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AIBU?

children have received a cash gift but different amounts based on age

44 replies

twoopsie · 19/12/2014 08:53

I've received a card from a family member with a 10 cheque with instructions to give it to my four dc.

Lovley supprise, and very kind.

However she's said to give 4 to eldest, 3 next eldest then 2 then 1 to youngest.

Aibu to just split it evenly or spend it all together on something when we are out?

She's in her 90s, but I really don't understand this logic. Can anyone explain it?

OP posts:

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Songofsixpence · 19/12/2014 09:30

I'd put it towards a DVD or something for them all to share

My great grandmother used to do this when my brother and I were kids. I was supposed to get the biggest share as I was the oldest

My mum used to just take us out to the cinema or something with it

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LittleBearPad · 19/12/2014 09:32

Buy something for them all with it. It's simpler.

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Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 19/12/2014 09:33

Buy something joint like a DVD, and if she asks say that they all decided to club together :)

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PatriciaHolm · 19/12/2014 09:34

I think it's a lovely gesture on her part and she may have no real idea how little £10 really is these days; she may be thinking the elder ones could get a game or dvd with their £4, for example. I would buy them a family dvd and send her a card and picture of them all to say thank you! You could even say they decided to pool it to get something they all really wanted?

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ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 19/12/2014 09:36

Definitely buy something they can all share :) Sweet Aunt x

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weaselsquirrel · 19/12/2014 09:40

I would get four DVDs from amazon on the 4 for £10 deal. Loads of lovely films. A troll in Central Park, rats of nimh 1&2, five children and it, thunderpants, MR poppers penguins. Loads of choice.

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Sazzle41 · 19/12/2014 10:56

Sounds from other posters with similar experience that it comes from a time when money was tight for the previous generation? I'd split it equally on some poundland sweets for their stocking fillers. They have oversized fruit pastilles and smarties tubes for 1 each ....

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youareallbonkers · 19/12/2014 11:14

I would do this on the basis that older children spend more money than younger children.

Don't you do this with pocket money? £1 is loads to a 3 year old but not much to a 10 year old

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londonrach · 19/12/2014 11:50

I think this happened once from an elderly relative and a cheque, with me getting more being the oldest. If i remember rightly she forgot to sigh the cheque. My dm still gave us the money equally (into our account) and we wrote a lovely thank you. She died the next year so only happened the once, or else i was too young to remember previous years. I think my parents throw away the cheque.

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CheeseBuster · 19/12/2014 12:25

But children get different amounts of pocket money as they get older? I would give more money to a 10yo compared to a 5 yo.

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BackforGood · 19/12/2014 12:42

Pocket money is different though - a) it's about what they are likely/able to spend, and b) it's about budgeting, but mainly the rule will stay the same, so the 7 yr old getting £7 regularly knows that next year they will get £8 etc and that their sibling may get £10 now they are 10 but used to get £7 when they were 7, and that the younger sibling will still be getting it when the oldest no longer gets it - it's "visible" that it will all be even over time. I 'one off treat' isn't the same thing at all.

OP I agree with others that probably the best thing in this scenario is to treat them to a family box game or DVD between them, or something they consider a treat (like a hot choc with cream and marsh mallows when you are out somewhere) or something and tell them it's a treat from your Aunty.

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Birdsgottafly · 19/12/2014 12:42

It's a generational thing, that we no longer need to perpetuate.

This stems back from the eldest having responsibilities in a family, even as a child. They would be babysitters and be expected to care for the Mother, when she was widowed, so was always awarded accordingly.

It is the thought that counts, in this case.

I would go with the DVD/Snacks idea.

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Keepcalmanddrinkmulledwine · 19/12/2014 12:56

I know my Nan would want them to be given the cash amount to spend on sweets. I'd be inclined to do that and take a pic of them with their treat to send as a thank you card.

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TooHasty · 19/12/2014 13:01

The gift was from her to them.Nothing to do with you.You should give it as she asked.It's really not your call.

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twoopsie · 19/12/2014 13:04

Ah thanks for explaining that.

Never thought of not cashing it tbh. As ever the most generous people are the ones without much, but might offend her if I didn't cash it.

Now just need to word the thankyou letters to not offend.

OP posts:

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TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 19/12/2014 13:14

It's fine if the next year the four year old gets the amount the now five year old got the year before. Not so fair if the four year old always gets the same small amount by virtue of being the youngest.
I completely agree it's a lovely gift though and a joint dvd or someone mentioned 4 for £10 would be the way I would go.

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MrsMaker83 · 19/12/2014 15:13

As lovely a gesture as it is, they are hardly going to be able to buy much individually. I would encourage them to buy a film or something they can all enjoy together.

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fluffyraggies · 19/12/2014 17:02

I would cash it, as she may check her account (or have someone check it for her) and fret when the money doesn't come out.

I'd spend the money on a family treat.

When i was 15 an aged relative (who hadn't seen me since i was 7) presented me with a tiny beaded plastic purse with 50p in it. Love her. I thanked her properly at the time, but was very I've never forgotten it.

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CrohnicChristmas · 19/12/2014 18:16

If it was based on age like weegie's FIL then that would be fine! as the older ones presumably got less when they were younger, and younger ones will get more when they're older. But it's not, it's based on position in the family. There's often a perception by the youngest children that things are unfairly weighted towards the older children (eg oldest child gets new toys, clothes etc, while youngest has hand me downs, oldest child gets to stay up late, oldest child does all the 'firsts'), and a gift like this could confirm those thoughts.

I'd do the family present, and either explain that eldest DC saw something they wanted but it was too expensive so you said they could all put their money towards it, or tell her you gave the money as requested and they spent it on sweets/comics.