to think my GP is incorrect and just a bit sexist?

[playg]

My man and I have been trying for our first baby for about 2 years now. I did get pregnant once, but I miscarried at about 7 weeks back in October.

I made an appointment with my local (male) GP to discuss our fertility problems, and my man came with me. We explained the problem (actually my partner did most of the explaining because I had to tell the GP about the miscarriage, which wasn't on his records because we were living abroad at the time, and talking about it always turns me into a blubbing mess). Anyways the GP organised two blood tests for me, for the 2nd and 21st days of my cycle. I then asked if he would be organising any tests for my partner, and the GP said "Oh no, you got pregnant once, so we know that everything's fine with him!". Bless my partner, he tried his best, and said "it could've been my one good sperm", but the GP didn't pay attention.

Am I being unreasonable to think that what the GP said is incorrect, and that getting pregnant once doesn't mean that it's unlikely the male-side doesn't have any problems?

From what I can tell by my uneducated googling, about a 1/3 of fertility problems are found to be issues on the female-side, about a 1/3 on the male-side, and a 1/3 remain unexplained. I don't care where the problems lie, I just want to find them if at all possible, and get up-duffed as soon as I can! I don't see why we'd delay testing my partner, when all it means for him is spunking in a cup, and he's perfectly happy to do so.

The GP only asked me questions, not my man. And he asked in particular about how long we'd been together, and whether we were married - for the record 8 years and no - but what relevance does that have?! So I'm thinking that he's just a bit old-fashioned and sexist.

Extra info, just in case: My cycles have always been pretty regular, and uneventful, always a day or two within 28 days long - although my periods have gradually gotten lighter and shorter the last year or so, going from 5 to 4 days. We're both 32. Neither of us have any particular health problems that we are aware of. Don't smoke, and don't drink a great deal. I've tried temping, peeing on sticks (OPK's and fertility monitor), and have gotten familiar with with my cervical mucus (fun, fun!). When we got pregnant I was exercising more than I usually would, so I've recently up'ed the exercising again in hope.

[icanneverremember]

I definitely think your other half needs testing too.

I have endometriosis and polycystic ovaries. I conceived several times but always lost the pregnancy before I got to the 5 week mark. The assumption was that it was my fertility that was "at fault".

We eventually discovered that my dh had low motility and low morphology and needed ICSI. After 5 rounds of failed treatment we went to the ARGC in London where they conducted a battery of blood tests for immune issues. With immune treatment and ICSI we eventually fell pregnant with our twins.

The upshot is that, as much as I love the NHS, I wouldn't bother with them for fertility issues. You may have all these tests and then find you're not even eligible for treatment with them (we weren't). I would definitely recommend a private referral otherwise it can be a very slow and fruitless process.

Good luck with everything. Fertility issues are so much harder than most people give credit for...x

[ikeaismylocal]

I can see the gp's logic of testing you first, I think there is more that can be done with medicine to improve female fertility. It might be worthwhile your dp followinga sperm friendly diet/lifestyle as it can't hurt!

Good luck with the testing and ttc.

[Musicaltheatremum]

Our hospitals won't accept referrals unless the man has been tested as well as a whole load of tests for the female. So I think your GP was incorrect and people with low sperm counts can get women pregnant.

[myitchybeaver]

Uninformed, not uniformed - although he may have been uniformed as I wasn't there.

[myitchybeaver]

I disagree with the majority of the responses OP. I agree with you and find your GP uniformed and sexist. There has been a huge shift in the science of fertility and the presumption that the fault lies with the woman.

Yes, the most simple and cost-effective test is to test the man first. No, evidence of one fertilization does not prove male fertility.

I thought this was 'fact' now, or have I suddenly been transported back to the 80s and nobody informed me?

Also, why on earth are so many people commenting on the OP's use of 'my man'? What a bitchy, nasty thread.

[FatalCabbage]

I think "my man" is a bit Nethuns, a bit Dolly Parton

It would have been pretty obvious in the circumstances that if you had been pg by your partner he'd have to be male, and you were using masculine pronouns.

At least it wasn't hubby

[playg]

tequila fair enough

It's a good job you don't live in Germany! (Thinking of how Frau = wife, woman, Mrs.)

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

Sorry OP I just hate it it's just my thoughts. Id also hate a man saying 'my woman' too

[playg]

madame, longtime yeah, tequila said much the same about the man thing.

I don't in real-life, and was in a quandary what to call him for the purposes of posting.

"Boyfriend" or "BF" felt too young somehow, "husband" or "DH" would be inaccurate because we're not married. And "partner" or "DP" is gender ambiguous, and I wanted to pick an immediately unambiguous name for the purpose of making the post clear to read, so plumped for a mixture of man and partner.

I know I'm a little weird getting caught up on the ambiguity thing, it would be obvious from the story, but my job means I spend a lot of time writing things in a very particular way for computers to read, and it appears to have infected my day-to-day thinking.

But am I being thick here, I don't get it? What's the beef with man? He is a man.

[slowcomputer]

It would be reasonable to ask your partner to make his own appt for time reasons but he definitely needs a semen analysis as fertility clinics won't accept referrals without one. get him to make another appt. I'm a GP BTW.

[RunnerHasbeen]

It might also be something to do with you making the appointment. It would not actually be that easy to call up your DPs notes on the spot and add some tests, he needs to make his own appointment. It depends on the system but my DH had to make his own appointments to discuss his tests. I did bloods first as the timing was more important, when I went in to discuss results, told that DH should make an appointment.

[Unsureif]

We managed a conception once and I mc. Then after another load of months it was discovered that DH has the fertility prob not me! We had to have IVF in the end. Visit a different gp and ask for him to be tested!

We now have a child from IVF and another who took us by surprise later!

[fidelineish]

I hadn't realised that if my partner had got me pregnant before it meant he had a lower chance of having fertility issues. Although surely if I got pregnant before it kind of means I have a lower chance too no? Is it just that statistically his chances lower far more than my chances?

playg what you have to remember is that your DP and his sperm only have one 'job' and that is conception. As he has already managed that once, it allays fears about male-factor infertility.

Your body on the other hand has many 'jobs' in the baby-making process, starting with conception, but then a long slog of carrying a baby to term. This is a mich bigger job, with many more things that can go wrong.

You have BOTH conceived a baby once, so there is a positive sign for both of you, but also reason to suspect that you are having trouble maintainin a pregnancy. THAT is the logical basis for the doctor's plan.

[LongTimeLurking]

YABU for keep referring to "my man".

Plus it was your appointment, your periods that have changed, etc.

get a grip.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

There's more to male fertility than motility. For instance, chromosones on the man's side can impact the likelyhood of carrying a baby to term even if you get pregnant. And our medical profession and culture does seem very focused on everything the mother can do to increase fertility while somewhat ignoring the impact of the father. But it may still have been the right call from a percentages persepective OP.

One thing to remember in the midst of all this is that stress is a big negative impact on your fertility, so try not to dwell on things you can't control and make sure your partner knows you need him to be doing everything he can to make your life easy and relaxed...

[moggle]

The thing is, if your blood tests show something's up with you and you're referred to a fertility specialist the first thing they will want is DP to be tested too. In fact they may not even see you until it is done. If your blood tests show up fine they will test DP. I can't see any situation where DP won't get tested. And a semen analysis is not exactly a bank breaking procedure.
Also saying men's fertility is less variable I'm not sure is right- obviously if there is a zero count then that is probably (not always) here to stay, however as sperm takes 3m to be produced, a poor count can often be improved fairly quickly with changes to lifestyle and diet etc. it isn't so easy to change most aspects of female fertility.
Good luck OP!!!

[Madamecastafiore]

Not sexist, it's the norm.

Calling your partner 'man' is just Bleugh though.

[eurochick]

They should test the partner even if OP's bloods are not fine - it could be issues with both of them (not uncommon).

I don't think the GP's attitude is as much sexist as ill-informed.

[playg]

salazar, your poor grandma. I know what you mean, my dad's ill at the moment, and we always have to be persistent to get information out of the doctors. All the NHS staff have been brilliant, but really busy!

dietcoke, and deux so glad it worked out for you both despite the sperm issues.

[playg]

salazar, your poor grandma. I know what you mean, my dad's ill at the moment, and we always have to be persistent to get information out of the doctors. All the NHS staff have been brilliant, but really busy!

dietcoke, and deux so glad it worked out for you both despite the sperm issues.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

It's quite obvious they will test the DP if the OP's are fine. Although how do they get egg count from blood, they'll need more tests surely?

[dietcokeandwine]

What eurochick said. You should both be tested. Yes it makes sense to start with you, and doing those bloods first is a standard thing to do, but to say he won't be testing your DP at all 'because he got you pregnant once so we know he's fine' is the most ridiculous thing to say. Ridiculous and not true - sperm issues could be a reason for your miscarriage, for example. (Equally, they may not - but until tests are done, you don't know if there's a problem or not).

GP should organise sperm tests for your DP once those initial bloods are done and certainly before referring you for any more invasive fertility testing.

(Another one here who had one child very easily but struggled to conceive a second time. We went through extensive testing and some sperm issues were identified with DH despite the fact he'd 'got me pregnant once'; we eventually had IVF and were lucky enough to be successful).

Good luck OP. Infertility is hard. I hope you get your miracle too

[ribbityribbit]

The Atlantic published this article www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/10/men-have-biological-clocks-too/280673/ earlier in the year. Although it might not be relevant to you, it talks about how fertility treatment and research tends to focus on the woman and how male infertility can be a taboo subject for doctors (and is relatively understudied) which means it is tackled much later on.

So while I wouldn't call your doctor sexist - I am sure he is proceeding in the way he thinks is best for you - I do think there is some sexism in the way that infertility is talked about and researched and that male fertility issues aren't studied as much as they should be. Anecdotally, the friends of mine who have had fertility issues have had the same treatment - the woman is investigated first and actually it doesn't make much sense because a semen test is much easier, cheaper and less invasive than lots of the tests they do on women.

[Salazar]

*salazar and all the other posters above her?

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

You're right OP the way he said it was wrong, he should have explained how it makes sense to test you first, then your partner if yours is okay.