]

YANBU.

My nieces and nephews don't call me Auntie. They just call me by my first name. I call my aunts/uncles by their first names. So do my children.

My friends' children call me by my first name. My childrens' friends call me by my first name (except DS's BFF, who calls me 'DS's mum' because he thinks he's funny :o

[turkeyboots]

None of my many aunts were ever auntie, they said it made them feel old. So I don't expect to be auntie myself. Oddly in DH family "auntie" is his aunt, but who still insist their great nephew and niece call them auntie, so the actual aunties aren't called auntie.

[Fabulous46]

I don't mind it. I'm an Auntie to 12 nephews and 11 nieces. They still call me Auntie even although they're all in their 20's now. I like it.

[Andrewofgg]

My own nephew and niece called me Andrew and so does his son. DW's nephew and nieces called me Uncle for a long time until I won the battle to have it dropped - really only after their GM (my MIL) died and was no longer there to complain about it being "disrespectful". I hope that DW's great-niece will never use the U-word.

[bigbluestars]

I love it. My gorgeous 38 yo niece calls me auntie, I would be happy for her to call me by my first name, but she uses the term so affectionately- it is sweet.

[simbacatlivesgain]

I am not auntie to any of my 8 DN and DNep. 1st name only. My children used to mix and match a bit with their aunts and uncles but now they are teens it is usually 1st names all the way.

I could never be called auntie by a non relative but do know that in many cultures it is an accepted term of endearment and widely used for all adult women regardless of wether or not they are relatives.

[squoosh]

I think it's strange when people refer to their mother's friends as Auntie even though there's no biological link. It's one of those things I've only come across in the UK.

[Bowlersarm]

YANBU, I hate it.

The children of our family and friends have always called us by our first names, and our children do the same to our siblings.

[ZingTheGreat]

I prefer being called Auntie Zing, by nieces, nephews and friends kids. it's lovely and polite.

I teach my kids to do the same

it's not about being reasonable, but what customs and personal preferences are so it's tricky.
who ever cares most wins.
sonif you really hate it, oppose every time until they stop.

but tbh if you are an Aunt, even if you don't like being called an Auntie you still are. so it's not an insult

[MaryWestmacott]

Aunty/Auntie/Aunt for people who aren't actually the child's Aunt or godmother - YANBU, Aunty/Auntie/Aunt when you are the child's Aunt, YABU and odd.

In the case of your DP's DSis's children, you are their Aunty, unless a) you dont consider her to really be your DP's sister as she's adopted, or b) you don't consider your relationship with your DP to be a permanent or commited one. If you are just at the 'dating' stage, then of course it would be weird for her DCs to start calling you Aunty, but you say you've been with your DP for some years, surely you consider yourself to be in a committed relationship and to be part of the family? Or don't you think your relationship is serious without marriage?

Step-children being encouraged to call their parent's new partner Aunty or Uncle, bit old fashioned. Nieces and nephews being encouraged to call their Aunt or Uncle Aunty or Uncle, not strange at all.

[Shockers]

I can't get past the fact that you thought your DP's sister being adopted was relevant to your point.

[Viviennemary]

Auntie does seem to have fallen by the wayside these days. Years ago no adult could be called by their first name by a child. I think it's a bit silly to call people auntie when they're not your auntie. I don't mind being auntie to a young child but don't want to be called auntie by older children. It's an age thing I suppose.

[Redhead11]

I've always been Auntie Redhead to my friends' children, apart from one friend, whose kids i didn't meet until her oldest one was 5. That was fine, too. I love being Auntie Redhead to my niece and nephew. I don't see it as a big deal and it marks out our relationship as special.

[Theboodythatrocked]

But it's a special and unique title? Any bugger calls you by your name but only a few are entitled to call you auntie or mum or gran.

Surely that's special isn't it?