to give my honest opinion when asked for it?

[mommy2ash]

I know a lot of people think it's a cop out to say I was just being honest but I am a very honest person and make a point of not offering my opinion unless specifically asked for it. anyone who knows me know if you really want the truth you will get it off Me if you just want someone to agree with you im not the person.

well my sister asked my opinion on sending my niece to preschool in September. my sister and my mom were talking about how advanced my niece is and how she really needs to be taught. she will be two and five months come September.

my opinion is she is too young. the preschool in question is very strict and expects a lot from young kids. my dd went there so I know first hand. she needs to be completely toilet trained, have normal sized toilets with plastic step and are not supervised while in the toilet only someone outside the door. my niece doesn't really have many words yet just mama dada and baby so unless she comes on leaps and bounds which is of course possible she won't be able to participate at the level they expect.

the reality as I see it they will send her home within the first week and say she isn't ready and she might not get a place the following year as it is very much in demand. she already goes to a creche that caters for her age and I think she is better there. the preschool is really to get them ready to attend primary school.

my sister then asked if I thought her child was not advanced enough to attend and my answer is no, she c lovely wonderful child and I love her to bits but she isn't advanced and there is nothing wrong with that.

now she won't speak to me until I take it back and agree her dd is very advanced for her age.

the whole thing seems really ridiculous to me. why can't kids just be kids without having some sort of special talent.

[Lweji]

i was cruel to say in front of my niece she wasn't ready for the preschool
No, you weren't.

You'd have been cruel if you had called her stupid or something along those lines.
Babies develop at different rates. What you said was just a fact.
Although she could be in 9 months, who knows?
If anything you may have underestimated her, but it's not cruel at all.

[Lweji]

No low self esteem the opposite in fact.

You may think, but people like that do have low self esteem. She wouldn't need to big herself up if she hadn't.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Seriously?

they all enable this craziness?

Your sister is in for a shock and your poor nice in for a shock when she's thrown into situations she's incapable of handling and your sister carries on just so not to be out done by others.

[mommy2ash]

she can be a bit nuts and competitive with her baby. getting a bit too caught up in whose baby did what first between her friends when the post stuff on Facebook. when hers wasn't the first in some things she would say things like well her baby is ugly has a big nose weird eyes etc at least mine is beautiful that's what gets you ahead in life.

No low self esteem the opposite in fact.

the rest of my family are in agreement i was cruel to say in front of my niece she wasn't ready for the preschool

[Lweji]

Your first mistake was to apologise to your sister.

You start pandering to these people and there's no end to it.

[Lweji]

She won't be dropping your DC's presents over?
WTAF?

Tell her to give them to charity, will you?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Is she usually this nuts?

I don't see what's supposed to have been so rude and tact less. I really can't.

She's basing her parenting skills on how bright her dd is. that's not your fault.

does she have low self esteem?

[mommy2ash]

I do agree i could have been more tactful. I do have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth my sister is always the first to point out to people that any advice I give comes from a good place it's just different about kids.

my issue was the setting doesn't seem suitable for the child they may as well have been asking me was she advanced enough to go to university.

we are at a standstill now and she has said she won't be dropping my dds Christmas presents over till she is happy my niece is no longer upset with me and I have said sorry to her.

I really don't think I can apologise for hurting a. toddlers feelings to their face without laughing especially as when I hold her she hugs and kisses Me all over it will look even more silly to pretend she is upset with me lol.

time to break out the wine lol

[Whereisegg]

Your ds is being really bizarre expecting you to apologise to a baby!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Not being.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Being.

excuse typos

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Why is she taking boot advanced as such an insult. I. love DD2 to bits but fgs she's got the intelligence of a door knon .

I dont take any offence to her not being advanced it he slightest. doesn't make them any less loveable.

The pre school sounds dreadful and if your right and your nice won't cope them surely it's better they find out now rather than when she's gone and goes from being a happy confident little girl to a nervous wreck wetting herself cos she can't cope.

you don't sound rude. your sister sounds obsessed and a bit in denial tbh. She has speech problems. so what. her and thousands of other children. She will get there.

[Lweji]

When I moved to my home country with DS from England, he had been about to enter Year 1, so I considered asking that he was put in year 1 here too, although entrance is for children who have completed 6 years of age by December at the very latest. He is an early January child.
My mother (also the honest type) pointed out that he was not ready.

He wasn't.
He went to pre-school and is one of the oldest in his class, but is also one of the best.

I think you were right in giving your honest opinion for the benefit of the child. Her mother doesn't need her ego boosted through her dd.

[Lottiedoubtie]

I think I'd send a formal letter of apology to the baby in my best handwriting, through the post. Perhaps with a bunch of flowers or wildly unsuitable grown up chocolates.

But then I can be a bit of a cow if provoked ;)

Seriously, you didn't mean any harm, yes you could have been more tactful, but overall your sister is a fruitcake..

[Lweji]

Your sister sounds horrible and deluded, TBH.

You should go to the child and tell her you're sorry she has such a mother.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Now she's being a tit and looking to make you grovel.

I'd draw the line at saying sorry to a baby.

[lljkk]

I'm all for honest answers, I don't think OP said anything wrong. That said. It's NINE months away!? You're an experienced parent, you know how much they can change & how unexpectedly. I would have coughed up "They're quite strict & demanding, Not sure I should have sent my own DD there. Why don't you ask me again in June? I wonder if X preschool might suit her better."

[Pico2]

I think you just needed to clarify that the problem is the unrealistic expectations of the preschool, rather than any issue with your DN. We moved DD's nursery at 2.5 to one that met her needs better, but she wasn't toilet trained when we moved her, nor was it a stricter or more formal environment.

[clam]

YANBU. She is being ridiculous and Hell would freeze over before I apologised to a 2yr old for something she wouldn't understand the meaning of anyway. I certainly wouldn't take back something and say something untrue that I didn't believe just to pacify a nutty sister.

[mommy2ash]

I've apologised to my sister i really didn't mean to upset her. my observations were more based on the preschool than my niece. im not sure I'm willing to make an idiot out of myself apologising to a baby though I haven't texted back to that request i don't know what to say to be honest. she really isn't joking

[Thegoosenotthegander]

I don't mean to be rude but your sister sounds bonkers.
Just being honest : )

[mommy2ash]

two years and five months just about