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AIBU?

To think I'm not a neglectful mother?

40 replies

Pippin8 · 01/09/2014 18:50

I bought DS2 (14) his school uniform last week & left the shirts & trousers in his room so he could try on for size.

I asked him last Thursday to try them on & let me know as we were going away Friday. He didn't. I asked him again last night when we returned & he didn't. I told him I'm back at work weds & won't have time to swap if nothing fits. I got up early today & went to the dentist, he was out when I got back, all the uniform still in packets.

I opened the shirts, thought they looked ok size wise, so I washed & ironed them & hung them up. I left the trousers as they looked a bit big.

He just got in & the shirts are too long. I said tough, I'm not wasting anymore of my time running round after you, you'll wear them & make the best of it. He had a major tantrum & said he won't go to school. I said fine, don't, its your future I'm past caring. He then said I'm a shit mum & will be arrested for being neglectful. I replied that no one ever went to prison for buying the wrong size school shirt.

Just to add, he does this every year, never puts any effort into anything. Nobody buys my clothes & runs round after me. He wants more privileges & independence as he's 15 in 3 weeks, but then he behaves like this.

OP posts:

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SpringItOn · 03/09/2014 22:57

Make him take them back for an exchange!

I too have a completely disorganised, nonchalant to the point of unconsciousness teen son. He sat his GCSE ICT in YR9, just started Yr10 this week and still hasn't been arsed to check of he passed it or not.

His dinner sits cold on the table most evenings as he 'forgets' we've called him, he'd never shower unless I told him, I could go on, and I do! It's like banging my head against a brick wall, nothing changes apart from my consumption.

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LadySybilLikesCake · 03/09/2014 23:00

Sounds like my 15 year old, SpringItOn

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DoJo · 03/09/2014 23:35

Why are teens so infuriating?

Because if they stayed as adorable as they were when they were babies, you would be following him to school, nibbling his toes and sniffing the top of his head, which would make you the most embarrassing mum in the world and probably send him into a paroxysm of humiliation which could, like, actually, like literally kill him!

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LadySybilLikesCake · 03/09/2014 23:39

Mine's lovely. His head is mostly in the clouds with the butterflies though. He's practically incapable of feeding himself(unless it's jaffa cakes)/getting himself a drink/bathing/getting changed etc. He does surprise me sometimes and he still loves cuddles so I suppose it's a trade off.

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ICanSeeTheSun · 03/09/2014 23:51

Parenting is a lot like pregnancy.

1st trimester is tiring and trying to adjust = 0-4 years old
2nd trimester is more energy and feeling normal 5-12 year old.
3rd trimester back to feeling like 1st = 13-17 year old.
You give birth and think it's all over 18 year old
Then the after birth delivery 19+

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kslatts · 03/09/2014 23:56

YANBU expecting him to try on the new uniform in plenty of time.

I said fine, don't, its your future I'm past caring. - I think saying this is a bit unreasonable.

My dd(14) is due back at school on Friday, she's had the whole summer holiday and hasn't managed to find a pair of black trousers that are comfortable and fashionable enough for her but still within the school rules. I've offered to take her a few times and she has been shopping with friends at least once a week since they finished school. She is now spending the last day of her holiday shopping for her school trousers. I have made it very clear that if she arrives home without trousers tomorrow then I will be going to Tesco tomorrow evening and I will be choosing them, if she doesn't like them she can wear them Friday and buy a pair with her own money at the weekend.

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PomBearWithAnOFRS · 04/09/2014 01:28

Why the actual fuck do you iron? It is a filthy filthy habit, and should be stamped out! Just Say No!
(I gave it up in 1989 and have never looked back )

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SavoyCabbage · 04/09/2014 02:07

Yes, you are not neglectful if you iron. The children in my family think that an iron is a device associated with going to a wedding.

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mathanxiety · 04/09/2014 03:00

YABU to wash and iron the shirts. He should be doing all that himself. If you make him do that kind of chore he will start treating you with more respect, and he won't have energy left to tantrum with.

And if he wants a new bag and pencil case he should buy them himself too.

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DogCalledRudis · 04/09/2014 07:29

YAB a little bit U. Shops have fitting rooms for a reason. You should have taken him with you when you went shopping. Especially if you say it happens every year.

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toomuchtooold · 04/09/2014 10:04

"The children in my family think that an iron is a device associated with going to a wedding."

Ahahaha! DH and I work in jobs where you need to wear formal business clothes. For 8 days' work we have pared it down to 9 pieces of clothing that need to be ironed. Each weekend, these are taken to the dry cleaners and ironed by someone who has more patience than me...

To the OP, no YANBU. Natural consequences will teach him 100 times faster than lecturing and doing it for him...

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BiddyPop · 04/09/2014 11:27

Our new au pair was signing her contract yesterday, and wondering why I didn't tick the ironing box ("Children's ironing ONLY"). A) because DD never wears anything needing ironing in the first place (she lives in tracksuits 7 days a week, we manage to force her into a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt on Sundays after hockey training), and b) DH devolved all ironing duties onto himself (from I did mine, he did his) after DD was born, and has insisted on retaining those even in his overseas travels, so it just builds up for the 2 weeks he's away (instead of over 1 week until the weekend) and he does it all then!!

AP was delighted but I will have to show her where iron etc is this weekend as she also irons her own clothes and has looked pretty immaculate all week since arriving!

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BlackeyedSusan · 04/09/2014 13:03

irons definitely for weddings and funerals.

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mathanxiety · 04/09/2014 18:22

DogCalledRudis, my own DS refused to go shopping with me for years. I managed to eyeball items and usually got the right size but he always gave me the impression he didn't really like the clothes I bought. So I refused to do it any more and eventually when his clothes were falling apart he agreed to come shopping. But would he go to a fitting room and try on clothes he chose? lol. When he found his clothes were too small/big etc., he would expect me to return them. Again, lol. So he learned. But you can take the horse to water, etc...

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lessthanBeau · 04/09/2014 19:07

I travelled all the way across the country to pick up my dd19 from her uni digs, she was moving so we were taking everything, when I arrived at 11.30pm after being at work, and having a toddler, she hadnt packed one single item, because of course I've got all day to sit around and help her pack the next day, when I really needed to be off early in the morning to make it for my late shift at work. No urgency at all.
My dd used to ask me to buy clothes for her and would tell me what they looked like ,I would then spend bloody forever trying to find the said items as she hadnt seen them for sale anywhere, it took about 2 years before she finally told me that she hadnt seen them for sale anywhere as she had imagined them herself! this revelation came about when I told her to ask whoever she saw wearing it where they got it from! they really do live in their own little bubbles!