Overnight guests after birth of second child

[Beachcombergirl]

I have family who live a long haul flight away. I love them dearly and always look forward to seeing them (normally once every couple if years).

They have booked flights to visit around my due date for second child and would like to stay for a few nights once baby arrives. I am filled with panic and dread. They have said they don't mind sleeping on floors etc (there are 5 of them) and I know they'd be hurt if I suggest they stay in a b&b or similar. I feel terrible as, of course I want to see them, but I have no idea how I'm going to feel with a newborn and a toddler to manage.

I think they think it's ok as they have had overseas visitors very soon after they have had kids. They have a massive house however so this may have made a difference to making to easier.

Aibu to not want them to stay overnight?

[CaptainTripps]

That has got to be the daftest reply I have ever read on here - the suggestion that you move out into an apartment temporarily to accommodate these people.

*scratches head at the wonderful weirdness of folk

[Delatron]

No way. I'm sorry but I can't believe anybody would do this? Invite themselves to stay the day after you have given birth? I would be pretty angry to be honest! How thoughtless. You need to be very clear that this is not on.

[AnyFucker]

make them research accomodation options

and don't you dare move out of your house !

[Wigsy]

No. Don't. I had long-term houseguests around the time my second baby was born and I loved them dearly, but they nearly drove me to a full-on nervous breakdown. I wanted to be all kind and accommodating, but you can't be all things to all people. It's an important time of transition from being a family of 3 to a family of 4, and you need quiet time with your toddler without loads of people making it overwhelming.

When the baby came along, we had a day of overexcited pain-in-the-arse visitors that just had to come over right away and make squealing noises. I let them come, just to get their visits all over and done with. After they'd finally gone my little daughter, then 3, climbed on the sofa next to me and just asked to cuddle her baby brother. It was too much for her, and that was just with daytime visitors, people she knew and loved really well. I made sure the next few days were visitor-free and very, very easy-going. We all needed some hush.

I know others have pretty much convinced you to put yourself first but I just wanted to weigh in too. Stick to your guns. x

[bubblegoose]

yanbu. This happened to me recently, only they stayed for six weeks. I was an utter mess.

[Lucylouby]

YANBU. When dc2 and DC 3 were born, each night for at least a week either DH or I would end up downstairs with the baby while the other tried to get some sleep ready for when dc1 woke up wanting to be entertained. We couldn't have done that if we had people asleep on the living room floor. Also in the morning, if dc1 wakes early, you will probably appreciate your DH taking her straight downstairs so you can have a short lie in with the baby. That won't be possible with visitors. You will have enough going on without 5extra people in your home. Are any of the 5, children? That would be worse, extra noise and chaos when all you want is calm and peace and quiet.
You might just have to come right out and tell them, they probably won't get gentle hints about it being a bad idea.

[clam]

Why are they coming? Is this a general visit, that just happens to coincide with your birth date, and they're touring a number of places and want somewhere to crash, in which case a big fat fuck off NO is required?
Or are they coming specifically to see the new baby? In which case a big fat fuck off NO is also required. They can defer and come at a later date.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

Tbh id approach is mock surprise as clearly they mustnt have realised its your due date

"X, Im not sure if you have realised but the date you are suggesting is when im due and I really will not be able to have house guests staying the minute I have given birth. There are some great b&bs local, or better still, come and stay once baby is three months old then we will all be a little bit more settled?"

[waterrat]

And of course you shouldn't move out of your house! What a completely ludicrous idea

[waterrat]

Please don't lie and say its about their comfort they are being very thoughtless - be polite and completely honest and say you will be exhausted, learning to cope and if you are bf you may be half naked ! And say your home sadly doesn't have the space for you to have privacy while they stay

Do not worry for a second about offending them - its far more important to consider yourself here.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

There is no way I'd move out of my house having just given birth!!!

[NearTheWindymill]

No way. My DH has sisters who live abroad. Once we had one and her partner staying and all of a sudden we had his rellys staying on the floor. Never happened again. I made it crystal clear that visitors were very welcome providing there was bed space for them. I will not have the communcal areas of my home taken over by people sleeping on the floor.

A thought though - as there are four of you - could you book a small apartment and let them have the house and split the cost with them as a compromise?

[ProlificPenguin]

Yanbu. You, your baby and your toddlers needs should also be considered. Routine and own room especially important to toddler at this time.

[Beachcombergirl]

Thanks guys. I will start researching some accomodation options

[fallon8]

Say no...my parents always pitched up,long distance,but made it plain,they were on "holiday". So,I ended up with new babies,toddlers,plus mother sat on sofa,asking 'any chance of the kettle going on?"

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

My feelings would be hurt if someone thought it appropriate to impose upon me just post birth to be honest - don't worry about offending them!

[CaptainTripps]

I may sound harsh here but I don't understand your angst. Just bloody say NO. Nicely. I'm sure they will be fine about it.

But all this hand wringing and guilt...why?

It's just hard disappointing them and potentially hurting their feelings

Either have them and put up with it or tell them no.

[AnyFucker]

Just say no

[gobbynorthernbird]

Can you sell it as being worried about their comfort? I know they say they don't mind sleeping on floors, but you could be up at all hours with the baby etc.

[Beachcombergirl]

Thanks all. It's nice to know I am not being unreasonable. It's just hard disappointing them and potentially hurting their feelings. It's true though I just wouldn't be able to cope with them all in such close proximity at such an emotionally raw time.

[Adeleh]

YANBU at all. Maybe find details of B+Bs near you, tell them that it would be lovely to see them, but that they are not staying in your house.

[Tartanpaint]

Just say sorry no. You will have no idea how the birth/recovery/feeding/sleep/your emotions will go

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

I flew my mum over to the US post DC2's arrival. She was the only person I could have coped with. Emergency c-section, super strong drugs, toddler not liking the lack of attention... You get the picture. I'd say don't do it!

[Finola1step]

YANBU. Tell them now that they will not be able to stay at yours. And what if you are late and go into labour when they are there?

You could tell them that you are considering a home birth with a huge birthing pool in the lounge so privacy would be an issue.

[stopgap]

I live overseas, and my parents are currently staying with me for eight weeks following the birth of DS2. I couldn't be happier, but we have a spacious house, my parents are pitching in with the kids, and doing plenty of cooking and cleaning. But I realise a full house is not for everyone, and the last thing you want is unhelpful visitors after you've just had a baby.