so should I be cooking an evening meal for dh

[oxfordmumma1]

I am self employed and my work is seasonal. Some weeks I do maybe 16 hours but than I may not work for a month.
We have 3 dc. 2 primary aged and an active toddler. I do all night wakings.
Dh works long hours. He is out from maybe 6.30 to 7pm monday to friday. I do virtually all the childcare for dc including bedtime unless out. I also do all the housework. My work is therefore effectively 7 day a week as he only down the very bare minimum weekends too. I think he washed up once in 3 weekends. Dh does garden and diy but that is all. I cook for me and dc but dh wouldn't eat what I cook I do washing up and clean kitchen than do bedtime. Also most of the club runs
In the evening he gets home and flops on sofa. He will either get a takeaway or snack in the evening. He will than leave knives, wrappers, crumbs etc on worktop. He also rarely brings glass into kitchen at night. Crockery normally makes it to kitchen but that is all.
He hasn't complained that I don't cook for him but I think mil thinks I am lazy.
I have also seen threads on here that suggest a sahm should cook a meal for her dh and lets face it for may 30 to 35 weeks of the year I am effectively a sahm.
So mumsnet jury what do you think?
Thank you

[HecatePropylaea]

Let him get on with it. If he doesn't want to eat what sounds like perfectly good food because he'd rather have junk, that's his look out.

Has he actually said that he does not want you to make enough food for him to eat and put it in the microwave for when he gets in, because he'd prefer junk?

I shudder to think of the state of his arteries, tbh.

[Itsfab]

What do you cook differently at the weekend or is he just less nobby then? .

[BlinkingHeck]

I think so. But only at the same time as you cook for the rest of the family, and leave it to be warmed up.

DH won't get in until 6-6.30 most days and it's a bit too late for the kids sometimes. So I'll do something and save DH's or he will have a Salad with ham/ egg etc. Tonight he is having a quick fix of rice (warm up in microwave), mackerel (already cooked) and peas and sweetcorn. Kids have had this already as I didn't think they'd last and it'll be 7ish tonight.

Quick prep food doesn't have to be unhealthy. Is he a fussy eater?

[oxfordmumma1]

Fat fingers. Pate and toast

[oxfordmumma1]

Normally do chicken breast at the weekend or sometimes burgers.

[Picklepest]

I usually eat with dh around 8-9. Unless I know he's going to be out then I eat with the kids. When he comes in about 7 we share cooking tidying dishwasher bins etc. if he waited for me to cook he'd get fed at 11. And I'm sorting kids before he's in.

[maras2]

Thread after bloody thread about MIL's sticking their noses in.I'm MIL to two and no way would I give an opinion on this;none of my buisness.About his not eating your food though,I think it rude and a bad example to the kids but it's his funeral.Very unhealthy eating all that crap.Invest in some extra life insurance.

[oxfordmumma1]

Mil hasn't said anything directly about this but she has made it clezr she thinks I am lazy. Said as much in fron of ds which was a big mistake as he told me!

[hamptoncourt]

I agree with Maras re making sure you have plenty of life insurance.

He is choosing to spend waste family money on this food instead of eating normal fare.

Ignore MIL.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Oh my god he would cry at what I cook. I was definitely going to say you could cook for him since you're home. Just chuck some oven food in for him. Bless

[HecatePropylaea]

ooh, don't you wish she would say something to you so you could say well, you raised a child who prefers to snack on junk than to sit down to a delicious meal.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Ps your MIL saying you're lazy is really her saying I'm ashamed my son won't eat tidy food so I'll deflect the issue/blame on to the nearest female.

[oxfordmumma1]

Tbh in a way its down to our upbringing. Mil would ask dh what he wanted. ( normally sausage and chips). My mum used to cook hearty stews etc and if you didn't eat it you went hungry. We maybe had fried potatoes once every few months if that.

[hoobypickypicky]

He's an adult working man. You're a working woman with additional responsibility as the mother of three young children.

Unless he has some kind of illness or injury we don't know about your DH is perfectly capable of cooking his own meals. He just doesn't want to.

That's fine, he can either pay someone to cook for him or he can go hungry. You just concentrate on yourself and the children. It's not your job to cook for an adult man, he's not incapable, he's not ill, he's not a child and you are not his mother!.

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Even if you cooked for him, unless you cooked pizza, he wouldn't eat it.

If he's not got a problem and you've not got a problem, don't worry about mil!

[susiedaisy]

Op IMO your dh is being bloody rude not eating the family meal. I don't understand why someone who's been at work for 12 hours a day would want chips or a snack rather than a cooked roast chicken meal that's been reheated.

[gamerchick]

Tell him you are not there to pick up after him. He's to put his own rubbish in the bin and take out and wash his glass. It's not your job to do that.

Where I work there was a bit of a todoo that the cleaner wouldn't clear away and wash cups or do the washing up etc and complained to the cleaning manager who informed them the cleaner was there to maintain a clean environment for clients to work in not to clean up after them.

It's a decent way of thinking imo.

[Davidtennantmistress]

I think so, maybe he's too tired when he gets home from the long hours, I work pt have two kids do everything at home during the week incl the dinners, hubs has his plated up if he's not in in time for it, and he will eat it when he gets in. I do this as otherwise I know full well he won't eat properly, and not being funny but when seine goes out to work at 6 am and comes in at 6 pm with only noodles or coffee by day he needs a proper dinner to come home to! On the weekends usually he will cook and we share chores.

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

David, but DH will not eat what OP cooks, which is perfectly "normal" food.

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Also - with regards to the weekends - you should both get equal leisure time so yes, he should be doing stuff at weekends.

[Joysmum]

I used to have this with DH. Never knew what time he'd be home do whether to wait and eat together or not.

I just became adept at putting up dinners that can be nuked when he came in. I'd usually do enough for 2 meals too and freeze the rest.

If your DH doesn't eat the meals you make and have put up for him, not because he doesn't like them but because he'd prefer something else, that'd come out of his money, not the family finances in this house.

[expatinscotland]

Leave him to it. The leaving wrappers and not cleaning crumbs is lazy and disrespectful.

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

My DH is similar. He doesn't like the same kind of food as me and children do. I try to cook something he'll eat a couple of times a week and the rest of the time he will sort his own food out when he gets in or if I've finished putting the children to bed we'll do it together. It's normally something fairly quick like a stir fry or pasta and if there's any leftovers he eats them the following night.