To make a report to social services?

[HappyWasGoLucky]

Name changed, I'm a regular. Pom bears, naice ham, penis beaker.

This is long, I apologise!

A family member of mine has been interviewed under caution regarding an incident in which her child (2 years old) was hurt. Social Services turned up at her house several weeks ago and took her and her two boys to hospital (2 and 3) because of a severe mark on the two year olds face. She told the hospital staff and social services that he and his brother were fighting and he fell over and hurt his face on a toy bus, which they accepted.

Fast forward several weeks and she has rang SS and told them that she lied and she hit him round the head which caused him to fall on the toy bus. She had a child action meeting with SS and the police in which she admitted hitting her son.

Following this meeting the police rang her and told her to present herself at the police station for interview as they were going to charge her with assault on a minor. Following the interview, the police are going to make a decision on whether to charge her with assault on a minor and give her a caution or proceed to court.

She and her mother are now down-playing the incident and saying that she only gave a small tap on the top of his head with the palm of her hand and that SS are trying to stitch her up for something she didn't do.

The thing is, I know of and have witnessed previous instances in which these boys have been emotionally and physically neglected and have been hit.

I've witnessed her smack the elder child round the head because he wasn't leaving a room quick enough. I went round one afternoon and neither boys were dressed or washed, they both had nappies on that were dangling down to their knees and the elder child had quite obviously had a poo. I told her he had soiled his nappy and she said 'yeah, I need to change him' and then proceeded to sit down and talk to me for an hour about her boyfriend. When she did finally change him the poo was stuck to his bum so it had obviously been left for a while.

I've witnessed the children throw bricks around the back garden whilst she sits in the kitchen smoking and gossiping, absolutely no supervision whatsoever. On another day, this actually resulted in another child's head being split open by a brick and an ambulance was called. The ambulance man was so concerned at the state of her children that he called the police.

Her elder child has taken to wetting himself when someone shouts, it doesn't even have to be him getting told off.

So basically, the police and SS are focussing solely on this one incident with the bus and her smaller child, they know nothing of anything else.

I know that by reporting this I will be opening myself up to all sorts of abuse and I will probably be outcast from the family (bar my own immediate members). But I feel that by not reporting this that she will more than likely be let off with a caution and the children will continue to suffer.

AIBU?

[Cravey]

If something happened to these children could you live with the guilt of not saying anything ? I think I would contact ss. These children sound as if they need help. As does mum.

[Pumpkinpositive]

OP, it sounds like by admitting to police that she was responsible for the injuries, the she probably know herself she is not coping and needs help. She has obviously back-pedalled since, but that could be due to pressure from other family members (ie, her mother).

Good luck.

[lionheart]

Well done, Happy, you know you are doing the right thing.

[frogslegs35]

You're doing the right thing OP, 100% the right thing for those children.

Be strong and get the initial call over with.
Good luck.

[RustyParker]

I think as a pp said, you can be desensitised to low level neglect and now it has progressed to assault, you have been shocked into action.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I would be doing the same in your position. Good luck and I hope your report makes a difference to those poor childrens' situation.

[Quoteunquote]

well done Happy,

Years ago I had a neighbour who for various reasons, ended up neglecting and not coping with her children,

When SS did get involved, they were able to support, she turned it all around, with parenting classes, support her youngest sons were able to stay with her.

But they did need help, and took someone pointing out to SS.

I hope it goes well.

My husband a child was neglected, his father had left (he didn't see him again for twenty years), his mother was ill and in bed, he was left as carer for a mother with mental health issues, as well as other issues, his school reports from primary are heart breaking,

the teachers wrote about his neglect,abuse and how under weight he was, but because supposedly it was a nice middle class family, no one reported it (we know a lot of the adults in his life from then, all now comment they can't believe they did nothing), he had a very hard time, some he is only relising as his children grow, and it becomes very apparent what he was missing) he is an incredible father because of it.

His mother who we still care for still can't understand why no one intervened, she did ask for help, but was ignored.

We have a social services for this type of thing, but they can't help unless they know.

[SchrodingersCake]

As someone who has mistakenly had SS called on me by hospital A&E I say: contact them (I see you have and wish you luck this afternoon).

It's humiliating to have to deal with SS unnecessarily but I'd rather go through that than have a child's death on my conscience.

[DealForTheKids]

OP I imagine you're on the call now but it might help to have your original post in front of you when you ring - you've laid it all out clearly there so you can work through it if you get nervous or worry you'll forget something.

[Sallyingforth]

Having read through the thread I'm so relieved to see you are going to report.
The very last thing you want is to see a child being taken off by ambulance because you didn't report the abuse.
Please come back and confirm you have made the call.

[Mumto3dc]

I would report.
You have a responsibility to speak for these dc. You've witnessed neglect and abuse.
for you, but more for them.
Don't feel bad for reporting. It's absolutely the right thing to do.

[blessedhope]

Adding to the consensus: definitely do call SS.

I saw a pro-child protection poster in a youth services office once with an adorable little mixed race boy of around four playing with big ABC blocks on a mat; above him, the words written in crayon like font on the wall say "Keeping ME safe is YOUR responsibility!"

That advice applies to these poor boys too. Your job is to report- from there the professionals will take over, and whatever happens won't be your fault- all you're doing is making the authorities aware of a situation.

[Dinosaursareextinct]

If you're going to report, have the courage of your convictions and give your name.

[PoirotsMoustache]

Oh, those poor children. I'm so glad you've reported everything, OP. I hope everything goes well.

[ihatethecold]

Hope it goes ok op.
You are doing the right thing.

[FabBakerGirl]

Please do make the call.

ALL children need to have people to look out for them and sometimes their parents are not the best ones to protect them.

Far too often children are hurt or killed because no one wanted to rock the boat or make things worse for them or the child. Well tough. A child is incapable of protecting themselves.

I also think an education campaign about what SS and SW can do is needed as all you hear about are the babies snatched from the womb and children left without checks and then we get "lessons will be learnt" and "no one person was at fault, it is the system" and there needs to be a middle ground so that people can able to report without worrying the child will be lost to the family for ever or they will be blamed. Ultimately though, if a child is at risk you should think only of them. Staying quiet might stop you getting grief from family but it could result in a child's death.

[RedlipsAndSlippers]

So glad you're calling op, you're doing the best thing for those little ones.
No one made this call for a friend of mine, he now doesn't trust anyone from his childhood, as no one ever helped him. It's made his life very hard.
Good luck x

[HappyWasGoLucky]

Thanks to everyone for replying.

I was waylaid this afternoon as my DS wasn't himself so ended up taking him to the doctors (just a bug).

DS is in bed now and I have just called the NSPCC who advised that it was very concerning and social services should be made aware of the information. He gave me the number for the area and I called but they aren't answering, are they not 24/7?

Also, I have received a text message from her asking me if I want to go round for a Chinese tomorrow night.

Does anyone have any advice on what to text back? I don't particularly want to give a bogus reason as to why I can't go round but I don't want to seem like I'm mouthing off at her, IYSWIM?

Do you think SS will be open on a Saturday? I genuinely thought they were open all week until late in the evening. Maybe if you have immediate concerns when they are shut you have to call the police?

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

SS are open all the time but out of hours there will be a duty social worker on only. At least that's how it works when we have to refer in hospital.

Tell her you can't, your DS is ill.

[PooroldJumbo]

What about telling her your DS is poorly and has been to the GP so you don't want to leave him?

[FabBakerGirl]

...with an infectious bug.

[HappyWasGoLucky]

That's what I mean, I don't particularly want to make an excuse.

The reason I don't want to go round is because I don't think it is appropriate, she needs to concentrate on her kids and being a good parent, not making lots of social plans.

I don't want to spend time with someone that is being charged with battering her 2 year old.

If I make an excuse I will feel like I am hiding my real reason out of politeness or like it's not a good enough reason to not go round. She expects everything to carry on as normal and for people to continue treating her as normal. And I can't, I'm so upset that she has put her children in this position.

A family friend has said 'oh don't worry, it will all blow over'.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

But it's not an excuse, you have been to the GP with your DS.

[jugofwildflowers]

I would go round so that you can change the nappies, give the dc a bath, read them a goodnight story and put them to bed!

She might find someone else to go out with. In any case those dc need a responsible adult around who cares for them!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I don't want to spend time with someone that is being charged with battering her 2 year old

I would just tell her that.

We banned ExDPs brother from the house after he was arrested for GBH. It caused a rift between him and his dad, but ultimately his brother ended up in prison for 3 years, and we didn't want a violent criminal around our 1 yo DD

[FrontLoader]

Thinking of you OP and just wanted to say that you should be able to find the SS out of hours duty phone number on your council website.

There will be a social worker on call who has access to records etc, who will be able to take down your concerns and make sure they are followed up. They will guide you through the call to make sure they get the info they need.

I use our local duty team quite a bit due to my work (health practitioner) and they are always helpful- also it's generally staffed by senior practitioners so are knowledgable.

Hope you are able to get the call made- you hold a piece of the jigsaw and SS need that to get a full picture of what support is needed and to make good decisions.