to think working at your childs school might be a bad idea, too many eggs in one basket

[PussInBrogues]

alot of people seem to say working at your childs school is ideal
because of the hours and the holidays
i won't be working for the next few years, but am thinking towards the future

but i see some of the mums i know that do this, sort of overly invested in the school.

because it becomes their childs educators
a big part of their social life
their employers

and any upsets can be very over whelming for them

so im wondering what other people experiences are
good or bad

All really interesting!!!! Ds is going to be a pupil in the school where I teach and I'm a little nervous tbh. I think I have the option to change year groups so I don't actually teach him but I think I'll just wait and see how it goes!!

Similar to manic insomniac.

I get a good break on tuition fees, and don't pay for childcare. So right now dd is in the library doing homework, I am on mn and thinking about going to TJ Maxx for half an hour then picking her up!

Dd needs some extra parental input and there is no way I could do this if she was in a different school.

Currently she's in the equivalent of elementary, but from Sep will be in middle school with me and I will be teaching her every day once she's in 8th grade.

The plus side for me is the huge convenience of not having extra drop off and pick up times, I do get time to see her special things, if I want I can drop in and see how things are going (not often), I know who people are and what is going on.

The negatives - yes, our entire lives revolve around one place, dd's clubs are all based here etc, it's inconvenient if I don't agree with her teacher and we have to resolve something, everyone knows who I am etc.

BUT I love this school and want dd here so it works OK for now.

I think the difference can be in whether the parent has ended up in the same school as the child because there are good reasons to be in that school for both of them, or whether the parent just wants to be there to be near their child and can't separate themselves from their parental role.

Until this school, we were always in separate places, but 3 years ago I got a job at a great place, and once I was secure there I applied for dd to be in the school as I could see how much it would help her.

manicinsomniac - my DCs go to a private school where about 25% of the teaching body either have had or still have DCs at the school.

Other parents deeply resent you because:

90% off fees (it's an independent school)
I have never needed childcare, term time or holiday (school runs from 2 months old and children can be either with me or in activities until I can leave)
Term dates fit
No drop offs and pick ups

The other parents scrimp to pay fees, they dash around doing drop oiff/pick up and scramble to get childcare in holidays. You don't.

Your children's friends are also convinced your DCs have a force field around them because no teacher will dare tell your child off because you are in the staff room. Your child always wins prizes at the end of the year.

In fact that definitely happens at my DCs school.

YANBU-it is very awkward. I wrote a long response detailing why, but have deleted it gives away too much personal info. Can get very difficult though for parents, teachers and friends.

I never had any problem. I was (still am) a TA at my kid's primary school.(they are at senior school/college now). I was in my youngest son's class at one point for a whole school year. The teachers never had a problem with it and neither did DS2. At school I am Mrs jamdonut first and foremost, I am mum second. I made a point of never getting involved in any of the children's tale telling about him and he was treated exactly the same as the others in the class when it came to work and classroom discipline.

There was a bit of a difficult moment when he was being "bullied" in year 5 by some of the boys in his year group,but I let the teachers sort it out. It was hard not to say anything to them myself,even though I wanted to,but I knew that it wouldn't help matters.

He was never teased for me being staff,just for being "too clever".

I was taught by both my Mum and Dad, one at Primary one at Secondary. One was a supply teacher at Primary so often had them, the other taught me in Yr 9 and A level for the subject.

I did always know they knew stuff I did in class more than other parents but they used to turn it round on staff and ask if I wasn't here would you have told me and then dealt with it accordingly.

I never used it to my advantage - excpet maybe getting stuff taken to school for me - musical instrument mainly!!

Name calling I used to just avoid it - to be honest most of my A level class called our teacher Oi as that was my name for them!!!

Friends never seemed to have an issue, I was never bullied because of it at all, I was however one of many students in the same situation and my parents managed it well - others were treated in a special way with parents intervening too much - even we could see it was unfair as I was treated fairly and when taught was always in 'trouble' I still had the respect of others.

One of my parents was accused of being a bit over familiar with a group of girls by an inspector once and when it was pointed out one was their daughter they were shocked!

I am now a teacher and teach a lot of students whose parents work at my school - I take the attitude I talk to them if I would phone them.

The timing of this is fascinating: at my DC's children a number of parents are either TAs or lunchtime supervisors. I have never been aware of any problems. Recently, however, a mother in my DD's class has become a lunchtime supervisor. She doesn't have her child's class but, when picking up a younger child from Pre-School, I see her with a clique of girls around her in the playground from her DD's class, not the class she is supervising. Today, we noticed she was going into the class, apparently as a sort of TA (we noticed the TA was missing). I immediately complained (verbally to the HT in the playground and I have followed up with an email to which I am waiting a response though it was writtenm close to the end of the school day). She is manipulative, two-faced, devisive and plays favourites and I have no desire for her preferences to be played out in the classroom. Although I have no problems with the teacher and other TA, she invited them both to her recent 40th party, so I would question whether there is the appropriate distance/accountability. I was not the only person to complain and I am not a habitual complainer, so I hope it will be taken seriously.

I think those moaning that the school is full of other children's parents are being a bit cheeky- realistically, who else would want to work the minimum wage and be a lunchtime assistant for say 1 or 2 hours a day? The hours and pay of a lot of these jobs mean that they are often staffed by people who live close and mums who need to work school hours. I think in the main it's just fine.

I think there is a big difference between someone employed by the school as a lunchtime supervisor or a TA even, and someone who is a teacher.

Slightly different perspective but an acquaintance of mine is a TA in my sons class. I hate it and would love to ask him not to be in her class but it would have too many implications. The reason is this person is indiscrete in every possible way. She is a friend of a friend who regularly reports back what comments she has made about children in my sons class and repeats less than savoury comments made by teachers in the staff room re the children and parents.

I can see working at the same school as your child may be a conflict of interest. I have certainly heard some things about the running of the school through this woman that I would rather have not known. The fact that you maybe put in a difficult situation by what you learn at the school is something to consider and then what you do about it.

I work as a Mealtime Supervisory Assistant, basically a playground referee, in my DD's school and have done since she was 7, it hasn't been a problem. I talked to DD about it before I started and made it very clear that I wasn't mum when I was at work and she should get on with her lunchtime as normal.

We did agree that she should go to one of the other MSA's whenever possible if she was having problems to avoid accusations of favoritism.

I wouldn't want to work in the same class in close proximity though.

I think the over-investment thing would happen to me, when I was unexpectedly made redundant DS was in Yr 1 and I started volunteering to help in the classroom, and also went on the PTA. DS was having a few problems that year with diagnosis for SNs and bullying, so I was also in and out a lot talking to teachers and SENCO. I was definitely over invested at that point and had to back away. I continued to help out, but not as frequently or regularly, and got a job elsewhere which helped me regain some perspective.

There are a lot of staff who are parents at the school though and a lot of overlap of staff into the community (not so much the class teachers) and I've never heard of any problems. However none of the class teachers have children there, just several part-time subject specialists, cover teachers and lunchtime staff. None of the TAs have children there. There are three children in DS's class with part time (not class) teachers as parents, the children don't seem to have any difficulty switching between Mrs X (teacher) / John's mum / Emma (mum's friend) / Brown Owl who are all the same person.

manwithnoname - am I supposed to feel bad about that? I picked my career around what would make our lives easier/better/workable. So shoot me!

I don't resent the large number of parents at the school who have a supportive partner, huge salary, beautiful house, trust funds for their children or any other number of positive life benefits. Why resent me for providing my children with an opportunity I couldn't hope to have earned for them working in another field?

And nobody wins prizes in our school except for the oldest year - and they all win one. So no secret bonus there.

Sorry if I've read you wrong but your post felt like a bit of a random, unasked for attack.

Manic, don't worry about it. That description bears no resemblance to my school, even though I teach and dd attends a private school. Like you, I work hard in my job and am proud of my achievements. If I didn't teach I could earn more money in the private sector, so any breaks I get seem part of the package.

We teach overseas so dd1 has both dh and I in her school. When she was in reception ( I also taught reception, but a different class) it was good as we were all suffering from culture shock and I could see her at lunchtime / playtime, talk to her and meet her friends.
She knows all the teachers as we socialize with them.
She has never known anything different, but at 8 I would say she likes having us around. We have the same holidays and we all go to school and home together

Manic, that doesn't describe my school either. Maybe ManWith resents you, but I don't think that is the norm. We all have our own priorities regardless of the field you work in.

thanks for al;l views

i have a feeling this is not going to be ideal for me
as i think i will feel overly invested
shall think it over

I am a TA in a primary school,which my DD and DS2 attended ( they are both in secondary now). At no time did they feel uncomfortable with me working there or get any grief off of other children. They never got any "special treatment" for being the children of a member of staff,nor did I treat them any differently to the other children if I was in their class for any reason. They understood this was my job.When my son was in year 2 ,I was the TA in his class. It was never a problem - the class teacher would deal with any misdemeanours ( which were very few) and I never let myself get drawn in by other children's tale-telling about him.

The perks were getting school holidays together and being able to see all assemblies/plays/performances/presentations/sports days that they were involved in.

The school still has several children of staff members there now. It is not a problem,and there is no reason that it should be.

When I was at secondary school,the daughter of my A level history teacher was in the same set as me and was therefore taught by him. I never noticed any favouritism going on!

I don't think it is anything new and is only a problem if you make it into one.

I worked for a while in DS's school and I'd say it could go either way ... either you all feel a lovely part of the community together, or if there are problems then these are exacerbated.

In future/ or in retrospect I'd rather keep things as having a lovely parental relationship with my DCs school - at a push helping out on a few cake stalls , rather than risk rocking that boat with all the additional challenges of being an employee as well.

When I was in high school, l I had a friend who was taught by her older brother. She would complain about it, but I don't think there were any real problems.

I do think it's worth noting that the majority of people who don't have a problem with it are coming from a parent/teacher point of view, and those who have had negative experiences are largely those who have been the child/pupil in that situation.

Of course, as I said, there are no guarantees that you will encounter any of the issues mentioned, but if you do go ahead then it might be worth referring to the negatives from this thread and being forearmed to prevent them becoming issues.

I'm the child of teachers and I hated it at junior school where my mum was a teacher. I was afraid to put a foot wrong in case a teacher told my mum. DH was in the same position and also resented it.

I am a teacher and would never have taught at the same school my DSs attended. Not fair on them.

Being a teacher's kid is hard enough, having that parent at the same school is very unfair.

My only experience of this is my friend's mum working as an assistant in our school. She waded in to everything. The most trivial stuff. But because my friend told her everything. If someone was in the tiniest bit mean to my friend, her mum would have the culprit apologise! From what I remember, my friend didn't seem to mind and we would have to say hello to her every lunchtime and hang about for ages.

Why do you feel being the child of teachers is hard even if they aren't at the same school Morgause?