To think the PTA are being a bit high handed?

[nothingcomestonothing]

Today DD (aged 5, in reception) brought home a paper bag, with a typed note stuck on it saying 'please fill this bag with goodies - sweets, toys etc - for us to sell at the school fete this weekend, thanks the PTA'. Tonight I got an email from the school entitled 'cake sale' which read 'tomorrow your child will be bringing home a plate each. Please fill it and return to school by Friday for the fete, thanks the PTA'.

I'm a working lone parent to two DCs with additional needs, I haven't got the spare time to be baking cakes or the spare money to be buying cakes, sweets or whatever else to fill paper bags with. Plus I do my food shop on a Friday when I finish work earlier, and haven't got a load of stuff in to give them now anyway. AIBU to be annoyed at these pretty last minute demands? The date of the fete has been booked for weeks, with notice I could have got together some bits of sweets, or bought some cheap buns and iced them myself or something, but it'll be a PITA to get them together now and DD will be very stressed if she thinks she's supposed to bring something to school and she hasn't got it. Is this normal? DD is my eldest so I don't really know.

[NormHonal]

My DC was in Reception last year and I was bamboozled by all of the requests.

This year I syphoned off party-bag-crap from parties we attended over the year and stuffed a couple of bags! So, low cost and low hassle. But last year, big hassle.

But it sounds like it could have been worded better. Because it does tend to be the same people running these things for years as no other bugger will step up then I suppose it gets forgotten that new parents won't know what it's for etc.

[GothMummy]

Oh please dont worry! I only remember to get myself organised for these things 50% of the time. Dont stress about volunteering either. You are a lone parent, working and both your kids have additional needs, thats quite enough for one woman to manage!
When your littlest is older you can all help to run stalls etc, together with your kids that's what we do now that my daughter is 3. Dont stress!

[NobodyLivesHere]

Its pretty normal to ask for donations. Ateotd, the money raised by the PTA in these things is for YOUR child. Its a pretty thankless task being on the PTA!

[clairemum22]

I agree nancy75. It's the school and children that benefit from the PTA so why is it so disliked?

[nothingcomestonothing]

I will know next year. And I'm really not trying to put down the people who do contribute to the PTA, it's just the way the 'request' for help has come across, and at short notice. EssexGurl you're right, I need to woman up and tell them why I'm not contributing this time. DD will be in a proper tizz though, she is already confused, she came home with the bag and insisted her teacher had said it had sweets in and had to be brought back to school tonight! Maybe part of my womanning up should be to explain how DCs with additional needs might struggle if requests for help are made via the pupils in this way. Thanks for replies.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

YANBU
PTA is missing only one letter to complete its true name.
Be much easier just to ask me to contribute via dict debit.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Letter was not polite. It sounds like an instruction rather than a request.
Knowing a fete is coming up is not synonymous with expecting to have to bake cakes and fill bags with sweets. How were you meant to know what the fete plans were?
Tiresome.

[Nicknacky]

I think our pta is actually pretty low key, I couldn't even tell you who is on it and they don't try and recruit......or maybe they just avoid me.

[NobodyLivesHere]

I feel your pain on the way stuff is worded to children with ANs btw OP, i've spent much time explaining to my own 3 that its not a demand but a request. But i don't get the general anti-pta-ness from this thread, its not an easy job, I've given hours and hours of my time to help out the children of my school have things like ipads and green screen technology and various other things. A couple of cakes seems a small ask really.

[Fleurie76]

OP you're not being unreasonable. My DD is in year 1 and I am also a full time working single parent. I felt quite harassed by last minute demands when she was in reception until I spoke to other parents with children in older years and decided not to let it hassle me and just do the bits I could!
Most evenings I rarely get any time to do anything other than prepare for the next day / household chores that a cake request for the same week would just never happen particularly as I don't have anyone else in the house to help! Don't sweat it and just do what you can.

[Topseyt]

It is normal, and it is a pain in the arse.

You don't have to respond though. I gave up after the first few requests and only participated in the very occasional thing after that.

You'll be lucky though if that is the only PITA of a request you ever get. Look out for things like "dressing up days", which are even worse in my opinion. Our primary school did these far too often. Things like "come to school dressed in Tudor costume", "come dressed as a Victorian", "come dressed as your favourite film/book character", "come dressed in 1907 school uniform" (when my eldest's secondary school was celebrating its centenary in 2007). Another one is come in your non-uniform clothes if you bring a gift for the tombola/donation to charity.

You name it and they come up with it. I am now so glad that my youngest is now of secondary school age. Secondary school is generally much less in-your-face, I find. The only real problem one I had there was the 1907 school uniform request.

[diddl]

Is it not voluntary then?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

There seems to be a drive to be "creative" about fundraising. So a great deal of time and money is spent on costumes/ cake baking/ raffle donations plus the tickets that it would be easier and more cost effective to just give them the money.
Why do we need to spend £10+ on ingredients (plus the time to bake) just to sell 12 cupcakes for 50p each?

[steppemum]

Our PTA do this for the summer fair.

The letter goes home in advance and then the cups and plates on the day or two before.

The thing is everyone knows about it and expects it. But when you are new eg in reception, you may not have spotted it in the letter which also contains lots of other information.

It is pretty constant through the year too, things for a cake sale, for a christmas stall, for dress up days, for charity etc etc.

I have made a point of being vocal with the school (nicely) about notice. If you want the kids to dress up, min one weeks notice, preferably 2 weeks, etc. It is slowly changing, and every time we get a 2-3 days notice, I go into reception and say, please tell the teacher organising this that it is not enough notice. On one occasion I went up to the teacher whose name was on the letter in the playground and said I cannot get 3 children in Roman costume before Friday, 3 days notice is not enough.

So, do the ones you can, no-one expects you to do them all, do the ones dc care about, and comment every time they give you short notice.

[princessconsuelobananahammock]

I don't think anyone is truly anti PTA but when you're already trying to hold life in general together it's tough to drop extra stuff in. If people have time to be on PTAs that's great, well done. If not, please don't make the rest of us feel bad!! Most people who work full time will struggle to engage with this sort of us and we appreciate it but don't think everyone's life is the same. In my experience it's been the same people who made me feel bad about working full time who make me feel bad about stuff like this.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

I'm going to be a bit pedantic, sorry.

You are all members of the Parent Teacher Association. You qualify by having a child at the school or by being a teacher there.

What you are all talking about is the PTA committee, which consists of volunteer parents, co-opted teachers and usually a representative of the Governing Body.

The communication you've received OP is a bit blunt, but really, no-one expects everyone to contribute to everything.

For your daughters' peace of mind, I would suggest that you tell her what I have just said, find out what the next event is, and plan something that you can contribute to that.

I would guess it will be Harvest Festival. End September-ish.

[Bearbehind]

tomorrow your child will be bringing home a plate each. Please fill it and return to school by Friday for the fete, thanks the PTA

If they really didn't specify what to fill the plate with I'd be tempted to let my imagination run wild

[BloominNora]

You could always do what half the parents in our school do and dig some out of date food out of the back of the cupboard and send that in.

[BobbyJones28]

I work as a teaching assistant in a primary school, but this would annoy even me, in my head i'd tell them to f**k off!

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I was caught out innumerable times in Reception and also had an over-conscientious DD. Three years in and with another in YR, I not only make it my business to alert other mothers to probable forth-coming requests (e.g. the filled Christmas cracker) and keep a box of useful bits specifically for such demands based on experience but I am also on the circulation email of the PTA minutes, to give myself a fighting chance. Tbh, though I try to play ball, we also "own" a couple of the ideas and get stuck into it (jar filling a favourite in this house) and bypass others.

[Topseyt]

BloominNora, our primary school was wise to that and specifically stated "in-date food/produce" on their letters.

[VashtaNerada]

YANBU. This sounds far more demanding than our PTA who make polite requests for donations, but never demand or put parents in an awkward situation if they don't have the money. In fact, this thread has made me realise how lucky I am to have such a nice one, so will try to be a bit more generous next time!

[BackforGood]

It's actually very effective, and a quick reminder of something specific people can do to contribute who don't want to be (or can't) involved more fully.
If you can't, then you can't, but it's one of those things that PTAs have found to be effective in the past, and people tend to forget what it's like being a first time Reception parent and not knowing all the traditions of the school. You'll know for next time
In the meantime, just ignore it - nobody checks in you know, who sends and who doesn't.

[Fannydabbydozey]

No notice to parents is shite. When I'm working I'm really farking busy, can barely brush my teeth and clean my face. Two or three days notice to bake cakes when I've never baked before in my life IS annoying. A tersely worded note with a cup or plate would get chucked in the bin. One time we even had request for no shop bought as they had enough. Fine by me, but I'm still not baking. Sometimes these things are so last minute it beggars belief. We had a heroes day. It was sorted for my two the weekend before. The afternoon before heroes day it was changed to sodding superhero day. Suddenly King Arthur and Bellatrix leStrange didn't look so bloody clever. And I was on a shift which finished at midnight.

I love what the PTA does, it's great they do so much for the school. As a governor I do tons too. But last minute requests are really inconsiderate. and three days or even less than a full week IS last minute for me as I'm often working until really late and up really early - not all the time but usually in batches and often when I least need the hassle. There are millions of parents in the same boat. A bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss.

[BloominNora]

Topseyt - we state that too, but we still get a few out of date things. We were very grateful last year though for the 4 months out of date Bud that was donated for the bottle tombola - we stuck it in the fridge and drank it after we had cleared up