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AIBU?

AIBU or is she? housemate-related, long.

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MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe · 25/02/2014 13:22

This is half-rant, half-please help me understand why she is doing this and what I should do.

I'm at uni, living in a shared house with my boyfriend, a couple of friends I made last year off my course - not my best friends, but I'd say fairly good mates. I was friends with him first - call him T - and then we both became friends with her - call her P - later in the year. In March, T and P started going out. And there are a couple of other housemates in the house who were strangers at first, but we get on pretty well with them.

T is very quiet, not shy but likes his own company, laid back and easy going. P is the absolute opposite; she is loud and can seem a bit 'self-important' at times - I thought it was just par for the course with the nature of our degree, but it's above and beyond anyone else. However it was easy to deal with last year.

This year, everything has changed completely. She has become a nightmare to live with and to be around, to the point where I stay in our room most of the time.

My boyfriend and I decided to share a room, to keep the rent costs down (turns out to be a very good idea in hindsight). On viewing the house, the LL asked what room we'd like - we asked for one of the bigger ones downstairs, as it had more room for our things. The LL contacted them when the tenancy was agreed, said that we were having one of the larger rooms downstairs - she told them that we'd changed our minds and wanted the smaller upstairs room, because she wanted her and T to have the bigger rooms downstairs next door to each other. Ok, they want separate rooms, fair enough - but they lied to the LL and told her we wanted the smallest room in the house to share?

We overlooked it, made the best of it, somehow got all our stuff in there and are living there now. In August I found out I was pregnant, waited until 12 weeks before telling people etc, and things went from bad to worse. I didn't talk about it much but every time someone brought it up when she was around, she'd say "Well I was pregnant once", leading everyone to ask what happened, and she'd say "I was responsible and got rid of it". OK, getting pregnant at my age isn't the most responsible thing to have done, but it took me ages to decide against abortion and I spent weeks wondering if I'd done the right thing, so her comment hurt.

She is what I saw referred to on a thread the other day as a 'topper' - everything that is wrong with you, she has something much worse. My boyfriend works until quite late at night, a physical job on top of full-time uni. She asked how he was one morning, he just said "Oh, a bit tired", and she turned around and snapped "YOU'RE tired? You should try doing my job!". She spent two weeks working three hours an afternoon in a call centre, before the job finished. My lecturer was chatting to me about the pregnancy the other day when she butted in and spoke for fifteen minutes about a friend who'd been pregnant - every time the lecturer asked me something and I answered, she'd 'top' it in some way.

There's all the usual 'perks' of living in shared accommodation too - she does a lot of baking but never washes up, 'borrows' food from the cupboard with no intention to replace, uses our utensils but if we borrow hers, we have to show deep neverending gratitude - but she's so hypocritical with it all. She and T went away for a weekend, leaving all of the saucepans etc in the house dirty on the side, along with all the baking things she'd been using. I sent her a text asking if it was hers, and she sent a moody one back saying "Yes but we're away for the weekend and I was too exhausted from uni to clean before we left". I'm doing exactly the same course as her, trying not to use the pregnancy excuse but by this point I was 25 weeks and beginning to struggle a bit, and it doesn't stop me cleaning up.

Fine, people get tired, we did their washing up because we needed plates and cutlery. Last week we had a dash into hospital with complications, I had to stay in, and OH was with me 9am-9pm and then straight out to work. When we got back the next day, there was a really nasty message from her about how T's mum had been 'forced' to do our washing up because we hadn't done it - even though we'd informed people that I was in hospital. This was the same day as she criticised me to all my friends on the course because I emailed the lecturers and texted my mum when I knew I was going to have to stay in, because it meant missing lectures the next day and well why wouldn't I text my mum? But I didn't let her know straight away, and she had to find out with the rest of my friends the next morning poor thing my boyfriend thinks it's because she wanted to be the one telling everyone, looking like she was involved, and also because she's 'jealous of the attention I was getting'. I don't understand people like this I'd much rather be pain and complication-free and have no-one thinking about me! Thankfully my friends told her where to go but it hurt when I found out.

I could write a book about other things she's done but I need to stop there because I've already written way too much. I'm struggling to understand what I'm doing wrong, because I seem to be constantly annoying her. I've tried to get as much info in there as possible because I don't want to dripfeed, but if there is anything I've left out, sorry that turned into more of a rant, but I'm just wondering how to deal with her - I'm going to have to see her for at least the next year and a half of uni, anyway! - and whether I'm doing something wrong here?

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Rommell · 26/02/2014 21:26

Tbh she sounds like a very unhappy person (I know that's a bit of a cliche but she really does). You're pregnant, you're happy with your boyfriend, you'll both be moving on soon. She, on the other hand, sounds like she was under some pressure to terminate her pregnancy, may have mixed feelings about doing so and is insecure and unhappy with her boyfriend. I know that none of that is your problem, but it may help to you realise that how she is acting towards you has little to do with you yourself and lots to do with how she is finding life which your life is throwing into sharp relief. So, basically, I wouldn't take it personally. Be pleasant, as you would to an acquaintance in the SU, but don't get drawn into anything either positive or negative, and cross the days off on your calendar. Pretty soon you'll be all overwhelmed with new-baby love and life and trust me she will be just a distant memory.