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AIBU?

to think school should give parents an emergency contact number?

97 replies

MrsMcColl · 07/07/2014 14:17

DC is on a 5-day school trip. She's in year 6. School won't give parents a number in case we need to make contact in an emergency - they say we need to go through school. But what if there's a family crisis of some kind outside the school day and we need to get in touch? Am I BU to think we should be able to get hold of them quickly? School clearly think I'm nuts. Am I?

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Picturesinthefirelight · 08/07/2014 00:13

We have to go through school. Imagine how disruptive it could be if patents were able to phone teachers on trips. You might only use the number for dire emergencies but others might not.

If a family emergency happened in the middle ofvthe night there wouldn't be much you could do anyway til the morning, even if you did have a number b

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MrsMikeDelfino · 08/07/2014 00:14

My eldest (who is in year 6 so aged 10 ) went on his first ever residential this year, which involved lots of abseiling, canoeing, potholing, and general scary activities.
He was there for a week. If I'd have had a number, I'd have been texting or ringing to make sure he was OK and enjoying himself. or not come a cropper at the top of an abseiling viaduct as my over-active imagination would have me believe
If you need to get in contact for a family emergency, the school office will be in contact and can get hold of them if need be,

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ElephantsNeverForgive · 08/07/2014 00:22

Our teachers gave out their own mobile numbers when they went to Europe, which was kind.

It was primary we got cross with. If you were going to be late or change pick up arrangements for an after school activity, there was no one in the office and the phone just rang. With a HT who did cover and a part time secretary it was as bad during the day, sometimes.

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prh47bridge · 08/07/2014 00:28

Going through school is fine, as long as it's in the school day

It is, of course, possible that the school has a redirect set up so that if you ring them out of hours it diverts to another number, either immediately or after a few rings. It is also possible that they simply haven't considered the possibility that parents may need to contact them out of school hours.

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SquigglySquid · 08/07/2014 04:51

Get a disposable cell phone and give it to her. If there's an emergency, call it.

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Springcleanish · 08/07/2014 05:05

School should definitely leave an emergency email / phone number of someone who can then call you back / contact the group for you in an emergency, just as you give your emergency contact to them. This will usually be someone at home, not on the trip, to act as 'gatekeeper'.

Ask to see their risk assessments - can't believe they've got through without an emergency contact number.

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appealtakingovermylife · 08/07/2014 05:13

Hi, I was in your shoes last week. My ds is in year 6 and went on a residential/activity holiday Monday-Friday.
The school made us fill in a detailed contact form to take with them but provided no contact details for the parents.
We did, however, receive daily texts via the school and I had checked the homepage of the place for a contact number which there was.
This was my ds third residential, year 4,5, and last week's one. We've never been given an emergency contact number.
I know I'm a worrier as my ds has asc so maybe the schools don't want us parents ringing for trivial reasons.
As it stood, he was fine, had a ball, came back filthy and happy with a suitcase full of dirty washing:)

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ljny · 08/07/2014 05:52

If a family emergency happened in the middle ofvthe night there wouldn't be much you could do anyway til the morning, even if you did have a number b

In some religions, burial takes place before the next sunset. I would prefer a child to be driven through the night rather than miss a parent's or grandparent's funeral.

Or miss the opportunity to say good-bye.

Obviously such tragedies are extremely rare. That's why we have risk assessments. And that's why it's an EMERGENCY number.

Not difficult to provide a gatekeeper number, who isn't on the trip and can't tell parents how their child is faring - but can help in the unlikely but not impossible event of a genuine emergency.

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McBear · 08/07/2014 05:54

Just seems a bit arse about face. Why would you not be given one once asked?

Are you expected no contact then for whole time away?

I'd buy a cheap mobile. If school have an issue tell them to go fuck themselves that they should have given out a contact number.

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GoblinLittleOwl · 08/07/2014 07:01

I would have thought you would be given the head's contact number for out of hours emergencies. The reason schools seem so difficult about contact numbers is because certain families disregard instructions and pester centres/ hosts for contact with their children over trivialities, and end up upsetting them. TAs also disregard rules and text certain parents/friends with information about their children, which causes anxiety when it is revealed to the others. Trust the school; they know what they are doing, and have sound reasons for these rules.

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TidyDancer · 08/07/2014 07:09

Going through the school is appropriate during the day, but I agree about having an out of hours contact. There should be some way of getting through to them outside of school hours. DS hasn't been on a residential trip yet but I wouldn't be happy without a contact number. I understand it's open to abuse but I would hope most parents would respect the intention of having a method of contact at all times.

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MrsMcColl · 08/07/2014 07:15

I'm not sure I do trust the school on this, GoblinOwl. When I spoke to them about it, it was clear that they hadn't considered the death/destruction scenario, and were all about preventing parents calling for a chat.

Springcleanish - that was exactly my thought re risk assessments. I just don't think they've thought it through. Presumably they've never had to deal with it before - but doesn't mean it'll never happen.

DD does have a basic mobile. But they weren't allowed to take mobiles on the trip. I'm fine with that, I think it's pretty sensible. And if anything were to happen, I'd want to speak to a teacher initially, not DD!

I am annoyed with how the school has responded to me on this. But am trying to get over it!

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SuburbanRhonda · 08/07/2014 07:19

I definitely wouldn't give my DC a mobile, presumably with the instruction to keep it hidden from her friends and the teachers. I consider that very irresponsible to get your child to collude with you in breaking the rules.

However, when my DCs went on their Yr6 trip, we had a phone tree, where named parents contacted the two below them, who then contacted the two bellow them, etc. This was mainly because the activity site was a 12-hour drive away, though, and ETAs were a moveable feast.

Even when DS event on DofE trips for two days, there was an emergency contact number. It seems very strange not to have one, and I would be writing to the head to suggest it for future trips.

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merrymouse · 08/07/2014 07:25

You might not talk to your child, but you would certainly want to contact staff/make arrangements to collect them before 9.00 the next morning (when presumably they would already be starting the day's activity).

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macdoodle · 08/07/2014 07:31

They must have an emergency number that's ridiculous. My yr 7 DD is going abroad, we have a home and abroad emergency number but wanted to use ONLY for death or destruction. We have a contact tree for letting us know when they arrive and ETA home. They are allowed mobiles because they acknowledge most childrenbuse them for music and cameras (and it's an 18 hr ) coach trip.I have blocked roaming abroad on my dd. I can call her but she can't call out or use wifi!

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fluffyraggies · 08/07/2014 07:37

I think our primary would give out an emergency number for the accommodation center that the children were staying at. Campsite/hostel/hotel/activity center.

The staff would expect a responsible adult to be contactable for the child 24/7, it should really work both ways.

It's easy enough to prevent an emergency number being abused. Lots of posters here ARE given a number. So it can be done.

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odyssey2001 · 08/07/2014 08:00

To be honest I don't think it is necessary. Even in the case of the death of a parent / sibling, what good does it do to wake the child in the middle of the night? It would be much better to wait until the morning when everyone (child and teachers included) are fresh and alert to handle this situation. The school could not do much in the middle of the night, especially if they are hundreds of miles away. The thing is, the probability of something like this happening a) when your child happens to be away and b) out of hours is quite slim.

To be honest, are you sure this isn't about your anxiety over them going away? Having an emergency contact number is a security blanket - you know you can get in touch if you really needed to, even though the likelihood of you needing it is very slim. Residential trips can be a very stressful and worrying time for parents, and I'm just wondering if this is more about that. Not making assumptions: just wondering.

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merrymouse · 08/07/2014 08:06

I don't think you would want to wake the child. However, I would want to be able to warn staff before the next morning when they were all e.g. setting themselves up to start raft building.

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MrsMcColl · 08/07/2014 08:09

Perhaps a bit, Odyssey. But I've already said I know it's unlikely. I liken it to insurance - no-one takes out insurance expecting the worst. But we do take it!

I have another child who is seriously ill. If something happened to her, I'd want to bring DD home. And she would want it too.

No-one knows what might happen. I'm not over-anxious about it, just stating a fact. So I think we need to know how to get in touch with the people who are looking after our children.

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Frontier · 08/07/2014 08:17

Standard practise here is to give a mobile number and leave the phone turned off! It keeps the parents quiet but realistically, whether it's switched on or not, staff are unlikely to hear/answer it while running activities.

Messages are checked FTT but there are a lot that aren't emergencies at all.

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merrymouse · 08/07/2014 08:22

I think the suggestion is that somebody not on the trip is the emergency contact - they aren't in a position to give out information but they can contact staff in an emergency.

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gamerchick · 08/07/2014 08:23

But you know where she's going. Just put a plan in place for somebody to go and fetch her if needs be.

From the tone of this thread it sounds like a sensible thing not to give numbers out.

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merrymouse · 08/07/2014 08:26

I can't help thinking that if I were a teacher I would prefer to know that one of my pupils was going to need to wait with a member of staff to be collected before we had all got on the coach/started the walk.

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Frontier · 08/07/2014 08:27

Letting a child take a mobile phone (secret or otherwise) on a residential trip is a very bad idea indeed. They cause nothing but upset, a parent does not need to know that a child who has had a fab day didn't enjoy her dinner and is feeling a bit tearful at bedtime, or that she's fallen out with her friends but will be fine in a few minutes if she just has to get on with things, but if Mum's fussing on the end of the phone could take hours to recover.

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Laundryangel · 08/07/2014 08:30

Of course they should. It isn't so much for death as for serious accidents/illness when someone was perfectly healthy when the child went away may only have hours to live and being driven through the night may make the difference between a child seeing that relative or not. I know as this happened on a school trip I was on in the L6th. The teacher set off with the pupil about 9pm and met a relative of the pupil's at a motorway services about half way. The pupil's father had been in a car crash and died the following morning.
I have also been on a trip when my Gran was seriously ill. Before we left, we'd discussed whether I'd rather be told if she had died whilst I was away or wait until I got home. At first, I opted for the latter but, after 24hours of hating not knowing if she was alive or dead, I rang my parents (from a phone box with the permission of the teacher) said I'd changed my mind and that was it. This was before mobiles and the teachers must have had some system of ringing the school morning & evening and checking in which we'd been told about. I felt relieved each time I saw the teacher and wasn't called to one side as I knew she hadn't been called and then tried to put it out of my mind for the rest of the day/night.