AIBU To twant a break from dogs some day.

[FlockOfTwats]

I love dogs. I truely do. And i have one, And i love him and would never part with him. I have been around dogs all my life.

BUT I have never had to be home so much with one (Previously they were mums dogs, and when i was a single parent living on my own my dog went to my mums sometimes if i was working etc so i got a break).

I just can't take it anymore. The mouth noises drive me up the wall. I want the scream and break things every time i hear it. I smashed my laptop up over it once. Literally. Its behind the TV with a smashed up screen and the harddrive files are all unsalvagable. (Yes i know i have a problem with noises) The smells. The hair. Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME. Snaffling food off the floor if the kids drop some. Staring at people for food as though i starve him.

It just feels suffocating.

As i said i would never part with him. He is getting on a bit (He's 7, lab x ridgeback). But when he does pass i don't want another.

OH wants to have a St Bernard. "For the kids to grow up with" my arse. He would buy one tomorrow if we could afford it (He's not like, planning for Bs death or anything he's wanted one for ages).

AIBU To say absolutely not, i want a break. Ive had dogs dogs and more dogs for 24 years now. My mum had lots of dogs when i was little. I don't ever remember having less than 3 dogs growing up.

I might want another one day, But definitely not now, not if we had all the money in the world. We have one dog. I don't want another and even when he is no longer with us, not then either.

[FlockOfTwats]

Logg - I asked if i was being unreasonable to say no MORE dogs because i want a good few years break from having any.

I didn't ask if i should rehome the one i have. I agreed to having him. So i have to find a way to fix my problem dont i. But not for another dog.

[FlockOfTwats]

ever its not the dog its noise. ITs not just the dogs noise either. I cant escape all of the noises. I agreed to this so im not just going to shove him off. IVe done the 3 years ive had him i can do a few more. I just dont want any more.

[Logg1e]

No, you didn't ask, but people are saying you should regime anyway. You are breaking furniture. You are self harming. This isn't good for you or those who share a home with you. You don't have to continue like this until the dog dies.

[FlockOfTwats]

Ive done it this long i can do it a bit longer. I can. And if the doctors im seeing can help then great.

But not another dog. The thought of another makes me want to leave. But OH isnt taking me seriously.

[Allergictoironing]

Hey Flock (waves at fellow Vaper). Have you tried giving your DH full and absolute responsibility for the dog for a couple of days, say at the weekend? I mean everything - walking, feeding, poo picking, vacuuming up shed hair, washing mud off feet, putting down disinfectant where he's been peeing, letting him in & out for peeing, cleaning muddy footprints off the carpet, mopping up slobber etc. If you're feeling you really want to make a point, feed the dog with something you know won't harm him but induces mild "softening" iyswim.

There's a reasonable chance that he plain doesn't realise the effort that goes into owning a dog. And an StB of all breeds? StB are lovely family dogs but do tend to slobber an awful lot and be a fair amount of work, and can be very demanding for attention/love. They are also bloody heavy when they decide they want a cuddle & plonk themselves down on your lap!

If that fails, you'll just have to tell him a flat no. And don't believe him if he promises to look after it himself or make the children look after it - you know perfectly well it will be yours and yours alone to care for (apart from the occasional walks or brushing) after about a month.

[thepurplepenguin]

You're getting a ridiculously hard time here OP.

I have noise issues (although specifically anxiety-related) and can totally see where you're coming from. Have thrown stuff on more than one occasion.

You sound like a very responsible and caring pet-owner, just don't make yourself into a martyr. Your well-being is hugely important too.

[Pumpkinpositive]

But Flock, what if this one lives another 5-6 years? Or more?

[FlockOfTwats]

He doesnt even take the noise thing seriously. He thinks im being dramatic. (He hasnt seen me scratch myself i wear a long dressing gown and tell him my mums dog jumped on me at hers if he sees)

[ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude]

My dog was gently snoring the other day behind my chair and I turned round and told him how much I loved him.

[Logg1e]

Oh OP, it sounds so difficult for you and there's no need. You've done three years, you know this dog could easily live another three or four times that.

I don't think you should see it as a failure, just making a very difficult decision for the sake of everyone's happiness.

[FlockOfTwats]

• Yeah, Thats the annoying thing. He's great. He'll happily look after him completely by himself. He'll do everything if i can't or just don't fancy doing it. So i cant even use that.
  
  I will say though, I don't think he realises how much more work a st bernard would be, especially grooming. B has the ridgeback coat and takes very little upkeep. And i also know for a fact hes never had a puppy. B is VERY clean. He has only ever messed in the house when he was ill once. I dont think OH has considered the mess a puppy can make or how much a puppy can chew through, and the training of a puppy would definitely be down to me because OH is clueless and has some very strange ideas about puppy training.
  
  We had a friends puppy over for the weekend buy it was freakishly well behaved which i was disappointed about. I was hoping it would drive OH mental and he'd finally say he didnt want another.
  
  He's only ever seen one st bernard in person and it dwarfed B who is NOT a small dog. B was on his belly at it haha.

[FlockOfTwats]

Logg - Oh no he's not 3 years old, he's 7 or 8 (I cant remember which, i always say the wrong one).

[FlockOfTwats]

exit Snoring dogs are lovely. That doesn't bother me at all.

OH snoring on the other hand. Pillow over face. One day, i swear it.

[deakymom]

i think your getting a real roasting here you've admitted you have a problem and you talked about seeing someone for it? i see no problems with that

your right you should have a break from dogs im on a cat break right now i love them i miss them i have three kids and no patience for them hell im lucky if i have patience with the kids every day! (not perfect)

you know what you have to do its put your foot down have a frank honest conversation with your oh tell him everything ...........good luck

[Dinosaursareextinct]

You've got to have a really honest conversation with your DP. Or if more likely to work put it in writing. YOU WILL NOT BE HAVING ANOTHER DOG, OF ANY KIND, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. The DCs can have a cat, guinea pigs, whatever. They'll cope with that.
And can you think of any way of improving the current situation? If the dog is really wearing you down, re-home it. It can be happy in another family. I'm not saying take it to the dogs' home - you can wait till you find a family you're happy with.
If not, then maybe you could advertise a dog share? We have no dog (not at home for much of the day), but would love to have a dog to walk sometimes, or to have at weekends. That kind of arrangement would give you a break.
Can the dog spend some time on its own? Eg in another room from you?

[CrabbySpringyBottom]

FFS! OP please don't take to heart all these comments by posters who clearly know absolutely fuck all about misophonia.

No one could love a dog more than I love mine - she is the world's most spoilt and cosseted dog. But sometimes the neediness drives me nuts, and the noises always drive me demented. She is a clingy cocker and the moment she doesn't get exactly what she wants, she whines this very high pitched annoying whine. I am acutely hypersensitive to high pitched noises and it drives me fucking insane. If we're out walking and I stop for a moment...the whining starts. The high pitched yapping at everything too. And and and and...! The whistley breathing. I don't even know how it's possible for a creature to produce such a piercingly high pitched breathing sound, but she does.

I totally get you about the staring too. Usually I don't mind that much, but sometimes it's just yet another demanding face, wanting something from me. Similarly, usually I don't mind that she has to be in actual physical contact with me constantly, even down to hooking her chin over my arm in the car every time I reach down to change gear. But when I'm pre-menstrual and I just don't want anyone or anything to touch me... drives me bonkers and I just want to scream GET THE FUCK OFF ME!

Incidentally I react the same way when DD makes high pitched noises or behaves in an ultra-needy way when I'm in that hypersensitive state. I could quite cheerfully throw a laptop at the wall!

Does that mean I should rehome the dog and DD?

[FlockOfTwats]

Thanks for those wo've offered their support and kindness.

I have asked for this thread to be removed because someone IRL would recognise me from some of the info and i dont want people IRL to know i feel this way.

I think i was a bit hasty posting some of it but im glad i did now because its the first time at least a few people havent called me names or said i shouldnt have animals at all or accused me of being an abusive owner.

[FlockOfTwats]

Dino OH and the kids would be devastated if i rehomed him. DD was upset enough when i had to stop dog sitting my friends cresteds at the beginning of last year. She isn't allowed indoor pets at her dads because hes allergic to anything with a tail.

My downstairs is open plan (Worst idea EVER we are moving ASAP i HATE this house).

[FlockOfTwats]

crabby Thankyou so much.

The staring thing definitely annoys me more since i had kids. Thats mostly when ive been nagged and followed around all day. Even OH does it sometimes like WTF?!

My DD has recently started doing noises that annoy me too. She drinks cereal milk out of the bowl and the noise. It's making me twitch thinking about it. I pretend i need to wee and go and hide from it if OH is home.

And the whiney thing triggers it too and i have to ask her to please just be quiet and give me some space. Luckily she is very good at understanding, ive told her im poorly in my head and sometimes i need things to be quiet for a few moments.

[Topaz25]

Your partner really needs to see the bigger picture here, does he realise how much this is affecting your mental health? Don't give in and get another dog, especially a St Bernard. If you find a regular sized dog overwhelming a huge one won't help! St Bernard's make snorting noises and it wouldn't grow up with your children because St Bernard's have a short lifespan. Your children need you to be healthy and happy more than they need a dog.

[FlockOfTwats]

Topaz - He thinks im just being stroppy.

I said to him that maybe if we could afford a decent sized house, with a good amount of land so it could have a warm outdoor space so i wasn't stuck inside all day, then id think about it, but thats not going to happen in the near future, not for at least ten years. If not more. We're only just getting back on our feet after a horrible period of unemployment.

But otherwise its an absolute no, theyre huge, We'd need a good amount of land because i simply wouldnt be able to walk it everyday on my own with two kids in tow - Itd be dangerous for me, the kids and the dog. He can't come home after 15 hours of work and give it a decent walk! I won't have an unwalked dog its not fair, especially one of that size.

Not to mention the insurance, when i looked up, for a level of cover id be happy with due to the problems StBs get, jessus ive insured horses for less! And the food - again ive fed a horse for less (Admittedly the horse was on a restricted diet and the food he was allowed happened to only cost £7 quid a bag).

[FlockOfTwats]

zzzz We are hopefully moving soon and as our house goes straight onto the street, im thinking he'd be better off in kennels for a few days anyway so i will get a couple of days break there. Im going to try and get my mum to have the kids too even just for a night so i can sit in perfect quiet.

[catbus]

What other noises affect you with the misophonia? You must have coping mechanisms for them? Fwiw I think the dog is a sort of red herring. Are you getting help for your disorder? (Sorry, I mean that in the nicest way!)