Sorry this is long. Have NC for this to hopefully avoid being outed by family members given posts under usual name! Plus am a bit embarrassed as have been ridiculously smug about this issue in previous posts- telling other posters to do as I have done (oh, am eating those words now…)
I thought I had it all sorted. I'm almost full-term with twins (first babies). DH and I live in a different country from my parents and his parents (3 different countries). I'm due to have a C-section in two days. We thought long and hard about the issue and decided months ago that we would have more than enough to do with two new babies and that we would ask both sets of grandparents to hold off on visiting us for a few weeks until we got ourselves sorted and under control.
We explained to everybody (nicely) AGES ago that things would be very different if we all lived in the same country but that things become much more complicated when long haul flights are involved. We explained that we won't have the time or the resources to be looking after them. We live in a two-bedroom apartment so technically we do have room but we have hired a night nanny for a couple of weeks to help us both through the nights with 2 babies so the 2nd bedroom is in fact the nursery. Plus I imagine this little house is going to be utterly crazy in terms of round-the-clock care and will be totally unsuitable for visitors for at least a few weeks after Monday.
We just got a phone call from FIL this morning announcing that MIL intends to get on a plane to visit us on the 14th of June. This will mean she will be arriving to stay with us the day after we get home from hospital. Poor DH has tried to negotiate an extra week and FIL has gone off to try to put her off until the 21st. We're waiting to see if she agrees. The message we have got is that if we don't let her come she will feel as if "her son and daughter in law don't want her".
This is going to cause quite a lot of upset with my side of the family. My own mother is quite miffed that SHE was asked to postpone her visit and has been going around telling everyone at home that "she was told not to come because Moscow said she'd only be a burden". Totally untrue, but my own mother is terrifically high-maintenance and attention-seeking. My poor DF will have to deal with a gigantic tantrum if she hears MIL is staying with us: and they may very well decide that it's open season and they're getting on a plane too…
I may also be in trouble because we deliberately didn't tell my parents when the C-section was scheduled, primarily because I didn't trust them not to pull a stunt and turn up for the birth. (They think I'm due next week.) DH insisted on telling his folks the date because he assured me that they wouldn't do anything as unreasonable as jumping on a plane at short notice (he's looking a little shamefaced this morning…)
Luckily DH and I are happy and solid and able to laugh (a tad hysterically) about it- we will deal with it as it comes. I'm choosing to see the funny side, and have been telling the (still inside me) babies that they are clearly rock stars given that they have groupies who are so desperate to see them they defy all barriers!
But I did say to DH just now- what IS it about our respective sets of parents? They're all desperate to come and "help" but they won't actually help at all when they're here (we know this very well- they will need more looking after than the goddam babies) and even if they make the odd cup of tea (unlikely) a week-long visit is hardly going to be of any real "help" in the general scheme of things. They don't seem to see that the "visits" are actually ALL ABOUT THEM rather than us.
AIBU to just want a couple of weeks to ourselves to get used to this massive life change, to get a rhythm and some sort of routine sorted, (and to get myself healed after a C-section) before we have to entertain visitors?
Any advice welcome- we probably can't change the situation but advice on damage limitation/coping would be great!
AIBU?
to just want a couple of weeks in peace with my newborn babies?
moscowflyer · 07/06/2014 10:26
Congratulations on the birth of your lively babies, I am glad it worked out in the end. I love good updates 
I am so pleased to read your update! I was about to set to and write my own story (not that bad, tbh) when I realised the date of your OP and thought "Aha, I'll wait til the end" - good for your DH for telling his mother No!
I had MIL stay at mine for 7 weeks, because she'd come 10,500 miles to see her first grandchild - 2w prior and 5w after DS1 was born. She was very helpful, but also it got VERY annoying VERY quickly when she would do things with DS1 that I didn't like, such as clapping him hard on the bum. Probably an Aussie thing to bring up wind, but I really hated to see it, it jolted him so much! (I've since seen other mums do it in Australia, that's why I say it might be an Aussie thing)
What really pissed me off though was DH's attitude - he felt that I, at 40+ weeks pregnant, should be doing more to entertain his mother. He also felt that I, after having had DS1, should be doing more to entertain his mother. He was disabused of this notion VERY fucking quickly. (I don't mean wait on her, just be around and talk to her or take her out shopping 
or sightseeing or something - completely idiotic)
Congratulations on your lovely babies 
On the parents/PIL front- don't spend time worrying about this. The next few weeks are precious and you won't get them back. Just enjoy and if it gets to much be honest. It's a fantastic euphoric time for you but also for you and your DH's parents. One day hopefully you will be a GP too and I think it would be awful to think you were not wanted. Enjoy their visit and the look on all of their faces when they meet your daughters for the first time, it is priceless.
congratulations on your two babies. And hooray for your DH for standing up to his mum.
Thanks for the update OP, I have been wondering how it all worked out. I am so pleased your DH told her straight and you had your first few weeks without unwanted intrusions :)
Congratulations on your baby girls, you must be over the moon with them
Oh, I only just found this thread today and having read through it all with baited breath am so pleased to find that there's a happy ending re. your MIL!
And even more importantly, congratulations on your two lovely daughters!
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Wishing you all the best for tomorrow Moscow and DH, I hope everything goes brilliantly. Enjoy your babies and don't worry about anyone else
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