Children at a music festival

[bellarations]

Would you leave a music festival with your dc if it was raining?
This has upset me very very much but I will try to be factual because I honestly want people's opinions, am I irresponsible because I didn't want to leave?
Dc aged from 14 years to 16 months dh and I both took them.
All dc happy enough and didn't want to leave when asked.
We all looked around the stalls and enjoyed the funfair.
Then an iphone was lost and it started raining.
We sat in the car for abit because was raining hard.
When it slowed to a drizzle we went back to the festival.
Dh was an obvious misery for about 2 hours, I suggest the tent about 20 yards away. That is not acceptable.
He then demands we leave just as the band we (mostly I) had waited to see, is about to start. His reasons were it's raining and dc were cold. They had not said they were cold and when he asked them if they wanted to sit in the car they said no. He demanded they go with him telling me to come with him or get a taxi. After some heated phone calls (dd's phone) he tells me to come and get in the car or he will drag me out.
I'm very angry he is very angry we are at stalemates.
Our 16 mo was happy in my arms with a blanket and two layers of clothes AND a borrowed umbrella. Younger dc had blankets, he is telling me I'm irresponsible. I disagree. What do you think?

[feebeecat]

Well, you may not have been thinking about him when you wanted to stay, but who was he thinking about when he insisted on going, despite most being happy to stay? Did he make any effort to make the most of it?
My dh has form with this, I tend to leave him at home if he can't play nicely - was originally at this, but the message soon got through. He may sometimes still need a shove in the right (happy) direction, but essentially, if he wants to come out with us all that's great, if he's going to be a grumpy git, don't bother.
Am taking dc to first festival next month and was a bit concerned about weather, but if a 16 month old can enjoy/tolerate it, then so can my 9 yr olds - I hope. Sorry you had a crap end to your day - did you leave early? - but you have also inspired me to battle on

[PhantomTollbooth]

That should have been a four hour rain :)

[PhantomTollbooth]

I was at Latitude this weekend, four hour torrential rain for five hours on one night and rain so heavy during Albarn's encore that we were actually blinded by it :)

I saw both sides- children loving their time there in the rain and a couple of children (both boys aged about 9 ) crying because the thunder and rain scared them. One set of parents ignored their child clearly begging to be taken away (presumably because they wanted to see the end of the show) and the other parents packed up and took their kid away. I also saw very tiny babies in the crowds, in the rain and without ear defenders- clearly not happy. I won't say here what I think of such selfishness other than sometimes as a parent of tiny kids you have to accept that perhaps you will have to either get a sitter or modify your previous leisure activities until they are older....

What matters here is two things as far as I can see-

Your husbands ugly way of dealing with conflict, forcing the kids to take sides, threatening physically abusive acts (I'd like to see him try to dray you away because if he'd tried that at Latitude, the other attendees would have spoken up I am sure) and behaving like a sulky brat;

Your children's welfare. If they were happy to stay and enjoying themselves then you kind of have the upper hand when it comes to putting them first.

I guess you will either have to put up or force an ultimatum. Men like him don't change unless they have no choice but to.

[NewtRipley]

He could have got a taxi home, or sat in the car, or discussed it like an adult to reach a compromise, or just sucked it up. He's an adult.

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

He's a fuckwit!
We spent a weekend in a leaky tent in the pissing down rain, waist deep in mud and I only had one shoe and still managed to enjoy ourselves (at Galtres, 2 years ago).
Your H sounds like a spoiled child who tantrums when he doesn't get his own way, and to threaten to drag you anywhere is well out of order :(

[StarSwirl92]

I'm sorry but LTB. This behaviour will continue and get worse. Run.

[DownByTheRiverside]

Being round a few drunks or seeing their father haul their mother physically into the car whilst snarling at her? I think the latter is far more damaging.

[bellarations]

Quip. Sadly it's the latter.

[QuipFree]

It would strange to see a relationship falter over one bad outing to a music festival. Not so strange if he has form for this kind of thing.

[wheresthelight]

Assuming he was having a good time up until he lost his phone then he is acting like a 2 year old throwing his toys out of the pram.

I would call his bluff and tell him to pack a bag and leave until he can learn to speak to you with the respect your position as his wife and equal partner deserves

[splendidpup]

He is a big baby, that's all.

Lost phone, rain, not enjoying being at a festival. Fair enough, not everyone's cup of tea, he found he didn't enjoy the experience.

Ruining everyone else's day, not ok.

There's nothing at all wrong with children being out in the rain. They aren't going to shrink! It would be abnormal and poor parenting to not permit the children outside in poor weather.

Children around drunks. It's a festival. What did he expect? Just being near people drinking is not a problem, surely, why does he think it is? Well, he doesn't really, he is just trying to justify acting like an arse by pretending it was for the children's benefit.

You know he is the unreasonable one. Why do you feel the need to hear other people say it as well? Is he always like this? God save me from miserable git men, I was foolish enough to be with them in the past, never again.

[bellarations]

Thank you for your replies.
They have given me some confidence in my own mind that I was not being an irresponsible mother, as he believes.
I did try to cheer him up, he wasn't even trying.
He says I don't care about him because I knew he was having a bad time but insisted on staying. Maybe he is right about that, we just argue in circles.
I don't know how to forgive this.

[QuipFree]

He sounds a misery. Does he often sulk and force everyone else to feel miserable along with him?

The rain and the music festival are fine. Not irresponsible in the slightest. Unless they were recovering from an illness, they won't come to any harm by getting wet, or by witnessing drunken adults.

He's so emotionally immature that he can't just say to you, I feel like my day is being ruined by losing my phone, and I want to leave. At least then you could have tried to cheer him up and told him not to worry, it will be okay. He might have felt a bit better and you all could have enjoyed your day.

I take it he does this kind of stuff a lot.

[NewtRipley]

Ah OK. was just wondering if this is an issue between you.


He continues to sound unreasonable. How often do you have these confrontations?

[bellarations]

Newt - no not a drop of alcohol for either of us, the drunk comment was about other people being drunk.

[NewtRipley]

OP were you drunk?

[dawndonnaagain]

DD2 (17) got drenched at latitude this weekend. She loved it.

[NewtRipley]

This can't be the first time you've clashed like this

[bellarations]

Im using my phone so can't see who wrote what but hope this answers any questions.
I'm very upset about they way he spoke to me and told him so. I stood alone after he marched the children away taking the toddler from my arms not knowing what to do.
Yes these are he is actual words "come now or I will drag you out".
We talked about it at home he insists I'm irresponsible and doesn't want "his" children around drunk people. I didn't notice I was looking at my children. I told him I don't want to be with someone who forces me into a corner. He says fine, I get my way, let's separate.
I accepted that it was raining and was happy to get on with the evening. Is my dc had complained I would have left, (irritated yes) but they were asked, they said no they were not cold.
He said do you want to come to the car or stay with mum, they all but my ds (13 years) wanted to stay. I feel he should have said yes let go to the tent which was full of families or sit in the car. But this, this is horrid.
I need to see if others think it's wrong to keep children in the rain at a festival, they wanted to stay, they hear the band at home, they wanted to see it.

[WomanScorned]

My ex-husband would have done this. If he was not happy, he made it his mission to make sure no-one else was. He would also have waited until the exact moment the band I was waiting for came on, for maximum impact. I would then have been expected to placate the children all the way home, sort out his replacement phone, then risk being accused of 'wanting an argument' if I so much as mentioned it all once we were home.
I saw him a few days ago, 10 years after he went off in a strop and never came home or acknowledged me or our son again. He's still sulking.

Will your DH acknowledge that he's out of order?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

God, kids can cope with a bit of drizzle. Your dh is a controlling arse.

[NewtRipley]

He wanted to leave because he wasted to leave

He sulked

He made a serious accusation, a low blow

He threatened you

You are not being unreasonable

Is he often like this?

[DownByTheRiverside]

It's not really about children at a music festival though, is it?
Have you posted on the relationships boards here? A lot of helpful, suportive and wise women on there.

Presumably his threats made you get into the car and leave with him driving?

[Selks]

He'd 'drag you out'?? Bullying dick. Don't put up with this behaviour.

[Mama1980]

Goodness no! I had my 4 children aged 7months, 1, 6 and 16 at a festival this weekend, all bar my youngest got soaked dancing and slipping and sliding in the mud- they had a amazing time!

Your dh sounds unpleasant.