AIBU to be annoyed that friend invited herself out for lunch with us?

[chesterberry]

Just to set the scene I am visiting my family in the place I grew up and so have been arranging to catch up with friends. My phone has been broken and so I have been using facebook for this.

Last week I arranged to see a very good friend (friend A) who I have not seen for months. I have a DD (8mo) and she has no children, we arranged to meet at a 'naice' tea rooms for lunch. Obviously some of my attention will need to be directed to my daughter but she is usually quite good and I'm expecting her to take her nap. We'll be able to have adult conversation.

Anyway, Friend A posted on my facebook wall something along the lines of, 'See you at Naice Cafe tomorrow at 12.' Another friend, Friend B, saw it and commented, 'Hey, hope it's okay if I come along too. Would be really nice to do something with DD1(3) and DD2(7) today.' Friend A sees Friend B quite regularly and I have also seen Friend B quite regularly, her DD1 is my god daughter, I have a lovely relationship with both girls and her children adore my DD. In normal circumstances I would love to spend the day with them, however having two young but aware children will mean that almost all adult conversation over lunch is a no no. I also foresee that once we have eaten they will start to get bored and so we will probably end up drawing the outing to a close pretty early.

We have the sort of group of friends where it is quite common for meetings and arrangements to be made amongst a couple of people and then an open invite to be given for anybody else to join in, although that wasn't the case here. Saying no to friend wasn't really an option without upsetting her so she is coming and I'm sure we'll have a nice time, but AIBU to feel annoyed that she invited herself knowing Friend A and I haven't seen each other in months and knowing bring DC would change the dynamic of the afternoon?

[Bunbaker]

Unfortunately our aged relatives a) Don't have computers b) Don't have mobile phones c) Wouldn't know how to use them if they did.

[Burmahere]

I have an 80 year old father who is a dab hand on the old email! We rarely speak on the phone bless him and he can text at a push !

[Bunbaker]

"Laughing at the idea of using a landline to arrange meet-ups these days."

We still use ours a lot, but I am probably a different generation to you, and OH and I have elderly relatives where the old fashioned telephone is their lifeline. Lucky you not to have elderly dependent relatives.

[chesterberry]

At home I have a landline connection for internet but no phone to use it. My parents who I'm staying with do have a land line but if any of my friends have land line numbers I don't know them. I arrange everything over text or facebook, usually without problem!

diddl I don't think Friend A wanted Friend B to come along particularly. We are all friends (although Friends A and B have fallen out in the past and their friendship can be a little turbulent at times as they have very different opinions on some things, but they both choose to see each other regularly and independently of anybody else) and so she was happy enough for her to be there but Friend A didn't realise she was writing on my wall and thought she was sending a private message so don't think she was hoping for Friend B to invite herself.

I suppose Friend B is a little self-centred when it comes to socialising, she is the type of friend who when we were younger and having house parties would turn up at one in her car, stay for an hour or so and then take a car full of people away from the party and back to hers with promises of free alcohol and comfy beds. A cause of massive frustration with some of us as she'd kind of break the party up. She's lovely in many ways and very generous but thinking about it she does have form for engineering other people's plans to suit her. Although on this occasion it worked out fine and when she had to be heading back she said her goodbyes and was happy to leave Friend A and I to have the rest of the afternoon together.

[Littledidsheknow]

Understandable that you're a little miffed, but there's nothing else for it but to make another, more private, arrangement with friend A later on. Friend B must have assumed normal arrangements applied. I dont really get all this everything posted publicly on fb... I must be getting old!

[Burmahere]

My landline is buried under a pile of dust! Never use it to arrange meetups - text or email - you do all the talking when you meet up obviously!

I totally understand wanting time away from children and glad it went well in the end. It completely changes the dynamics of a meet-up if you need to be careful of what you say and then you also can't sit there for 3 hours drinking catching up !

[Gruntfuttock]

Loki I have only got a landline.

[diddl]

OP put that they had pm'd & then friend had put it on her wall.

[BackforGood]

Why Loki ? Sounds sensible to me. We use our landline for lots of calls. That's what it's there for.

[LokiTheCynicalCat]

Laughing at the idea of using a landline to arrange meet-ups these days.

Everyone knows they're only for PPI claim companies or "Dave" from "Microsoft" to ring up in the middle of the day when you have better things to be doing and try and spoil your lunch/dinner/baby's nap time.

[Bunbaker]

Do you and your friends no longer use a landline any more? Could you not have arranged this meeting that way?

[diddl]

Glad it went well.

Another time though think about saying no to someone who has invited themselves & make a seperate arrangement with them if you want.

Is it possible friend A was hoping that B would come along as well?

B sounds very self centred.

She knew that you & A hadn't seen each other for a while but butted in as she needs her friends atm?

[kelda]

Glad it went well in the end.

[Bowlersarm]

Nice update OP.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Was reading this for the first time and just thinking up tactics OP and then read update so see it's all sorted. Glad it worked out.

Sorry emms you don't sound very chipper do you need a thread of your own to vent?

[chesterberry]

Belated update (problems with my internet) but just wanted to update and say that for the most part lunch was lovely. Friend B was running about 20 minutes late (not unusual for her) but that did give Friend A and I a chance for a bit of a chat!

I did feel a little guilty about my annoyance as on arrival Friend B kept saying she hoped we didn't mind she was there as she knew Friend A and I hadn't seen each other in ages but she and her DP were having some problems and she needed some friend time. Her DC weren't initially impressed by the menu (no chips!) but other than that lunch was lovely (and they did enjoy their baked potatoes). For me it was actually helpful for me to have Friend B's eldest DD there to entertain my DD and keep her happy in the high chair!

We did afterwards go a local park, my DD fell asleep and friend's DC were off happily playing so the three of us had time to actually discuss the finer details of our lives away from little ears. Friend B then took her DC home and Friend A and I went for a look around the shops and a coffee so we got some time together as well.

All in all it was a lovely afternoon and I feel silly for ever being annoyed about it now!

[Pigletin]

Stop using facebook, get a new phone

But why? Some people's suggestions really baffle me. You must really not like people emms...

[Mintyy]

Ah don't you have any friends emms1981? - can't think why .

[PoirotsMoustache]

People need to stop telling the OP she should have used PM and not posted on a wall - she DID use PM; it was her friend who posted on her wall!!!

[emms1981]

Stop using facebook, get a new phone and be glad you have friends,some I'd us don't have any

[kelda]

This is why I keep my FB wall closed to anyone else posting on it.

[Lilaclily]

How's lunch going op?

[differentnameforthis]

I think YABU. If you wanted it kept private, that is what PM on fb is for.

[WeAreEternal]

If she is really that good of a friend you should be able to say "Sorry B, A and I were planning a lunch for just the two of us to have a good catch up as we haven't seem each other in ages, we could arrange a meet up with all the DCs another day"

I don't see why she would be upset or offended by it since she was inviting herself anyway.