Aibu - well meaning but misplaced comments about my weight loss

[CaptainTripps]

Bit of background - sorry if I go on and on. I am 5'2'' and 10 and a half stone. I have lost 3 and a half st (possibly 4 st but was in denial about my starting weight) text-book style eg over 2-3 years, slow and steady bla bla and in a healthy way by following WW. I have not cut out any food groups and I enjoy my food. Oh boy do I enjoy my food.

I have been able to maintain my weight over the past year. I would ideally love to lose another half stone. I should be lighter according to my height and BMI calculations.

The main thing is I am happy and healthy. I eat very well and pay close attention to my nutrients. My skin is glowing despite my advancement into middle age. I look petite and fit and I do lots of keep fit and swimming.

But the comments!

'Oooh you're getting a bit gaunt...'
'You don't want to overdo it...'
'You are eating properly, aren't you, Captain?'
'You should stop now...' (even thought my weight loss has stalled)

All from well-meaning folks. None particularly have a weight issue so there can't be any envy etc. I am starting to get hacked off.

Trouble is when I dip below 10.7 st, my face does begin to look very trim. It always comes off my face first. But I can't bloody help that!

Gahhh. Lordy. Someone save me from these well-meaning but unsought opinions. Any good retorts anyone can recommend? I tend to go and seethe silently in the corner. They should have told me when I was too heavy. Now that may have been useful.

[ninjasausage]

All jealous remarks!!! Well done at not only losing the weight but for keeping it off too!

[NewtRipley]

Captain

Same colour combination for me too

[CaptainTripps]

Oh dear. Sorry about the confusion. To explain, I realised after posting how my situation pales into nothingness compared to 'real' problems some folks have.

I have my own posts highlighted for ease and forget what it is like with no colour coding. I recommend it. My own posts are a fragrant lavender and other OPs are pale green. It is so easy to see at a glance whose post is whose.

Anyway - onto the issue at hand. Thanks for the replies. Made me feel heaps better. I have tried the 'here are the facts' routine wrt BMI etc etc. But generally they switch off or I am left feeling like the lady doth protest too much. I am not very good at getting my point across in real life. Newt is right - why the jeffing jeff do people feel it appropriate to comment! Sob - all that hard work reduced to concerned little looks from others.

Well done pants, mary's husband, neon and sirzy on all your lbs losses.

[perplexedpirate]

Wtf?! This thread is .
OP, congrats on the weightloss, ignore the knobs, you are not rude.

As for the rest of it - ??????

[WorraLiberty]

Just ignore them, it's your body not theirs.

We all carry our weight differently. I'm 5ft 3" and if my weight went up to 10 and a half stone, I would be very overweight.

But no doubt not many would comment about me putting weight on

Yet it seems fair game to have a pop if you lose weight.

[AMumInScotland]

I've just put your details into a BMI calculator and it comes out at 26.9 - so, from a purely scientific point of view, your friends are talking out of their arses!

It might be jealousy, it might be they are used to you looking a certain way, or as you say if it goes from your face first then you may 'look' thinner than the numbers say.

I'd be tempted to quote figures at them - for your height anything from 7st 3 (!) to 9st 11 is the 'healthy' BMI range, so you'd like to lose a little more, but not 'too much', just something that puts you back into the range where you're least likely to have health problems. If that doesn't shut them up, they are incorrigible!

[squeakytoy]

always much easier having the ops posts set to be highlighted lol!!

[Sirzy]

I think it takes people a long time to see you at your new weight - if that makes sense - which makes them think you look 'too thin'. I have dropped from a size 20 to a 12 and get that sort of comment yet I still need to/want to loose another stone or two.

People are odd, and some people can't help but be negative about things!

[pantsjustpants]

I lost 3stone last year and I've had similar. I've given up now, if people can't see that a size 12 is perfectly normal then more fool them.

Now it's my fitness that's wrong. I've been doing a very intense 6 week course and that's all wrong too!

All these "experts"!

[squoosh]

It's not always envy, if it's people who are generally to be trusted it may just may be taking them some time to adjust to the new you.

Well done!

[MarysDressSways]

Haha, this is where highlighting the OP's (and your) posts in the customise bit would have helped some!

Just ignore these people Captain. My husband and I have been dieting and a few people told him he looked "ill" when he hit his target weight. He most certainly doesn't look ill, technically he's still overweight! But he's at a weight the doctor is happy with for his height, he's certainly not so thin he looks ill, just different to how these people were used to seeing him. That's probably what it is with you.

I'm not at that stage quite yet, ha.

[Mintyy]

P
M
S
L
!!!!!!

Sorry, but this is hilarious .

Congrats on your weight loss CaptainTripps. As you know perfectly well, 10 stone 7 is not remotely underweight for someone of your height. It's annoying if all your weight comes off your face but, as you say, nothing you can do about it.

[Pumpkinpositive]

The moral is, don't immediately slag your own OP after you've OP'd it.

[squoosh]

CaptainTripps you were very rude to yourself, apologise to you at once!

[DorisAllTheDay]

Have people noticed that CaptainTripps and the OP are one and the same person?

Can't think of a good retort, but YANBU to be hacked off. If you want to make commentators feel uncomfortable, you could try, 'There are many reasons why people lose weight, not all of them intentional. Shall we explore the number of assumptions you've just made in your comment?' Failing that, just smile sweetly and say firmly, 'I'm eating fine, thank you very much,' and change the subject.

I've lost a lot of weight lately, not to the point of looking gaunt, but I've very obviously changed shape. I think it's no-one's business but my own and people shouldn't make personal comments. It always makes me feel uncomfortable, but I find changing the subject very firmly works.

Am interested to see if anyone comes up with a humorous one-liner.

[NewtRipley]

This is where highlighting the OP's posts comes in useful.....

[Motherinlawsdung]

RTFT!! CaptainTripps IS the OP!
OP, great achievement. Try to ignore the comments from these "friends"- they are just envious.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

Captain Trips is the OP, people!

This happened to me when I lost mumble mumble stones - I did realise that part of the issue was that they were just used to seeing me looking a lot heavier if you see what I mean. Mostly I would just smile and nod, smile and nod, although I did once ask one of my friends why it was ok for her to be slim, but me to not be? Surprisingly she had no answer!

Congratulations on your weight loss as well

[DuckworthLewis]

I was thinking I'd opened, not a thread, but a portal into a parallel universe!

[Ragwort]

I had exactly the same when I lost quite a lot of weight, actually I hated anybody commenting on it at all because to me it sounded 'well done on losing so much weight (ie: you were very over weight before)'. I got all the usual, 'don't lose anymore' - one bloke actually asked if I had a serious illness .

Anyway, I put it all back on so no one says anything now .

[Pumpkinpositive]

CaptainTripps IS the OP. I saw that only after I posted!

[Augustwedding]

Congrats the weight loss, sounds like you have worked really hard And have the motivation I so need right now!

Have you tried just telling them you find their comments hurtful, that you are happy as you are and do not want to discuss it? ( even if not wholly true as you said ideally you'd like to loose another 1/2 stone) Easier said than done though ....!

[Fleta]

Poor CaptainTripps IS the OP. She wasn't being rude!

I do think people feel the need to seem interested/concerned etc and sometimes get it very wrong. I think very few people mean things maliciously though.

Well done on such a successful change

[NewtRipley]

There was a thread recently about commenting on thinness/fatness and how annoying it is whatever the circumstances. It says more about the person commenting's insecurities

[MrsReacher85]

Pumpkin and neon- captaintripps is the OP!