to not want DH to have the snip

[Hadeda]

That's it really.

We have two DDs and we don't plan to have more DC. DH is 100% against a third child. I would very much have liked another baby, but now that DD2 is nearly 5 and life has moved on in some ways (career wise for me especially) I know it's not going to happen.
So this is not about planning to have another baby.

But....

I don't know why but I really really don't want him to have it. It's booked for next Friday. He only booked it after I said I thought I was ready. But I'm really not. I can't give a good reason, but it makes me very very upset whenever I think about it.

Bad reasons I've come up with against it are:

• we have contraception that works (I have the coil) so we don't need to do this. Response: this takes away the possibility of an "oops" more thoroughly than the coil.
  
• the snip can have nasty side effects, what if that happens to you. Response: it's being done by a professional, and the side effects don't affect many people. So yes there is a risk but it's one I have weighed up and am comfortable with.
  
• what if you do decide you want another child. Response: I don't. Ever.
  
• you're only 38, what if things change and you do want a child in the future (e.g. if something happens to me). Response: I have two beautiful DDs, and nothing is going to happen to you so don't be silly. And if it did I'd have my hands full dealing with that.
  
• what if something happens to one of the DDs [I know, I was rather desperate there]. Response: again, don't be silly. And if it did I'd have my hands full dealing with that.
  

So I know he is being logical and I am not. And I know it's his body and he can make choices about what he does or doesn't do with it.

But....

Ultimately I know IABU. So do I deserve an AIBU flaming...? Or is there a reason for this very big BUT that I can't get away from ?

[Hadeda]

Thanks all, and for not ripping into me!

I think the idea of the door not just closed but glued shut is probably what is really troubling me. The finality. The fact we can't go back. (I know technically you can but the doctor made clear to DH that if you're thinking about reversing it you shouldn't be having it.)

I know it's his decision and I know I need to respect that. And I know that a number 3 is not going to happen.
But even sitting here at work this is making me feel very upset.

[CheshireSplat]

Hi OP

I completely understand how you are thinking. I'm pregnant with DC2 and don't want any more. I'm thinking about long-term contraception and the snip is an obvious option.

However, the two things that are putting me off are two of the thoughts you put down. 1) what if one of our DCs dies and I want another? 2) and what if I die, DH meets someone else and wants children with her? Morbid, aren't I??!!

[Hadeda]

Sorry, pause for sniffing there - not the done thing to be found snuffling into your salad at work!

I guess I must be harbouring some secret notion of a "maybe baby". Even though my conscious brain knows it won't happen.
And since it won't happen I do just need to get over it. We are so lucky that we have two lovely DD2s, and life is so much easier now they are older.
But that doesn't make this easier.

I think I'll have to hide from the world next week when it's done. (Other than offering the obvious sympathetic tea and biscuit to DH.)

[cakeymccakington]

Well.

I have the solution

Ds4 was born yesterday. At the end of it I was threatening dp with violence if he didn't keep the appt