Aibu to want ex to change his surname?

[Rebecca2014]

When we got married my ex took my surname as he hated his own family surname.

We have now been separated for a month and he is still using my surname, I thought he would have changed it back to his family name? I have asked him a few times and his just told me to leave him alone!

I am worried if one day he remarries or has another child he would give them MY family surname. Would that even be legal?

Aibu? If he legally entitled to use my surname even after an divorce?

I know this is petty but it bothers me as he was such an dick to me in marriage.

[WooWooOwl]

YABVU.

It's his name as much as it is yours now, you had no right to ask him to change it.

[TiggyD]

2014 is a silly surname anyway.

[HoobleDooble]

Trumper

[HoobleDooble]

Ooh I really want to know what his surname was before he changed it now. Something embarrassing like Trumper, or socially awkward like Hitler? (Apologies to any MNs who have the names stumper or Hilter btw)

[PfftTheMagicDraco]

It's not your name, not when he uses it. It would be the same the other way round too. It's his name. He didn't borrow it from you, he didn't take out a loan. He changed his name. Legally. He can use whatever name he likes. YABU.

Whether he uses the name for any further children or wives is nothing to do with you. He might want to, he might change his name again, he might not. The children might have his name, or their mother's name, or a different name. None of which are any of your business.

[iggymama]

I have been divorced for more than a decade but still have my married surname for the same reason others have stated, wanting to have the same name as my child. My ex never said anything, I don't think he gave a toss tbh.

A couple of years ago I felt I wanted my maiden name back but in the end could not face the hassle of changing all the various records.

[BuckskinnedAstronaut]

He changed it legally. It's his surname now, not just yours. And of course he can give his surname to any future children. In fact, legally he could give his children the surname Fortescue-Buckminster-Smythe if he wants.

[ClashCityRocker]

Yeah, I can't see any potential future wife being keen to take your last name and call her kids by it.

I don't think YABU to dislike it, but there isn't anything you can do about it. And if he is an arsehole, don't let him use it as a stick to beat you with.

[Andrewofgg]

YABU. Just like an ex-h cannot make his ex-w change her name back. If he passes your name on to a new DW: well, that's like an ex-h giving his name to a second DW.

Apart from anything else, changing name officially is a faff. For historical reasons it is easier for a woman marrying and taking her husband's name than in other circumstances; for him it would be super-faff involving passports, driving licences, employers, and if he is in a profession it gets even worse.

I can see how you feel but JTB.

[Bowlersarm]

I think YABU. It's no different to a woman changing her name on marriage and then not changing it back on separation.

I didn't think I'd want his new wife and hypothetical new children having my name though, but hopefully the new wife wouldn't want that either!

[slithytove]

I actually don't think YABU.

I think it's ok for ex to keep it in that a divorced woman could keep her ex's name too if she wanted.

But yes, the idea of him giving your name to a new wife and children is odd - I can't see a divorced women asking her new husband to take her ex husbands name.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do and it would be unreasonable to press the ex on it.

[Castlemilk]

Same as is always said in reverse - it's now his surname too.

What, you think that if you'd always stayed together he would have actually been spending his life 'borrowing' your surname? How weird.

Say your surname is Brown. Do you consider that every other person on the planet with the surname 'Brown' is using your surname? Of course you don't. Ex is now in that category. He happens to have the same surname as you.

It's his. If he married again, his wife could take his name and then she too would happen to be one of the x thousand people on the planet with the surname 'Brown'.

That is all it is.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

It's his name now. He can keep it and give it to future partners/children. It might be better for your daughter for him to keep it. This really isn't worth getting upset about.

[Mrsjayy]

If it has only been a month everything is still raw really and it is still his name id leave it for now least you are rid of him now, my mil was divorced longer than she was married and never changed her name

[CountingThePennies]

Hes not seeing the name as a link to you.

Hes seeing the name as better than the name he orginally had and thats why hes keeping it.

[UncleT]

Sorry, but it's completely up to him. He changed his name when you married - there's nothing at all that requires him to change it again. YABU, even though your sentiments are, quite possibly, understandable.

[Caboodle]

Sorry but changing your name may be a faff but it can be free. I downloaded wording from 'tinternet, filled in the details and got a neighbour to witness it. Everyone accepted this - passport office / DVLA / banks etc.
However, YABU - it's been a month. Also, it he wants to keep it he can.
If he marries again and has more children and gives them your name then at least they have same name as your daughter, this might be nice for her.

[AlpacaLypse]

OP I can understand why you feel a bit pissed off - I have a very unusual surname as my grandparents were refugees, and since my entire generation of the family are girls, three of us have kept our name and carried it on to our children so that at least some people of our surname will carry on (Also DP's surname is spectacularly boring... ).

Nevertheless sadly as so many have said upthread it is entirely his business and his alone what he chooses to call himself, and changing paperwork is a massive faff and not free of charge. Even our local public library wants a fee to change details on the borrowers card.

[NamesNick]

anyone else intrigued as to what the awful surname actually is?

op I understand what you're saying about him using your surname. its a bit like being in a team and having a team name. now he is no longer in the team you feel he shouldn't be using it.

its all a bit raw for you I suspect and I think this will grate on you less as time passes. afterall..it's only a name.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Yabu. It is now also his name and he is free to continue using it

[SaucyJack]

Sadly, it's perfectly legal for him to keep it and give it to any old dog he marries next.

I understand your ire tho. Is it possible he's doing it to wind you up?

[zippey]

It's his surname, not yours. Though you surname may be the same as his. I don't think it's illegal.

If it winds you up so much have you thought about changing YOUR surname? Maybe back to his old one?

[waithorse]

YABU. He can use whatever name he likes. It is legal.

[Spadequeen]

If dh and I split, no way would I go back to my maiden name, there was a reason I changed my name, it is now my name.

Yabvu

[ArthurShappey]

Legally it's now his name, he changed it. He can now marry and have more children and give them all the same surname as his (and yours) there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

In fact I could even change my name to the same as you and pass it on to all my offspring too.