To feel unable to deal with mentally ill partner?

[Chocoholism]

Now that I have young baby I can't handle my partners mental illness. It's the longest story ever regarding his health but he's mostly ok no just finds it extremely hard to function out In the world and I need him now more than ever to be able to do so, he doesn't work but we don't get any benefit as I work but now on mat leave obv things are very tight but he has depression, anxiety, social anxiety, ocd and I've been with him so long and could help him before but now when he has down times I can't cope and just get upset by it. I want so much to be right for my baby, want her to have good role models as parents etc. I wish I had someone to talk to about it but I don't, my friends don't understand at all and I'm not close to family In that way.
I don't know anyone who knows what it's like living with someone with mental health issues.
Sorry for rant, just having a sleep deprived bad morning!

[wouldbemedic]

Having a baby is a time of huge adjustment for both of you. It's not uncommon for new dads to feel utterly overwhelmed and anxious. The baby changes the dynamics of the relationship, sometimes making it seem as if there isn't enough love to go around. That's normal and isn't to do with your partner's anxiety. It's best not to make any big decisions with a young baby. It's a time to hang in there and be supportive of each other. You seem to be feeling like battening down the hatches and getting rid of anything that distracts your attention from the baby, which is completely understandable. You need to be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself. If you need to, tell your partner clearly what he can do to help you. It sounds like you're both really suffering. I wouldn't draw away from him as it's likely to be counter-productive. Ultimately, if your partner was doing well before, he can achieve that level of functioning again. But a baby may not help him to achieve anything that he wasn't already achieving for himself, before the baby arrived. Urge your partner to draw on every single element of his support system that isn't you, and perhaps consider referring yourself to Home Start if you feel you could use some support. Congratulations

[whatsonyourplate]

Your gp should be able to advise you of local support groups for carers, although sadly you may find they have suffered with budget cuts recently. Also your dh should investigate applying for DLA. You can get assistance filling in the forms from CAB which can be helpful.

[NurseyWursey]

YANBU at all and I say that as a person suffering from mental illness, and I rely heavily on my partner.

You have stuck by him all this time and now you have a baby BOTH of your priorities need to change.

You can't help him unless he's willing to help himself. I know firsthand how incredibly hard it can be but if you want to get better you have to go get that help and USE USE USE it.

If I were like your DP, I would fully expect my DP to leave me because it can be absolutely emotionally draining on the partner of someone with mental illness, in fact some people develop their own mental illness.

I couldn't live without meds. I really couldn't. For the sake of your family he should at least try to give them another go. I had bad experiences on them too, for the first two weeks they make me feel like I'm going to die because I can't move, feel very sick, can barely lift my head up. But then my body gets used to them and they start working.. bit by bit. It just takes time but it's worth it.

I think you could do with saying to him that he needs to seek help, and try again for the sake of your relationship and family. He may have gotten so used to being stuck like that that it doesn't occur to him.

Good luck and remember there's only so much you can do or take

[hunreeeal]

There are various different medications that can be tried. Could he talk through with his GP about the previous reaction, and ask to try something else which doesn't have those effects?

Sometimes medication helps more than talking therapies, sometimes the other way round, sometimes a combination of both.

[Marylou62]

Just when I am thinking of leaving MN because of some of the nastiness I have read...along come you lot with your amazing heartfelt support for OP. My good friends lovely kind DH has had some terrible episodes and I remember once her saying that if he had any other illness apart from MH, at least people would ask/talk to her about it. I can't add to anything these kind posters have said OP..just Good Luck with getting the support you need.

[Panadbois]

Bum, my first message disappeared.

Please consider support groups like Crossroads and Carer's Outreach.

If you live in Wales, Hafal can carry out a carers assesment on you, I would imagine if you live elsewhere, Rethink could do the same and offer you some support, tailored to your needs.