To not want my colleagues to dump all their child-related junk on me because my child is younger than theirs?

[cosmicstardust]

Before I start, I just want to say that I have absolutely no problem with hand-me-downs, we have had some fantastic ones so far that have no doubt saved us a fortune. However...

DD is 7 and is adopted, we've had her for a few months now. She is our only child. My colleagues with DCs are all either are in the ttc/baby stage or have teenagers/grown up children, so I am the only parent with a child-age DC IYSWIM. I wouldn't say we're friends as such, but in general we all get on.

When we first got DD, lots of our friends told us they had clothes/toys/books etc left over from when their DCs were younger, and very kindly asked if we would like them. We said that would be fantastic. Inevitably we ended up with some stuff we were never, ever going to use, but we just disposed of that and kept the stuff that was useful. Not a problem at all, and we were incredibly grateful.

One of these colleagues is currently having her house renovated. When the contractors started about a month ago she had an initial clear out and told me she had some more of her kids' old things for me. Handed over in boxes at the end of work, so I didn't have a chance to look through before I accepted it. There were some clothes in good condition, but all teenage sizes, so although potentially useful in the long run we're going to have to hold onto them for the time being. But fine, it was nice of her to think of us, plus she'd probably already given us all of her daughter's clothes the size DD is in judging by the amount of stuff she gave us last time. The rest of it was a bit hit and miss- some children's movies that DD would probably be interested in but unfortunately are on VDR, half completed coloring books, some lego (which is great, and we will be keeping), a box of dried up felt tip pens, some half-used craft stuff etc. Some of it we will be keeping, but the vast majority we will be disposing of. Either the colleague hasn't quite got the hang of what's reusable and what's not as far as her DC's old things go, or, I suspect, she just didn't sort through the boxes before she offloaded them. But fine, OK so we ended up having to dispose of most of it, but I didn't make a fuss.

The colleague has now reached the stage of her renovation project where they're having work done on their basement, which means she's had to have a massive sort through all the child-related junk she's stashed in there over the years. She told me this morning that she has loads more stuff for my DD, and she'll bring it in for me on Monday. Another colleague looked up at this point and said she's having a clear out this weekend too, she has loads of her DD's old things she wants to get rid of before she goes to college and she'll bring it on Tuesday, because otherwise I probably won't have enough room in the car Apart from anything, lord knows where they think we're going to put it all, DP and I already have a loft full of our own rubbish.

Now I know that we're incredibly fortunate to have people willing to help us out, and I'm absolutely not saying that we're too good for hand-me-downs. However, I am starting to feel as though my colleagues are thinking of me as a means of getting rid of their DC's old things easily, rather than having to sort through it all and work out what to bin, what to donate etc. AIBU to be starting to get a bit fed up of it?

[MuddlingMackem]

Ask them to sort through it first as you don't have the space to take everything. If they do then great, if they say they don't have time then say you'll just have to pass this time but you appreciate the thought.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

You just agreed that 'it's not that hard to sort through'. Now it's 'quite an ask'. That's two quite contrasting views.

I don't think they're being forced on the OP though, as others have said, she can just say no.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Hmm, ok, my first post wasn't too clear. I shouldn't have said "well exactly". If you don't think it's hard for the OP do a quick sort, then you should think it's not hard for the donors to do it.

I, personally, think sorting old stuff is a ballache.

I guess the balance of YANBU/YABU as the thread goes on will show how many are in the "ball ache" camp and how many in the "not that hard" camp!

[cosmicstardust]

They haven't been forced on me, I just need to learn to say no Have emailed the Monday colleague to say it's very kind of her, but we really don't need anything else right now. I do think it's taking advantage to offload all your crap on someone else though, especially when it's boxes and boxes' worth of useless junk.

We can't agree over whether or not to chuck out the high school sports team kit. DP reckons it could have sentimental value, I think they should have looked through the boxes first if it does! I may ask the colleague on Monday if she meant to put that stuff in there, but then would that look rude?

[MegThePeg]

In all fairness I've put stuff away thinking it's too good to bin and will find someone to give it to, then months later I find a bag and search through to realise it's total crap and in glad I didn't pass it on straight away!

I think when u have seen something everyday you don't realise how tatty it is, get used to it as such.

I'm actually going through my dirtbags room this evening(well the hallway, landing and front room as I emptied his room of everything before bedtime!) I'm trying so hard to look at stuff with a strangers eye as to see if it's junk or not... Anyone want some toys??

[SpeedwellBlue]

It does sound like they are using you as an easy way of ditching their junk. Your daughter might want to pick her own up to date clothes when she's a teenager so I wouldn't bother to keep the teen clothes either.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I don't think it's hard for the donors to do either. For me it's firmly in the 'shrug' category of life's problems. They sort it or the op sorts it or no-one sorts it .

I personally do enjoy sorting through other people's junk . I do think it's easier to get rid of other people's stuff than your own though, because there is no sentimental attachment to it.

[ApocalypseNowt]

YANBU.

This happened to me with my BIL. The final straw was when he helpfully dropped a quinny pram round despite me telling him that my parents wanted to buy us a pram as a gift.

He got the pram out of the car, I gave it a push and it wouldn't go forward....wonky/stuck wheel meant it just went at a 90degree angle and went straight into the hedge. It was also smelly and covered in old sick and gawd knows what else. The basket underneath was ripped too.

What gets me is he seemed genuinely surprised when i politely declined to take it.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I don't understand how loading up their car, driving it to work, and then loading it into your car is easier than just chucking it in a bin bag?!

I really don't think they're doing it because it's easier than putting it in the bin. They probably believe most of it is 'good'. Or can't bear to throw it away. It's unlikely to be laziness, unless you'd don't have kerb side bin collections?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

YANBU.
It's lovely to receive hand me downs, even if not all of it is to your own taste, but large volumes of loft loot are a PITA to sort through.

" oh no more! You've been so generous. It's all lovely but the house is full to the brim, how kind.....Bla bla bla"

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

"I personally do enjoy sorting through other people's junk."

Oh, Outraged, have I got the loft for you...

[CruCru]

Some people are desperate to get rid of their stuff without chucking it. You see it in charity shops - they get broken kettles and all sorts.

[Waltonswatcher1]

Charity shop the lot .
Don't even look in the boxes .
You have one child not a team of them- you don't need any of it in reality .

[WastingMyYoungYears]

Bill

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I'm secretly jealous of those 'professional organisers' on Hoarders, (which I NEVER watch, honest).

[LaBelleDameSansPatience]

"loading up their car, driving it to work, and then loading it into your car is easier than just chucking it in a bin bag" ... it really is easier, because it is so hard to throw away things that belonged to your dc and will never be needed again, signifying the end of an era ... just sort through it - or not - then bin it. It is much easier for you than it is for them. Wait until you are doing it.

[MrWalletwithMothsonboard]

Trouble is, if it genuinely is broken junk, tatty clothes etc. its not really fair to foist it onto the charity shop either. You can recycle tatty clothes but broken bits and bobs need taking to the. Tip and that takes time and petrol costs.

[TeenAndTween]

Congratulations on your adoption.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I know LaBelle and I've said as much up thread. Not being able to throw it because of sentimental attachment isn't quite the same as deliberately sending the OP junk because they're too lazy to deal with it, is it? I don't think so anyway.

[SpeedwellBlue]

I think they are too lazy to sort through it because they are sending stuff that is broken/ half used/much too small or old for Op's dd. Obviously it would be easy to bin everything, but most people would feel guilty about doing that when some stuff could be reused, so they'd need to bin the broken stuff, sort some stuff for the Scope box or take it to the charity shop. Much easier to fill their car and give it to the op who then has to do that for them

[SpeedwellBlue]

Maybe how you view it depends a bit on how big your home is. I live in a 2 bed place so a car load of bin bags would seriously get in the way until I was able to sort it and dispose of it

[cosmicstardust]

We don't pay for waste disposal but it does all have to fit in the wheelie bin, which all the boxes' worth certainly wouldn't! I've had a text back from colleague 1 saying what a shame, she has some toys her DCs really loved when they were DD's age and it seems a shame to throw them away. Am I sure I haven't got space because she really can't keep them at hers any longer

[OutragedFromLeeds]

Also on how you view the sorting process. Both now, and as a 7 year old, I'd think 'ooh let's see what we've got' and enjoy going through it. If it's a 'ballache' for you, I guess it's not what you need at the end of the day.

[cosmicstardust]

Email, sorry, not text. I don't have her number.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Text back suggesting that she contacts local play groups to see if any can be used?

But that, right there, is her not wanting to throw them out and to put emotional responsibility for them onto you.