School gate mum called DD "chunky" :-(

[FiddleDeeDees]

Got talking to another mum when I went to collect DS from nursery this morning.

We both had our younger daughters with us and it turned out they were the same age (2.5).

I made some remark about thinking her daughter was older as she was so tall (she probably wasn't that tall, actually, I was just trying to find something to say).

Then the other mum looked at my DD and said: "yours is quite chunky".

I was rather taken aback and thought I'd misheard but didn't say anything as the nursery door was opened and my DD rushed in.

My DD isn't skinny but she's certainly not fat either...AIBU to feel offended by this woman, and also sad that my daughter will grow up with people saying stuff like this to her face or behind her back? Or am I being oversensitive?

[MewlingQuim]

Best to avoid all comments about physical appearance IMO.

[LilacRoses]

I love the word chunky! I love chunky babies and toddlers and was overjoyed when dd was that shape! I can't recall exactly what I've said to other parents over the years but I may have said words to the effect of "Your DD is so cuddly, chunky and gorgeous" and no one has ever looked upset. Maybe it's the way people say things. I guess if someone said it in an insulting way it would be unkind but coupled with gorgeous or scrumptious it isn't!

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

Personally I dont think chunky necessarily means fat. Some small girls have that sort of oblong shape which is "chunky" it bears no resemblance to what shape they will eventually be.

My "chunky" baby is now a tall skinny boy (we joke that he is like the cheese string man in the advert)

She probably is a bit sick of people saying how tall her child is.

[LilacRoses]

I think you might be right BlueSKy. My Dd is absolutely sick of people saying how small she is. It never bothered me but she loathes it and thinks of it as an insult. She also says "what am I supposed to say to them when they say my god you are SO small, WHY are you so small?!" She's not even that small!

[Bonsoir]

It's best not to say anything that isn't clearly complimentary about any other person's child.

[Burren]

I agree with whoever said up the thread that no descriptors other than 'adorable' or 'cute' should ever be used about anyone else's baby or toddler. Whether or not they look like cherubs who just floated in on a cloud, or a mini Frankenstein monster.

[MrsKoala]

But i think the discussion is the to some of us 'chunky' IS complimentary. I love it when people say it about DS. I don't understand why it's negative at all. It doesn't mean fat.

[Bonsoir]

Chunky can easily be misconstrued (as this thread has amply demonstrated) so is best not used.

[FragglerockAmpersand]

I don't mean to be rude, but do you have body image issues that you are projecting here? Everyone knows big chunky adorable fat babies are the loveliest things on God's green earth! I think this says a lot more about you than about the person who made the comment.

You have to be really careful you don't let your DD inherit your anxieties around body image (if this is the case).

[Floggingmolly]

If she isn't chunky; why will she grow up with people saying this to her face?

[CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss]

Someone once commented that my ds2 was "a bit chubbier and stockier than ds1 isn't he?" I just agreed with her because it's true. Thought it was a slightly odd thing to comment on but didn't think it was offensive.
DS2 isn't fat but he is really short with chubby cheeks (he's only two).

[Icelollycraving]

I wouldn't be very happy with it. I remember telling a nurse to not call my pfb baby chubby & fatty. I was seething the first time she did it,told her when she did it on the next visit. I don't care if she thought I overreacted.

[Worried22]

I get fed up of being told my dd's so tall, maybe she hears it every bloody day like I do! I don't think people should comment on appearance at all, someone always gets offended.

[steppemum]

well, I have 3 very tall dcs and someone saying 'gosh she/he is tall' was never offensive.

But I would never say a 2 year old was chunky or chubby or short or skinny or ...

because those words are all open to being offensive. I think it is because when you say about your OWN child she is so chunky, that is fine, but it isn't fine to put a label on someone else's child.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Having made a comment about her DD's appearance I expect she thought you'd not mind her making one about your DD. Fasten your seatbelt this is how it is. An innocent remark or observation can bring a sharp reply.

[miaowmix]

I think it's rude. Chunky means fat, or at least stocky. Not something you'd want your child to be, girl or boy I wouldn't have thought.

[FragglerockAmpersand]

But I'm always hearing people call babies and toddlers 'fat' as a compliment and playing with their gorgeous chunky arms and legs

It's a bit of a sorry state of affairs that we're all so terrified of a bit of flesh that even when humans are SUPPOSED to be all plump we don't like it.

[JacktheLab]

It's the kind if thing i might say without thinking then realise and have to hunt out the other mum to apologise

I bet she didn't really mean anything by it

[WolfMoon]

I don't think I'd be thrilled if someone called ME chunky, but if someone called one of my eight month old DDs chunky I'd not be remotely offended. They're babies, they're meant to be chunky for a good while longer yet.

[steppemum]

Is it just me - I don't get this 'they are meant to be chunky'

well I have 3 dcs, and none of them were. That is simply because they were long skinny rabbit shaped and not cuddly round shaped.

I always found it strange to hold someone elses solid baby that didn't fold, as mine were all legs and arms and wriggles, and folded onto your lap rather than standing solid.

There is no right or wrong, they are just different shapes, but they aren't 'meant' to be one or the other?

[Dancergirl]

I'm amazed so many people think this is ok!

Chunky is in no way comparable to be called tall. I think she was being very rude and I'm not surprised you are upset OP.

You wouldn't call an adult woman chunky so why a child?

[Beeyump]

'...sad that my daughter will grow up with people saying stuff like this to her face or behind her back?'

I think you're getting carried away here. YABabitU.

[MrsKoala]

i've been called chunky a few times as an adult. All in complimentary tones i must add, and i have taken them in the spirit that they were intended.

[Beeyump]

I wouldn't call an adult woman 'cute', but I would call a child that. Odd argument.

[Pregnantberry]

Maybe the mum was also tall and got picked on at school for it so she is concerned about the same thing happening to her DD? That happens. You never know if someone will be sensitive comments on appearance - it's a bit like how people think it's fine to call someone skinny as a complement without knowing if there is some unfortunate reason as to why they might be skinny like anorexia or some kind of illness. It's best to just not go there.