to ask you what you think makes a person popular?

[cheeseandfickle]

Inspired by the clique thread, but I thought I'd start another thread rather than hijacking the other one!

What do you think makes someone popular? Do you think there is always a reason why someone is more popular or do you think that sometimes it is just one of those things?

There's a difference between popularity and being liked.

Some people are popular and well liked.
Some people are well liked but not who you'd think of as popular.
Some people aren't well liked but somehow pull off popular.

Think it depends who it is that your popular with. I work with the general public and I'm quite popular amongst the people I see regularly and I think this is because I try to be friendly and a bit jokey but I was never ever very popular when going out and meeting people, it was always my outgoing, pretty friend who attracted all attentions from males and females. At baby groups i think I'm the one who breaks the ice but no one particularly ever comes to talk to me.

Fun to be around, not needy or endlessly serious. Someone who when you see them you find yourself smiling and are drawn to them.

Popular people seem to sweep you along in whatever wave they are riding, they are generally enthusiastic and optimistic people.

To me, the previously mentioned being thin, well dressed, pretty, remember birthdays etc don't draw me to a person - popular people can be any size, dress in any way and various levels of attractiveness - it's an inclusive feeling that they seem to radiate that draws people to them imo.

I Think to be popular you need to be sociable and initiate social group events and also one to one meets. Generally keep up with people and not just wait to be asked.

Also not being tied by too many family or work commitments is going to help. Not the kind of person who always goes home early or cancels at the last minute.

You don't necessarily need to be attractive, although I think this helped back in school days. But you do need to have something interesting to say and be good at listening. Also you need to have lived in a place, or been in a work place long enough to actually get to know people well.

Agree with Glitterfeet.

The most 'popular' woman at my work is actually a nasty bully. Everyone is totally up her arse because it's preferable to being on the receiving end.

There's a variety of types of popularity. It depends so much on context, the other people in the group etc. Some people may be very popular in one place but not in another.

Popular types I have known...

Bullies

At school the "popular" people were often the most badly-behaved, spiteful ones who had a crowd of followers. The nice, quiet, studious people were the ones who got bullied for being "square" and were less likely to be particularly popular.

Charmers

The ones who know how to put on the charm, even if it's not sincere. Usually physically attractive. May fit the following description:

1. They know how to make others feel good in order to get what they want. They'll appear oh-so-charming to most people, but if they meet a possible competitor they'll cut them out and undermine them behind their back. They often get away with it.

2. You can spot them by the wide smile they flash at people... it disappears immediately once the other person has walked past, instead of fading gradually as a real smile would.

Charismatic Leaders

May be genuinely inspirational, honest, innovative etc. and able to direct forward a great idea, product, philosophy etc. Popular because they really are capable, likeable, reliable, someone people aspire to be like.

But some charismatic leaders (televangelists, fundamentalists, politicians) may be popular purely because they're believable, regardless of the unpalatability of their actual message.

Includers

Someone who puts other people at their ease, isn't cliquey, makes people feel good about themselves by taking a genuine interest in others.

Glitterfeet beat me to it with the distinction between being "popular" and "well liked".

Some "popular" people I know are really unpleasant but others are somehow a bit scared of them and want to be onside for some unknown reason.

Really well liked people I have known have had the ability to make you feel like you're the most important person in the room and appear genuinely interested in your life.

Being easy company, not hard work. Knowing how to have a laugh, when to be considerate or tactful but mainly not banging on or whingeing or criticising. They are confident and don't give others a hard time.

The people I know who are very short on friends tend to be very judgemental of others and go on about their own problems with no concern for the needs of people around them. Some of them are actually very funny, kind, intelligent people, but they're just hard work, so most people don't bother with them.

What's wrong with being serious or not particularly open? Some people are reserved and not hugely bubbly. I agree "good for a laugh" gets popularity votes but there has to be something a bit more than that for a decent friendship I think.

I'm with you hunreeeal. I've become very aware & wary of the charmer types. It's made me retreat a little which probably comes across as off but at least I'm being genuine - I think.

Wish I knew - I get totally ignored on here < sad face >

but I'd say it's being witty, kind, fairly intelligent, fairly attractive, good hygiene, generous, upbeat & positive attitude.

There's nothing wrong with being serious or not open hun. But it does make it harder to make friends.

Can't believe people are saying being thin / attractive etc. the most popular person I know is pretty but not beautiful and certainly not thin

I think a lot of it's being dead blasé and not that arsed about being popular, just draws people in. and even being a bit flaky.

Also Agree being popular in itself makes you more popular

Popular people are generally outgoing and make an effort to organise social events and make an effort to attend events others have organised. they are fun to be around.

Popular people normally have good self confidence. They make you feel good too and show they are interested in you and enjoy hanging out with you.

Well, that describes the people I see around me who you might describe as 'popular'.

The people around me who are a pain in the neck are self absorbed and like to talk about their problems (who wants to talk about that yet AGAIN on yet another night out). They lack self confidence so take things as a slight where none was meant. People who are tight also aren't generally popular, no one likes a mean person.

Basically what monica said.

it's an inclusive feeling that they seem to radiate that draws people to them imo

I have a work colleague who is incredibly popular. Most other colleagues are always desperate to hang on her every word and follow her around like sheep. I can't stand her. She's loud, self absorbed, rude and overbearing. She constantly interrupts conversations and makes everything about HER. Her appeal is entirely lost on me but it seems I'm in the minority.

A bit silly in a fun way
Doesn't take themselves in the least bit seriously
Tactful, thoughtful
Authentic

Not necessarily:
Charming in a fakey fakey way
A leader bossy, overbearing
A people person full of their own self-importance

Waves to shakethetree

Also waving at shakethetree!

Genuineness
Humour
Empathy
Ability to listen without interject about self
Doesn't get drawn in gossip

There's nothing wrong with being serious or not open hun. But it does make it harder to make friends.

Ah well, that's OK No point trying to be something I'm not! I do tend to have fewer friends than some people. But I tried changing to "fit in" and all you end up with is people who don't like the real you.

I think being a positive person helps. My daughter is very popular - everyone seems to know her and wave or beg for play dates... I don't know why as it started back in pre-k when she wouldn't talk or play with anyone... But now she is happy, cheerful, friendly and kind to everyone. She never says unkind things and tries to help people. She is smart, but patient with people who need more time. I think the main difference between her and my son, who struggles to make friends, is that she has a gentle and non threatening attitude while he is a bit pessimistic, can be rude to people and is a bit over confident and loud.

The littles is very cheerful too and so far seems popular - so being a happy person seems something to do with it.

Someone who makes others feel good about themselves or supported by remembering what is going on in their lives and showing interest in them.

Someone who is good at keeping in contact and arranges to see/speak to people.

Someone who is optimistic and positive about life.

Someone who likes themselves and is happy with who they are.

Optimistic, 'glass half-full'
Not hung up on 'he said she said' &/or I want to do this but what if 'people' say this or that
Friendly with a sense of humour
Not predisposed to moany dooming & glooming

I think flyingspeghettimonster has it : happy, cheerful, friendly and kind to everyone.