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AIBU?

Is my Mum or her Stepmum being unreasonable RE inheritance

74 replies

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 12:22

Looking for some help with regards to an inheritance issue in Scotland.

My mums father passed away recently and he had been married to his last wife for a long time. My mum assumed any inheritance would be passed to her step mum and to be honest wasn't really thinking that way, more upset about her father passing away.

A few weeks ago her step mum came to visit and told her that her father had not drawn the will up 'properly' and that herself, my mum and her brother would all receive a third of his moveable assets. The house was her step mums as it was paid off. Her step mum then proceeded to ask my mum to relinquish her third and give it to her as should she take the money 'her standard of living would decrease' she said it was what my mums father would have wanted. This was not asked of my mums brother as 'he would take the money anyway'. So as not to drip feed or to indicate a 'poor old woman' , her step mother has her own business which earns well, a fully paid off house and car.

She told my mum that a letter would follow from the lawyers and this would offer my mum the undisclosed sum and she would really appreciate it if my mum gave her her third of the moveable assets.

My mum was at her asking at all. Who is being unreasonable? And as an aside could her step mum tell the lawyers that my mum doesn't want her third without my mum stating this?

Grateful for any advice and help!!

OP posts:

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Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 21:31

In doing so Brutha you will be giving those children a chance to grieve without complication.

OP posts:

BruthasTortoise · 09/08/2014 21:30

In that case I would be inclined to advise your DM to take her share now. I'm a SM and I know my DH would want our estate to remain with me in its entirety if he were to pass first but that is completely on the indisputable understanding that when I go it would be shared equally amongst all the DC (which is of course what I would do).

BruthasTortoise · 09/08/2014 21:26

I

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 21:21

Thank you Brutha, that is kind of you to say!

My step gran has no children. She does however have a nephew who has his own children and she spends an awful lot of time with them ( as she should). I am inclined to think (although this is pure conjecture) that she would leave her state in its entirety to him and his young family.

She is good fun but is a very opinionated lady, which can of course be a good thing but she has made several barbed and several blatant remarks to our family over the years which has not made me warm to her as much as I normally would have. On the other hand she is very good with my son.

OP posts:

BruthasTortoise · 09/08/2014 21:15

What sort of a person is your step-gran generally, nursery? Does she have children of her own? I'm just wondering if it would be possible for your DM to "defer" her share until your DSGM passes (which is what I'm assuming what would happen is she was your mums DM as opposed to stepmother).

Also, I forgot to say earlier, I am very sorry for your loss, I'm sure dealing with all this must be very difficult for you and your DM at this time

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 21:10

Happy - not to go into too much detail but my uncle will stand alone on this. To quote my step gran ' he is all for himself'. Whether that's right or wrong, it's not for me to judge but he certainly won't support my mum and will take his share without conscience.

Brutha - my uncle will certainly take his share. Right or wrong. My step gran knows this.

OP posts:

prettybird · 09/08/2014 21:08

It could be Bruthas - but in which case, he should've talked it through with his kids when he made his will to make sure that they would waive their legal rights, as it is not possible to leave everything to his wife under Scots Law.

Chiana · 09/08/2014 21:02

OP, your mum needs to see a solicitor pronto, and not make any snap decisions. It sounds like her step mum is putting a lot of pressure on her.

BruthasTortoise · 09/08/2014 20:52

But if it turns out that there has been a legal mistake and in reality your GF did want his entire estate to go to his DW (which isn't outside if the realms of possibility) wouldn't it be morally right for your DM and her brother to respect his wishes?

HappyAgainOneDay · 09/08/2014 20:47

Why not bring your uncle into it to support your mother, OP?

Optimist1 · 09/08/2014 20:40

I, too, think that the stepmother is being unreasonable given her circumstances. But your mother will have gut feelings about how she wants to react to the outrageous request. She should bear in mind, though, that if she relinquishes her legal share at this stage she might well not recoup the loss when stepmother dies - stepmother might well exclude your mum from her will. I'm sure her father didn't envisage his daughter receiving nothing at all?

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 20:27

No nanny, he even had another wife in between

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2014 20:26

Was the estate that your GF built up, contributed to by his first wife (Your mother's mother)? because that would make quite a difference in my eyes.

But I do think Step-mother is trying it on.

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 19:26

Oh thanks pretty, that's really interesting. I will let her know.

OP posts:

prettybird · 09/08/2014 17:45

Found this : so technically, all your mum needs to do to find out who the executors are/the contents of the will, is apply to the Sheriff's Court of the area where your dad lived.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2014 17:42

Don't wills have to be lodged with some government body, or the law society or something?

Surely your mum's solicitor can find out which law firm is dealing with her dad's will?

I'm sure I've read that wills have to be lodged/declared or something like that?

prettybird · 09/08/2014 17:42

The other difference in Scots Law (compared to English law) is that a previous will is not invalidated on marriage. So if hadn't re-written his will when he re-married and had a previous will, that one still stands.

TeacupDrama · 09/08/2014 17:35

the stepmother under scots law gets all the house if that is the will, you just can not disinherit adult children neither can you disinherit your spouse entirely; so OP's mum and her brother are entitled whatever the will says to a 1/3 of moveable assets

what assets are OP's grandfathers and which are step mums own assets maybe debatable but if he has 100K in investments in his bname not joint names, the mother and brother are entitled to £16,666 each as a minimum under scots law the step mum would still have £66,666 in cash

pillowaddict · 09/08/2014 17:34

If there was no specific will then I can see how this happened. It happened with my df who died suddenly. We knew he intended to leave all to his wife so dsis and I had to write a letter to solicitor stating we did not wish to contest his wishes/waived our legal right. Maybe this is all she is trying to do, ensure his wishes are met.

prettybird · 09/08/2014 17:33

The OP did say that "her step mother has her own business which earns well, a fully paid off house and car." so while she might be grieving and panicking, she is not destitute.

Although I am bit about the degree to which she is panicking: if that was the case, why did she go to the daughter and not the son? It shows a degree of calculation.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 09/08/2014 16:21

SM might not be a 'money grabbing bully' she may be a distraught grieving widow that is worried about her financial future and panicking.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 09/08/2014 16:20

What about if your mum relinquished her right to the assets in return for an equal portion of the house? That she would receive on the SM's death or if the house was sold. That way it wouldn't reduce SM standard of living but would mean that DM is not screwed over either.

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Allalonenow · 09/08/2014 16:18

I don't think that your Mother should give away the inheritance she is entitled to under the law.

Her Stepmother sounds to be a money grabbing bully, particularly her comments about not asking the brother to forego his share of the estate.
The mention of the fall in the Stepmother's standard of living is sheer emotional blackmail on the Stepmother's part.

I do hope that your Mother hasn't signed anything yet. She needs to see her Father's solicitor, tell him that she is being pressured by the Stepmother, but that she wants her share of the estate just the same as her brother.

Nurserytastic · 09/08/2014 16:12

I promise you that my mum would not remove furniture from her house! I'm not sure about my uncle to be honest.

With regards to the executor, my mum has no idea nor which law firm is being used. She would like to view the details and show them to her own lawyer before any decision is made.

The letter has still not turned up and this is what led her to question whether her step mother has the ability to infirm the law firm that she does not want to take it further.

OP posts:

Roussette · 09/08/2014 15:58

What is a cock-up on the will? Wills are Wills and there won't be any sort of cock up at all as either a Will has been made out or it hasn't. I would imagine that step Mum is just making that up because she wants all the money.

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