to feel very anxious about respite carers (that I don't know) coming in to my home to look after my dc (so I can go out?)

[Loveneverfails]

DS recently diagnosed as autistic.

We have never had any outside help and I am scared leaving him with strangers even highly trained ones. The system is that they will look after all the kids (3) to allow us to get out for a couple of hours.

It is a council run scheme. All peoples vetted etc.

I am just scared that he/they will somehow come to some harm (ie especially sexually).

I know well I think I know that IABVVVVU :( But it GENUINELY scares me as ds could not say if this was the case AND I feel like he / the kids are miine to keep entirely safe :(

In a quandry.

[HappySeaTurtles]

Can you invest in some nanny cams? It might put your mind at ease to watch them interacting positively with your children.

Your children will be fine. Just ask how everything went with them when you get home and ask what they did. If something shady did happen you'll pick up on it. :)

[Mrsjayy]

It must be very hard for you but I do think you need to trust these people not everybody who comes into contact with children want to harm them you need to remember most people do it from the heart they want you to have a break.

[Thefishewife]

Yes can I agree with pig mug it's very much alike a dance and it's about finding the right match I myself went into families were to be fair it really wasn't the right match but some families were such a good fit we used to joke I was xxxxxx seconed mum

[Thefishewife]

Op I used to do respite care and went on to foster disabled for 7 years from my experince


I thin you seem like you really need a brake so dose your child and once everyone gets yo know every one you may feel more at ease if it makes you feel any better ss were shit hot with making us recored ECt and had lots and lots of meetings ECt

[saintlyjimjams]

Oh sorry not a 3 year old I misread. Still, 10 sessions sounds a lot in this era of cuts - so is it part of education as well (in which case you wouldn't be able to swap to direct payments).

[saintlyjimjams]

You don't have to use the scheme. I've refused agency carers for ds1 (15 severely autistic) because I know they agency often sends different people and that wouldn't work.

You can ask for direct payments in lieu of services and employ your own people in the way you want.

Although ten sessions a month for a 3 year old sounds a lot - is it part of an education programme as well as respite?

[pigmug]

I have had LA respite workers for my DS with ASD in the past but it hasn't worked out. I wasn't really worried about abuse etc - DS is verbal and I knew they were fully checked etc. But they were simply not trained well enough in his SN - I've had similar feedback from other parents in the area. We had the same worker come to take him out once a week but although she was very friendly and tried her best, she just didn't understand his needs and DS didn't enjoy it. DS would have been very distressed if he had to cope with a different worker each time. I have opted instead to use our funding to pay for organised activities for him instead, as he responds much better to this and it means he can choose his activity. It doesn't really give us respite as we are the ones taking him, but it means he's doing things he actually enjoys.

I don't say this to put you off - for some families it can work very well - and if you need the respite, then you need it. But don't forget to look beyond basic safety requirements and ask questions to see whether they are right people to work with your DS. Personality is really important - some TAs working with DS have been very well qualified but just not had the right sense of humour to cope with him. You could always opt to recruit your own carers which would give you more flexibility to choose as well.

[SweetSummerSweetPea]

Hello

Unfortunately due to bad experience I would say you have every right to be cautious, and always remain so.....always no matter how comfy you get with care in the future if he moves out etc.


Having said that....once you get used to it, you will feel more relaxed, its the fear of the un known and you sort of get an idea how the child is reacting to the person too, and there is always those nanny cams.....get one. and every now and then pop it on.

Very occasionally pop back to do un announced visit and so on.

Remain vigilant and watchful. but you will be fine. enjoy your time out

[maddening]

Ps you might find that the same workers are available at the same time each week so if you keep your sessions to the same time there may be greater chance of having the same people?

[maddening]

Can you leave a mobile with your number on it in a drawer for oldest dc to call you if there are any problems - would knowing your eldest has a means to communicate with you in an emergency help? I doubt anything would happen but just for your comfort?

[Loveneverfails]

salts of the earth, I like

thanks for the reassurance guys

[Tartanpaint700]

Also just to add I'm on the receiving end of lots of training, odd supervisions and regular police checks. Lots of hoops to jump through in care work now, although like many care workers I know its a side job or second career - for me it fits round being a SAHP to my boys. One carer I know is doing an MA, another is setting up as as an acupuncturist, another a doting granny - all salt of the earth

[hollie84]

It is hard leaving your children with other people, but the risk is very small. Most people are essentially good!

[Ragglefrock]

I have heard of people getting teddy cam (its a teddy with a camera built in). Not saying it would be a good idea and I don't know about the legality - but could be an option

[pillowaddict]

I used to manage a service providing this kind of respite care and please be assured that a registered care service will screen and train staff to a safe level. For the sake of consistency for your son it would be reasonable to request a core group of staff so that you and he could build relationships with them. Makes sense for workers and for you. Also don't feel obliged to leave immediately/use whole time if it makes you feel better to pop in and out or stay in the house for the first few sessions this should be fine for workers, and may help your anxiety.

[Tartanpaint700]

I care twice a week for a child with autism. I'm just a normal mum (like many of the other carers) and have been working for my company for 10 years now. Over the years I've worked with a variety of children and I've never witnessed any abuse, just the opposite really - respectful, considerate, positive, endearing relationships. I can understand your concern but maybe you could be in the background for a few weeks until you are happy?

[Loveneverfails]

lol at becker.

My problem is I am after MARY POPPINS lol

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Err has become, not sure why iPad brought Becker into it.

[Firsttimer7259]

Sorry your scheme sounds very different to ours. Bit pants the carers keep changing. I do think these people are far more vetted than what you'd get through a regular agency. I know its hard with our children so vulnerable, but if you dont get enough breaks you wont make it.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It is totally understandable you are nervous at first. Just see how it goes and see how you feel about the carers when they come.

It's a shame it's always different people..DD's respite carer has Becker a good friend to her.

I think you may find that some lovely people arrive and you will feel less worried. That has been our experience.

[Firsttimer7259]

I know its hard - we get respite - but you need a break, try your hardest to take it. If you cant shake your feeling do a settling in period. We dropped off 4 year old non-verbal ASD dd at emergency respite care for 48 hrs the first time. I nearly said no - called two professionals I trusted and they helped me understand we desparately needed to take this break and dd would be ok in fact likely to enjoy it. We met them watched them respond to a huge meltdown, and were totally fine having seen them in action for just 15 mins. The question they asked, their reactions everything made us relax.
She goes regularly now and smiles when we pull up in car, looks settled and happy when I drop her off in front room Gives the lady kisses and giives me a huge hug when we get home again. Its saving our family. Please try it

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu to feel wary about leaving your vulnerable children in the care of someone else, I think it's totally understandable
The first time will be hard but give it time it will get easier. Take care of yourself too.

[Loveneverfails]

mumminio

are we twins

[mumminio]

I think you're being very reasonable. This is why I could never leave my little ones in the care of any individual until they were old enough to say no and tell/call me if they felt uncomfortable.

Could you have a friend or relative there to supervise, or put up web cams etc? (obviously telling the carer about them). Or have more than one child/carer present?