A male friend of mine has become a "feminist" and I want to hit him over the head with a big stick

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

"That's not very feminist of you"
"Call yourself a feminist when you aren't helping women!"
"I went to a local feminist discussion group. And they didn't seem to be interested in what I had to say. How do they expect to be listened to when they don't listen to me."

....is a selection of comments from dinner the other night.

Don't get me wrong, I think men should be feminist/feminist allies. I am delighted to the fact that a highly priviliged man who has previously shown absolutely no awareness in women's issues has woken up to gendered disadvantage and the need for equality and emancipation. (He is gay and socialises almost exclusively with other gay men, no sisters, doesn't even work with women so it is quite impressive that he has seen beyond his own bubble I suppose).

But I am irritated by his "ooh look at me. I am a FEMINIST now" and the half cocked ideas which he has picked up off twitter.

But what is driving me mad is his hypocrisy and his attempts to shut down female view points (such as over dinner) with the "bad feminist" line.

Eg one woman at the dinner is more right wing than this particular male friend. By no means Nigel Farage, just Tony Blair to his Tony Benn if you get what I mean. This woman was told off for being a "bad feminist" because "your ideas won't help women". When I said that perhaps what was most important was that we listen to women's voices (ie shut up and stop interrupting) he replied "I don't have to listen to stupid women's voices".

The irony being - as I pointed out to him - that any man who does a lot of cocaine and supports one of the most evil industries in the world with terrible effects on women and children has no business a) using the "not helping women" line or b) saying that anyone else's worldview is stupid.

This morning I get a text from male friend saying words to the effect of
"I am really upset that you aren't more supportive about me being a feminist, but then what did I expect you didn't even thank me for signing up to the no more page 3 campaign".

He became a "feminist" before the Emma Watson speech, but that has added fuel to his fire.

DH has invited him over for a drink this evening. I want to get a big stick with "stop being a hypocritical wazzock" emblazoned on the side and hit him over the head with it.

WIBU?

[seasavage]

Definitely post some articles about privilege. Learning to shut up and encourage participation from others rather than sticking the oar in.