bil's unequal treatment of us vs. his wife's family

[BrendaBlackhead]

I've read a lot on here about how dh and dw should each attend to their own sides of the family - and to an extent I agree. I'll visit my family by myself and dh visits his alone. Not all the time, but sometimes. We are not joined at the hip.

But... but... one thing does bother me. Dh's brother's wife is a great hostess and marvellous cook. They have a large Georgian house and often throw big dinner parties and frequently have sil's family there. But we are never party to her cooking (except for one occasion when I found we were last-minute stand-ins: that's how I know about her food, as well as from some third parties).

If we see bil and sil, it is bil who caters and does something like frozen chicken kievs or pizzas from the CoOp. I can't help feeling it's rather pointed. If we ever host dh's family, I do the cooking because I always do the cooking and I think it would be rude for dh to do it on this one occasion per year and make cheese on toast when I could (and do) make a much better effort.

AIBU?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Could be a Welsh/Scottish or Irish thing too Whata.

Not everybody likes the family of their DH/dp/DW. Some people prefer one half of couples family more than the others (as is the case for DH and I, prefer spending time with my family).

My DH dossnt like his own brother so there's precious little reason why I should bother.

[WhatASoddingMess]

Alis - I don't know about that...my dh doesn't like his brother..yet we have them over with the other siblings and have found that it has actually improved relations..as well as taking the stress off of my poor mil who is upset they aren't close. I find it really important to try and keep the family close.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Her cooking is truly, truly terrible, your DB knows this and is protecting you from the crazy family who've been pretending it's awesome for too long and have been eating the inedible at dinner parties for too long.

The last minute stand in time, he substituted in professional caterers for your dishes, but obviously he can't risk that every time.

YABU.

[IAmAShitHotLawyer]

YABU

If you don't like what people cook for you, don't go to their house to eat. Have them at yours instead.

What did you last cook for your sister-in-law?

[Trills]

When my family come over we act as a team, just as we do with DH's family and our friends

This.

[BrendaBlackhead]

We have had them over ten times more than they have hosted us. I know my OP does sound a bit sexist, but it's the fact that sil is such a good cook that I suppose rankles a bit. Her family and their friends get the cordon bleu stuff but his side don't. I would feel as if I were being very sour if I pushed the boat out for me and mine but left dh to it when his family visited.

I fully appreciate that sil doesn't much care for us - but in the spirit of family relations I think that once a year she could make an effort when otherwise she is a regular and accomplished hostess.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

It does sound like she doesn't like you or your family very much.

So stop having them over for dinner, maybe just for a drink and nibbles if you want to have them over.

[CelesteToTheDance]

Maybe she doesn't enjoy your company that much and doesn't want to encourage you to come over more than necessary or bother putting in effort for an occasion that won't be particularly enjoyable.

I cooked once for the family of an ex and they were so rude (unintentionally, they had no manners or social skills) that I never bothered again. Putting in a huge amount of effort into something is pointless if it's not going to be appreciated or the experience is made unpleasant with bad company.

[BarbarianMum]

Maybe she resents the fact that her dh is a lazy arse when it comes to entertaining? Annoying but maybe not personal?

In your situation I'd invte them over and serve them a vesta curry.