I know I'm being petty, but AIBU also to not do this person a favour?

[SumBex]

This concerns a woman whom I met through baby groups several years ago along with several other women. We had a bit of a run in at one point where she basically screamed in my DD's face after she pushed her DS over. I've never really forgiven her for this but remained civil for the sake of the wider friendship circle.

Fast forward a couple of years and our DC are in the same class at school. The friendship circle splintered a little while ago and I found out through a mutual acquaintance that she has said some things about me that aren't true to another ex-friend from the same group. All sounds pretty childish right?

Anyway, she's asked me for the details of a children's entertainer I used for DD'sbirthday party last year, but truthfully, I don't want to do her any favours. Plus we might use him again as DD has asked for the same party.

Now don't get me wrong, I know this is super petty but AIBU to not give her the details? I just don't feel like doing her any favours given our history. If IANBU how do I politely say no to her request?

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

140 odd posts for this?
Just give her the fucking number and move on.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I am also a fellow grudge holder judge away

I'm in your camp and wouldn't go out of my way to help her, she can google the information herself

[SumBex]

Unfortunately yes, we are all adults . In my defence, I did acknowledge at the start this this all comes across as very childish. We do behave like adults for the most part.

I've had the same number for years so she's probably got it from when we were friends. Maybe it's time to change it though as there's many people who have it that I no longer speak to.

I don't feel like I'm being deliberately obstructive, as I said, I think she's being lazy. She could easily find himself with minimal googling.

[Happyringo]

Just as an aside, why does she even have your mobile number if you dislike her so much? I think I would ignore the text and then if she asks say oh I have a different mobile number now, so that she won't try using it again. Really, you don't need to give people you dislike your private number!

[partialderivative]

Will you really feel better about yourself if you are deliberately obstructive about her child's party?

To use well worn a cliche; that says more about you than it does about her.

[ComposHat]

Sorry can I check, this whole scenario involves adults not a collection of spectacularly unnuanced 14 year olds?

[PrincessBabyCat]

You're being petty and passive aggressive. But you already know that.

If you don't want to give her the info, don't. But don't think you're any better than her when you do it.

[UncleT]

Tell her that the entertainer no longer works in the trade after complaints about him screaming in a child's face.

[musicalendorphins2]

I'd have no qualms over deleting the text and totally forgetting about it.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

YANBU OP. But you know it is a petty and ineffectual thing to do.

Give her the number this and save your vengeance for another, better, time.

[mimishimmi]

It's a bit petty. I'd probably tell her the number but I'd never do a childcare favour for her.

[Pigglesworth]

I think your decision not to give her the details is fine. I don't understand why others are getting worked up about you not helping her and judging you for it. It sounds like your choice not to provide the details is a liberating one for you. You're under no obligation to help someone who persistently treats you and your family badly and takes no responsibility for her behaviour. In fact doing so perpetuates her apparent attitude that her behaviour towards you is acceptable.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

her dc would benefit mainly from you doing this favour so yabu.

[SumBex]

Always, thank you.

Re the second person, I wouldn't mind doing it but actually I don't think I have the necessary skills anyway. I struggle to put my own makeup on, let alone for a shoot, plus the issue of finding child care, so I think I will decline on that basis.

[AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife]

First person - ignore text. If they ask again then consider response in regards to how you feel/what you want to say.

Second person - do you want to do it? If yes or even maybe then go for it. If you CBA/don't want to then just say sorry no can do as have the dcs.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

Seriously, the child is not going to suffer because the OP doesn't give his mother a phone number for an entertainer. Either she will pull her finger out and find the number for herself or she simply won't bother and do something else. The child is not going to be irreparably damaged and nor is the OP to blame because his mother is an unpleasant person. Some people need to get a grip and stop trying to make the OP feel bad. It isn't her that caused this situation.

[SumBex]

Caitlin, I mentioned it because she's really competitive and if we're having the 'same' party (entertainer is themed) then she will get competitive over it which I don't particularly enjoy.

Thanks everyone, this has really put it into perspective for me. As others have said and it's 'only' a number then it's no big deal if I don't google his name to find it for her.

On the other friend: do I want to go and do makeup for a photo shoot? I am not a makeup professional btw. I have my DC tomorrow so will have to find child care. They've said it's fine if I don't. But I will feel bad for saying no .

[Caitlin17]

I don't understand why you said you might be using him again - what has that got to do with it? You can't book him again because she has? I think you're being very petty. It's really not a big deal and it's a job for the entertainer. For all you know he might need it.

[Cocolepew]

See I would think she's doing as sone sort of "dance to my tune you bitch " clicking her fingers to make you do her bidding .
I do admit to overthinking things though

[sykadelic]

OP - just do what she did to you, ignore her text (or delete it).

If she can't reply to you about something as important as her verbally attacking your 2y/o, there's no need for you to reply to her text asking about a child's entertaininer.

Some of these responses are just bizarre. You aren't punishing anyone any more than you punish someone by not opening a door. You COULD do it, but you don't have to. She's not harmed by you not finding it. She's perfectly able to look for something herself.

Sorry but no. I wouldn't reply and I'd delete the text from my phone (and because I'm extra petty, block her number).

[SaucyJack]

Just ignore the text if you quite reasonably don't want to speak to her. It's the number for a party entertainer, not life-saving cancer treatment. You're under no moral obligation to engage with her.

[Janethegirl]

As I said earlier, let her google the info. Op you do not need to give her the contact details. It sounds like you've got good reason for your grudge against her. I know others will think you should be magnanimous re the other mum......life's really too short to care, you take the line that suits you.

[SumBex]

Liney, only if everyone agrees with you . My DIs is the same. We've both got the mental 'black book'. Once you are in the black book you can never get off. We even rank our grudges. I have some low ranking ones from primary school too .

Alpaca, I might have felt differently if I thought this would impact her DC significantly but I just can't see that being the case here.

[AlpacaYourThings]

Fair enough, SumBex it's your choice.

I'm very stubbornand if it was any other request I would not respond, however, as its for a child I would give her the details. But I would send a passive aggressive message with the details telling her what I thought of her

[Dubjackeen]

Fuck her. She can look it up.
**

Totally agree.
I'm sure with a bit of effort she can find it, if she wants it that badly.